Up for some good James E. Cayne trivia? No? Then get the hell out of here, because Charlie Gasparino’s got a dossier of slow-news-Monday-interesting facts about Jimmy C. and we’re about to give them to you. They come from the latest issue of Trader Monthly, in which the Bear Stearns CEO is bestowed with the dubious honor of being inducted into the “Trader Monthly Hall of Fame,” a group who counts such luminaries as Matt Feshback (Feshback Brothers), Artie Reinhardt (Reinhardt & Merz) and Jeff Daniels (John Carney’s fluffer), among many (13) others.

Big Jim—Gasparino says he’s big but how big is Gasparino? Let us know—is about to be seventy-four, which might’ve been impressive had it not just been Kirk Kerkorian’s 90th birthday, and everything being relative. The spring chicken is giving no thought to retirement and claims to “feel great” and be “eternal.” Profits at Bear have tripled under his watch over the last decade and in the last five years BS stock has outperformed everyone except Goldman Sachs because no one outperforms Goldman Sachs at anything (unless we’re talking about their hedge fund and Chinese Checkers). Cayne is a (Purdue) college drop-out who was given his job at Bear Stearns by Alan “Ace” Greenberg who was apparently “impressed” with Cayne’s bridge skills, which he backed up by going on to become a 12-time national champ at the “sport,” to say nothing of his Canasta skills. Cayne also apparently smokes like a chimney (“No Wall Street CEO has smoked more cigars”: a. how does one quantify something like that b. big whoop—James Simons puts away three packs of cigarettes a day and wins this Cancer Contest hands down). He played a role in the Long Term Capital Management fiasco and saved New York when it nearly went it nearly went bankrupt in the 70's with a coconut, a Gillette Fusion razor and stick of Carefree gum. Now that we’re all caught up, let’s do what we do and click some mice:

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