Are Married Wall Street Traders Sexually Frustrated?

Posted by Keith Hahn, Apr 26, 2007, 12:51pm

40_year_old_virgin.jpg New York Magazine profiles “Six real New Yorkers” in a segment called "Sex Diaries" to determine who's getting some. The article literally counts the episodes.

The inevitable Wall Street entry clocks in with an end of week count that includes one act of fellatio, one act of cunnilingus and one act of intercourse with the woman on top. The only hitch is that he's married, seemingly faithful and lost all his model and bottle instincts. The magazine labels this as sexual frustration. Is it?

Do single (or at least sleazier) traders do any better on average (does someone want to make a market here)? Judging by how frantically the pinstriped sect is trying to cram into Tenjune (or Joshua Tree) most nights we'd have to say the jury's still out (and those callouses are not from working out, or a Bloomberg terminal).

Here's the breakdown of a frustrating week, from NY Mag:

THE SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED DAD
Male, 43, Wall Street trader, Bay Ridge, married, three kids.

DAY 1
7:00 A.M. Wake up feeling frisky. My wife says, “Let’s all go to early Mass.”
7:30 P.M. She tells me she really wants to make love with me. It’s too early; the kids are still up.
9:30 She says she’s tired, just snuggles, and falls asleep. Oh, well.

DAY 2
7:00 A.M. Wake up kind of excited, but it’s time to get everybody up.
7:15 Get a nice flash of tits before my wife goes into bathroom.
9:00 P.M. Been a long day and I really want her, but she won’t be home from work for three more hours.
MIDNIGHT Think I said good night to her. May have dreamed it.

DAY 3
6:30 A.M. Awake to put on coffee. She is comatose.
4:00 P.M. Go for a drink. See a bartender friend. She is really hot, but not my wife.
8:00 Home and missing her—another late night.

Read more about this guy’s riveting week after the jump…

DAY 4
6:55 A.M. Bring wife coffee in bed. Get a nice kiss for it.
4:00 P.M. Stop for a drink again.
7:45 Surprise! She is home early.
9:00 This is going to be a good night. It is. To be blunt, we have oral sex, both of us, one at a time, then sex with her on top.

DAY 5
7:00 A.M. Get up to make coffee with a big smile on my face. Bring it up to her and give her a big kiss.
11:30 P.M. Manage to wait up for her. Ask if she wants to fool around. Can’t. She got her period this afternoon.

DAY 6
7:00 A.M. Coffee and kiss.
5:00 P.M. Exchange a few playful e-mails with her, even though it’s not going anywhere.
MIDNIGHT Get a good-night kiss.

DAY 7
7:00 A.M. Awake to get bagels, and then we go separate ways with kids.
5:30 P.M. One hour till dinner guests. Frantically cooking.
11:15 Her friends finally leave. We clean up, kiss, and go to sleep.

The Sex Diaries – [New York Magazine]

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Posted in: Traders

Comments

Posted by Cincinnatus_C, Apr 26, 2007 12:56PM

11:30 P.M. Manage to wait up for her. Ask if she wants to fool around. Can’t. She got her period this afternoon.


So??? There's a reason he's frustrated...he's letting her sit idle unnecessarily..

Posted by BSD, Apr 26, 2007 1:06PM

Who is this guy? One of those washed-up floor traders or a stock broker? Somehow doubt this fogey is a derivatives trader at Goldman. Certainly not a hedgie. Hedgies take positions whether the underlying likes it or not. If he's buy-side it's probably some long-only. Counting kisses, kisses from his wife, wtf?
Also, your wife is (presumably) 35-40 but still comes home from work at midnight? What exactly is her line of "work"?

Posted by come on, Apr 26, 2007 1:08PM

publish Bess's diary?

Posted by BSD, Apr 26, 2007 1:09PM

BTW Keith, the pinstriped fellas trying to get in are IB. Traders get tables.

Posted by Give-up Agreement, Apr 26, 2007 1:17PM

BSD - 43, married, Bay Ridge... this guy's a NYSE floor trader named Vinny. Lovely. Now I know the guido doing a computer’s job isn't just an imbecile, but a sexually frustrated imbecile.

