Muffie Benson-Perella (muffie AT dealbreaker.com) is an Associate in the Investment Banking Division of a "Bulge Bracket" bank. She holds a B.A. in French and Art from Vassar College and an M.B.A. from Harvard Business School. Her regular column "Heard in the Suite" is a probing (and, ahem, fictional) weekly look into the secret lives and behind the velvet curtains of the investment banking world.

Sometimes, it is important to look back at your inner circle of friends and reflect on why they all remain there and who might need to be excommunicated from the circle. That said, and since certain scabs haven't been very supportive lately, I've put together a little list of the reasons to remind myself of why Bess is important to me. (This is a good exercise to do- try it with your friends, family, relatives. What is it they have done for you lately).

Here are ten reasons Bess, despite her being absolutely beastly to me lately, is the best.

(After the Jump)

1. She makes fourth graders cry. (This has been a problem going way back).

2. Has a Calomine lotion fetish. (Details available to the highest bidder. email bids to: muffie -at- dealbreaker -dot- com).

3. Always there to hold your hair back when you throw up. (Of course, this comes from the wealth of experience she has with her loser friends from Amherst who are always puking at inopportune times).

4. Picks her Cosabella panties up off my floor in the morning. (Meaning that she left them there all night. Fortunately, this is a rare occurrence since Bess rarely wears panties. No, seriously. Ask her).

5. Keeps Equity Private in line when we are out. (God, I can't stand, EP, that humorless bitch).

6. She has the direct lines of all the cutest Associates at 85 Broad, and half of their staff in London. (Too bad no VPs will take her calls).

7. Her years of interning with John McEnroe assure us the best seats at Wimbledon. (Except last year when she invited that bitch Susan "Bunnie" Card instead of me).

8. John Corzine, addicted to her particular method for making grilled cheese sandwiches and having forgotten about that little fuck-up with the defense committee in Bess' first week, still calls her late at night and if I keep my voice sultry enough ("Hey there, Johnny") I can talk to him for 15 minutes before he asks "Is this Bess?"

9. When you grab a drink with Bess at Milk & Honey they open up the secret room behind the banquet. (But she is the first one to squeal to management if a guy breaks the "don't hit on girls here" rule).

10. Best wing-woman there is. (Unless you actually want to pick a guy up, then she's a boyfriend stealing harpy- Equity Private taught her everything she knows).