In honor of former Comverse CEO Kobi Alexander’s extradition hearing taking place today in Namibia, CNBC sent its Senior African Extradition Hearing Correspondent and Windhoek Bureau Chief, Scott Cohn, who’s apparently never left the network’s Englewood Cliffs Headquarters overseas to do a little recon. His findings are not for the faint of heart.

“You instantly notice something is different when you look into the night sky here in Africa, but you can’t quite put your finger on it,” Cohn writes. What in God’s name could it be? Astoundingly, it’s that “you are on the opposite side of the world now…same sky, different hemisphere.” This, “opposite side of the world” business, Cohn posits, “explain[s] Namibia,” where Alexander has come to “start a new life—and maybe avoid prosecution on options fraud charges in New York.” Because when you’re trying to get off on fraud that occurred in New York, it’s generally a good idea to flee to somewhere outside the tri-state area (/the jurisdiction).

There are other things that are different about Namibia compared to the United States:

Everything here is just a little bit different from the U.S., from a gloriously desolate landscape—unlike any desert on earth, they say--to the way people do business here. No one “cuts to the chase” in Namibia, the way we insist on doing back home. A meeting begins slowly. A little greeting. Casual chit-chat. Coffee, anyone? Tea?

Fine, then. Let us cut to the chase: Scott Cohn is a racist.

Reporter's Diary: 'Kobi' Alexander's Namibia [CNBC]