Posted by anonymous, Apr 26, 2007 1:20PM

Check out the MILF:

"Two makeout sessions; one act of fellatio; one act of cunnilingus; four acts of intercourse: one doggy style, three missionary."

Nice! Moral of this story? If you want a sex life, date a MILF. I prefer older women myself.

Posted by BSD, Apr 26, 2007 1:27PM

Anon@1:20,

Cougars got me through college. In more ways than one.

Posted by anonymous 1:20, Apr 26, 2007 1:38PM

I hear ya. I hit cougars 2-3 times a week. In fact I'm seeing two at the moment, with a 3rd waiting in the wings (I'm grooming her).

Posted by vespa, Apr 26, 2007 1:38PM

how about single 23yr old - she must be easy prey - do they have pictures oline - and the vibrator is a nice touch:

"11:45 Details of roommate’s date find their way into my fantasy. Is stealing other people’s sex lives wrong? Decide it’s no worse than porn. Proceed."

Posted by vespa, Apr 26, 2007 1:39PM

how about single 23yr old - she must be easy prey - do they have pictures oline - and the vibrator is a nice touch:

"11:45 Details of roommate’s date find their way into my fantasy. Is stealing other people’s sex lives wrong? Decide it’s no worse than porn. Proceed."

Posted by Anon 1:43, Apr 26, 2007 1:43PM

Bess: "8:15 woke up. the sex with anon 1:43 last night was the best I've ever had in my life."

Posted by fairest, Apr 26, 2007 2:34PM

1:20 -- true the milf had the most sex but all the milfs sex was with her creepy "long-term boyfriend." it was really disgusting, the milf one. you could smell the paloma picasso, see yourself getting nabbed with the bad nails, imagine the kids therapy bills.

i thought this was one of the most realistic pieces in new york, ever. i liked how the 27 year old park slope teacher couldnt resist leaving out she was fat, even though that was obvious from her "looked for cute guys on the train" thing.

Posted by anonymous, Apr 26, 2007 2:37PM

THE FORMER TRADER-TURNED-MEDIA EXECUTIVE
Male, 29, blog editor, single and (mostly) straight.

DAY 1
10:44 A.M. Wake up. Still hung over from previous night. Masturbate in shower. Stings like a fucking bitch. Dress and go to work.
11:52 A.M.–2:50 P.M. Chaffing and burning cause intense discomfort throughout day. Tell colleagues I pulled "groin muscle". Interview cute intern from NYU. Suggest we continue interview back at my place.
3:23 P.M. Arrive back home. Alone. Heat up cheese pizza. Stressed out from busy day at work. Find bottle of aloe lotion and gym sock. Masturbate to fantasy involving hot co-worker. Nap time.
7:50 Wake up. Feel thirsty. Drink five glasses of Jameson, straight. Attempt to maturbate. Unsuccessful. Still sore. Wash blood from hands. Fall asleep.
11:56 Roommate comes home with tonight’s date. I can hear them in the next room. Bastard. Slut. God, I hate my life. Cry self to sleep.

Total: Two acts of masturbation, one aborted act of self-abuse, one drinking session.

;)

Posted by LexSteelz, Apr 26, 2007 5:30PM

I agree with Cincinnatus_C...

"11:30 P.M. Manage to wait up for her. Ask if she wants to fool around. Can’t. She got her period this afternoon."

Hey, if you can walk through mud, you can swim through blood.

Posted by Bulging Bracket, Apr 26, 2007 6:43PM

His week sounds more like a bad night. If you can't average more than that you're very, very pathetic. One good night = 4x as much, so even if you only get laid once a month you should average more than this guy.

Why's he so pathetic? Decrepit Jerseyite named Vinny who obviously doesn't even really work on the street. Sandwich trader? His wife's obviously sleeping with several other people: as if she'd be at work till midnight if she wasn'
t under someobody's desk.

BTW good job anon 2.37

Posted by Joey, Apr 28, 2007 1:34PM

Go.....anominus.......or whatever. MILF you got that right.

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