Aleksey Vayner: Hey Everyone, Come See How Good I Look!

Posted by Bess Levin, Oct 10, 2006, 2:36pm

[Editor's note: Aleksey still hasn't granted our request to interview him. So we sent DealBreaker travel correspondent Bess Levin deep into Aleksey's brain. This is what she came back with.]

As many of you may very well already know, my adoring fan base has taken to calling me, of late, a douche bag. Being an immigrant who's only offered the (obviously inferior) English language a cursory glance up to this point (see my motto: "Impossible is Nothing." Doesn't even make sense, right? NB, Graydon, you can just copy and paste that into my Proust Questionnaire), I had to defer to dictionary.com on this one and, as per us, things are just as I expected-- you people love me! Lots of talk about "cleansing" and "vaginas" and all good, positive things like that. I've said it before and I'll say it again-- you people love me! As a token of-- I don't want to say gratitude 'cause that's not the right word, but how about this-- my effort to let you suck at the teet of greatness that is me, I’ve cooked up something special. Had a little downtime last night as a result of dance practice being cancelled—I won’t say who’s been slacking but it could be one of two people and it’s not me, hint, hint—and I put together a little photo album for what I anticipate will be your immense pleasure. Enjoy looking at me as much as I always do.

me n bobby.jpg
This is me and my friend, Bobby, at Yale. Notice how
I almost completely blend into the background, like that
picture of Zach Braff in Garden State. In other words,
his shirt was the same pattern as the wallpaper,
so it looked like he was a part of the wall, and my
otherwise superior being blends into the
landscape of the most superior academic institution on earth.
Also notice how I'm letting Bobby mount Mt. Greatness,
i.e. me, so, if he's lucky, a little Greatness might rub off on him.
I'm a very generous friend.

sis.jpg
This is my sister. She's pretty hot, which is not
surprising as she's related to me. Not as hot
as me but hotter than anyone not related to me.

tennis.jpg
This is a picture of me playing tennis.
I'd say I'm even better at tennis than I am at
dancing but that would then negate how
amazing a dancer I am. So I'll say this:
I'm equally awesome at tennis and dancing.

me n pete.jpg
This is me and Pete Sampras, after a few rounds.
He's not a bad player. Could stand to work on his
backhand a bit though, I'd venture to say.

i'm awesome.jpg
Us dancing. Nansi's looking at
a picture of me, for inspiration.
Totally her idea.

i love myself so much it hurts.jpg
Even I'm getting a little sick of
saying this but when I'm right, I'm right:
I look fantastic.

[*Just in case you didn't get it, we made this up.]

0Recommend this! 24Comments
Posted in: Aleksey Vayner, Photo Essays, You Know This Could Be True

Comments

Posted by , Oct 10, 2006 2:41PM

i bow down to the goddess that is bess levin

Posted by , Oct 10, 2006 2:43PM

Are you sure that's a guy in the first picture?

If he won't agree to an interview, just do it guerilla style. Ambush him with a camera and start asking questions. Heck, you know this guy already thinks the paparazzi follows him around, so he'll probably be used to it (in his delusional mind)!

Posted by , Oct 10, 2006 2:46PM

This story keeps getting better. Who the hell is this kid? He kind of reminds me of Bill Clinton- a pathalogical liar... "huhuhu, i tried, and thats the difference between me and them, i tried, and i failed, but i tried."

Posted by , Oct 10, 2006 3:10PM

i'd imagine that you're tired of hearing this now but I can't in good conscience not say it: if it were not for writers like you there'd be nothing worth reading, nothing worth living for. there. i've said my piece.

Posted by , Oct 10, 2006 3:12PM

P.S. AV's kind of a douche bag

Posted by astonished, Oct 10, 2006 4:04PM

how did a kid like that not repeatedly get the crap kicked out of him in four years in New Haven? if he went untouched, there is no g-d.

spot on, levin, spot on.

Posted by Newport Beach, Oct 10, 2006 4:07PM

Is that really his sister in pic #2? She's pretty hot, in a Euro-trash, ice queen sort of way. I'd do her.

Posted by Master of the Universe, Oct 10, 2006 4:20PM

Give the guy a break - he came to America determined to make it and by god, he did! I'd hire the kid in a second - Aleksey send me your cv.

Posted by greg.org, Oct 10, 2006 4:54PM

the stunning thing is, there's nothing in the video that actually shows any awesome technique. His tennis stroke is terrible, his onscreen serve=140mph? no way. And the only ballroom dancing I know is from a Baz Luhrman movie, but that dude's just standing there.

I guess technically, that DOES make him equally proficient at both tennis and dancing, just at a deeply unawesome level.

of course, by pointing that out, I fear he'll write me out of his life... sniff

Posted by nick, Oct 11, 2006 4:21PM

you are so awesome!!!! if only everyone as cool as you

Posted by nick, Oct 11, 2006 4:24PM

you are so awesome!!!! if only everyone as cool was you

Posted by Alex, Oct 12, 2006 4:52AM

Wow, I mean, just wow! I am total in awe of you, AV. I think you could possibly be the single greatest human being on this or any of the 9 planets. Hold on, are there 9 plants? Or have there just discovered some more? Anyway you have inspired me in a way I never thought possible. Someday I hope to be you. I don’t want to just be like you, I actually would like very much to become you. You can still be you, ar… perhaps we could share a body or something? Anyway let me know your Greatness.

