Maybe there's a reason Citi is putting its umbrellas away. Citi announced that it will spend $50bn over the next 10 years on "investments, financings and related activities designed to address global climate change." Citi claims the sum includes $10bn Citi has already invested in such endeavors. Unfortunately the "Let's get it done" path to profitability closely mirrors the strategy employed by the underpants gnomes in South Park (Step 1- invest in green tech, Step 2 - [conspicuous silence], Step 3 - profit!), unless "addressing global climate change" involves throwing around all that Saudi money in a way that doesn't directly choke baby seals.
In other Citi news, the first "Let's get 'er it done" spots started running last night (watch here). Seattle-based Publicis West devised the first ad, which unlike Citi's identity theft campaign, overflows with optimism, violently climaxing in the image of a boy in a raincoat letting go of his mothers hand and venturing off into the unknown, of a $20k a year gated pre-head start program. The ad is just a few 300mph tennis serves away from "impossible is nothing" style ridiculousness. A transcript of the narration in the commercial:
Who first believed in you? [my sponsor]
Listened to your dreams? [my shrink]
Got you on your way? [greenies]
We all need a partner [for tax reasons]
And Citi has the people and expertise to make it all possible [17,000 less of them]
So buy that house [who doesn't need more debt?]
Merge that company [we'll even throw in a "buy" rating]
Ask out Sally Krawcheck [seriously, Sally is crazy horny]
Start that business [No really, a social networking site for ferret owners is a great idea, here's your loan]
Send her to college [Send him to boarding school]
Steal that cable [they keep jacking up the monthly dvr/hd/on-demand rates!]
Build a fortune [1.5% per annum on that $832 from your bar mitzvah]
Take your business global [it's not an office party, it's an office "fiesta"]
Plan for the future [Citi is investing another $10bn in flux capacitors]
We all need a partner [redundant, in case you're Mormon]
A partner that helps turns dreams into realities [or a cursed monkey's paw]
Citi - Let's get it done [sounds good, but the guy on the other side of the octagon looks angry]
And...scene.
The money shot is when the Citi arch appears, starting with the word "dreams" and ending with the word "realities."
Citigroup to spend $50 bln over 10 yrs to address climate change – [MarketWatch]
Publicis, Citi Dare to Dream - [Adweek]
Posted by ian, May 08, 2007 10:51AM
Since when did hollywood A list types start doing voiceovers for financial services commericals. I thought celebs only did ads in Japan for whiskey because it would destroy their crediblity in the States?