Stephen Schwarzman, 5’6″

schwarzman.jpgNo one– no one– loves Blackstone Papa Bear Stephen Schwarzman like we do, so it was with great pleasure that we read the Journal profile today about our guy. There’s the usual stuff that everyone knows (worked at Lehman, bought Equity Office Properties, has no immunity to chicken pox, threw himself a big birthday party), but a few new, interesting things were revealed. For instance, Schwarzman:
Hates hot food, eating slowly and the knowledge of the market value of shellfish:

He expects lunches consisting of cold soup, a cold entrée such as lobster salad or fresh grilled tuna on salad, followed by dessert, Mr. Zeugin says. He eats the three-course meal within 15 minutes, the chef says. Mr. Zeugin says he often spends $3,000 for a weekend of food for Mr. Schwarzman and his wife, including stone crabs that cost $400, or $40 per claw. (Mr. Schwarzman says he had no idea how much the crabs cost.) Recently, Mr. Zeugin has been ill and is no longer working, although he is still on Mr. Schwarzman’s payroll.

Relishes in creating elaborate scenarios that no man, woman, dog or cat could perform, whether on the pitch, in the boardroom or in the bedroom.

Later, for intramural soccer games at Harvard Business School, he devised “elaborate triangular formations that were not flawed in conception but that nobody was capable of executing,” says Jeffrey Rosen, Mr. Schwarzman’s roommate and now a deputy chairman of investment bank Lazard Freres & Co.

Is Rain Man:

Mr. Schwarzman is exacting in his personal life too. Once, while sunning by the pool at his 11,000-square-foot home in Palm Beach, Fla., he complained to Jean-Pierre Zeugin, his executive chef and estate manager, that an employee wasn’t wearing the proper black shoes with his uniform, according to Mr. Zeugin, who says he has great admiration for his boss. Mr. Schwarzman explains that he found the squeak of the rubber soles distracting.

(This Schwarzman, he’s a bit of a nut. Someone told me he fired the last guy because his nose whistled when he breathed. Let’s say it comes down to you and one other guy. He’s got a nice pair of shoes, and you’re squeaking all over the place. Who do you think he’s gonna hire?)

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Comments (84)

  1. Posted by Anonymous | June 13, 2007 at 12:49 PM

    ss is the man

  2. Posted by anonymous | June 13, 2007 at 1:00 PM

    Enough with the Schwarzman-worship already!! I bet if his surname were Smith or McCormick, you wouldn’t care less.

  3. Posted by Anonymous | June 13, 2007 at 1:07 PM

    schwarzman’s actually not jewish, but nice try, anon 1:00.

  4. Posted by BSD | June 13, 2007 at 1:20 PM

    You’re meshugeh ahf toit if you think SS isn’t one of us.

  5. Posted by ANON | June 13, 2007 at 1:37 PM

    Why is that, BSD?

  6. Posted by The Epicurean Dealmaker | June 13, 2007 at 2:15 PM

    You are missing the point. He is neither Jewish nor non-Jewish. He is short.

  7. Posted by anon | June 13, 2007 at 2:24 PM

    He is Jewish.

  8. Posted by Anonymous | June 13, 2007 at 2:47 PM

    who cares what book he reads, the guy is a fuck farm and we only worship him because he has been able to monetize his dickish ways.

  9. Posted by Henry | June 13, 2007 at 3:16 PM

    I like Seinfeld as much as the next guy, but take it easy with the quotations!

  10. Posted by KLW | June 13, 2007 at 3:23 PM

    Bess can’t help the Seinfeld. You might as well embrace it, there’s plenty more where that came from.

  11. Posted by whoosh whoosh whoosh | June 13, 2007 at 4:30 PM

    as my grandfather used to say, Ein tzibbele zol vaksen auf fun pipek

  12. Posted by anon anon anon | June 13, 2007 at 4:55 PM

    I always wanted to know that stuff. (Yes I did.)

  13. Posted by BSD is a dick | June 13, 2007 at 6:16 PM

    Anon 1:37, don’t even worry about why BSD made this comment. Just know that BSD is the worlds biggest jerkoff, would fuck a pile of rocks if he thought there was a snake in it, and punches his clown to the boys underwear section of the JC Penny weekly sales flyer. BSD is an entry level customer service rep at some company far from Wall St., he fantasizes that he was actually a successful trader who makes more than the $25k a year he pulls down, and he spends his weekend nights on the wrong side of a glory hole doing his best impression of a cum dumpster.

  14. Posted by Anonymous | June 13, 2007 at 6:30 PM


  15. Posted by eff bsd | June 13, 2007 at 6:30 PM

    Sounds as though you don’t like BSD.

  16. Posted by BSD | June 13, 2007 at 6:40 PM

    What a *ahem* coincidence that my biggest fan returns (once again) on the same day that there’s a new Tim Sykes post…

  17. Posted by anonymous | June 13, 2007 at 11:06 PM

    BSD, at the end of the day, you have no fans. You’re an anus-tonguing piker who still can’t tell the difference between bid and ask.

  18. Posted by David | June 14, 2007 at 9:35 AM

    Here’s another one for ya (don’t know if you covered this already): Stephen is a Skull and Bones man just like Monty Burns.

  19. Posted by de Cosmos | July 5, 2007 at 2:36 PM

    SS is not a BSD. The SSD is so B it drags on the Fing ground.

  20. Posted by Roger | July 24, 2007 at 4:10 PM

    Steve Schwarzman is the PIG-MAN

  21. Posted by john | February 1, 2008 at 3:12 PM

    I worked for five years at blackstone and mr. schwarzman may have been picky and had his quirks but overall he was easy to deal with and basically down to earth. I have never felt a need to portray him in the leona helsmly light, so to speak, although anyone that rich who wants more, well i don’t get it. I would want to leave a different legacy.

  22. Posted by guest | October 1, 2009 at 12:22 PM

    @2 – a non-jew likely wouldn’t have stupid quirks like these.

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