Posted by rocaveli, Oct 13, 2006 11:35PM

i dont particularly get why everyone's up in arms about this kid...so what he knows how to do alot of shit...you ppl are *that* jealous?

Posted by rocaveli, Oct 13, 2006 11:36PM

i dont particularly get why everyone's up in arms about this kid...so what he knows how to do alot of shit...you ppl are *that* jealous? i mean 1) he's at yale, 2) he lifts 400lb, although ihave to say...he wasnt doing much of the lifting even whenit was 225lb...he had 3 spotters! ok fine the kid's a pussy but still, not that many ppl can lift 400lb even WITH 3 spotters...i dunno bout his tennisbut i cant imagine he's flat out lying....is he? fine u convinced me he's a douchebag

Posted by , Oct 16, 2006 8:20AM

I wonder is he's banging his sister! No dude comments on how hot his sister is, unless he's banging her.

Posted by President Bush, Oct 16, 2006 1:44PM

Vayner is the reason I now am in favor of abortion.

Vayner's mother would have appreciated this option

Posted by rex Miller, Oct 17, 2006 1:17PM

I just found out about all the hullaballo about Alexsey. I feel I need to defend my friend.

I've known hin for 10 years, and have played a lot of tennis with him (I am a teaching pro myself). He's good. Not  Pete Sampras, but he CAN serve 140mph, and is a college-level player, whether or not he stuck with it at Yale. And, he can lift HUGE amounts of weight, break bricks with his bare hands and ballroom dance (maybe not the greatest at that). I've seen 350lb muscle dudes at the gym just stare in amazement at him while he lifts in the gym.

Also, I consulted on the video ( I am a photographer filmmaker for 20 years--you can check me out at www.repix.net. ), and I shot some of his "modeling" still shots. The video only touched on about half of his skills.

Why is it a crime for him to want to promote himself? So what if he's an overachiever?

He doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, works hard, has big goals, and didn't ask for this publicity. He merely sent a video resume to people who hire.

The amazing thing is people's reaction of jealousy and resentment to Alexsey. He is a bit ego-centered, but the guy is pretty amazingly talented and knows how to work his butt off. He has an incredible knack for focusing and mastering things.

He is naive and inexperienced in the ways of media and pop-culture and has no interest in being part of it, his main intention is to further his career. And, he really IS a Buddhist. The fact that he should touch off a malestrom of criticism is fascinating to me. What is he really guilty of?

I think he'll fit in perfectly on Wall Street.

Rex Miller, friend of Alexsey

Posted by Anonymous, Oct 17, 2006 3:28PM

If your his friend, and personally know him, then how come you can't spell his name right?

Posted by Chap, Oct 17, 2006 4:21PM

Thank you, Rex, for shedding some light on the real Aleksey. It's comforting to know that he isn't always shallow, self-absorbed, egotistical, and completely out of touch with reality. I'm sure he's a lovely person once you get past all the fluff. BTW -- is it true that Coca-Cola Enterprises, Inc is naming a new sports drink after him?

Posted by , Oct 17, 2006 6:55PM

no one is jealous of this guy. i'm not laughing at his accomplishments. i'm laughing at the douche-tastic way he chose to display them. i'm sure he could kick my ass at tennis, ballroom dancing, weightlifting, etc. but "impossible is nothing"! come on. and i wouldn't hire him because i'd be worried he'd blow off work to go lift weights or something. he should have shown himself studying or answering questions in class. i work at a fortune 500 company, and i bet they don't care if i can dance. he really is the douche bag of the year.

Posted by Lori Gomez, Oct 17, 2006 8:03PM

As a child I was told that if you are excellent and of a humble spirit you do not have to toot your own horn; others will do it for you. What seems clear to me in regards to this young man are two thoughts; on the one hand, he may be very talented in a variety of areas, but not the one he is trying to break into; and thus...... all the smoke and mirrors. two: his true niche seems to be overlooked: comedy !

Posted by BR, Oct 17, 2006 9:15PM

Rex misspelled his URL

It should be http://www.rexpix.net

There are pictures of Aleksey in his portfolio. Rex, what are Aleksey's other skills that you are talking about?

Posted by Kenneth Majgaard, Oct 24, 2006 6:56PM

Hi Aleksey Vayner
You are OK, the signal they gave you before and after, shows that the BANK have image-problems and use a primitive way to say no. If I had a highter position, I had definitiv headhunted you, don't give up...
Your sincerly Kenneth

Posted by dude, Oct 27, 2006 7:18AM

Alexey, is froma former USSR thing. I am not sure how the guy get to the States, but it looks like very much natural that yankee envie egosentric immigrant.
People, look at heavyweight boxing champs: WBC - Maskaev (from Kazakhstan), IBF - Klitchko (ukraine), WBA - Valuev (russia), WBO - Liahich (belorussia): all former USSR folks.

yankees simply envie Alexey, but yes he is kinda stupid

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