blackstoneiposecondayfirstdaypopletdisapointingipoperformancedownwarddowndowndown.JPGLet’s see what two guys (Kurt Andersen and a friend, who asked requested his name be withheld) had to say about the matter:
* Guy New York contributor Kurt Andersen knows who works around private equity “snarls” when he says the name “Steve,” and “blames the current anti-private-equity spasm not on whiny anti-business liberals, but on Steve Schwarzman”
* “The fucking birthday party” (attribution to same “guy”)
* “Where no one gave a toast, by the way, not one” (same party, same guy)
* “We’re where we are right now because of the unbelievable egos of guys running the private-equity firms like Blackstone. They put big targets on their backs by what I consider stupid actions like throwing these big parties.” (same party, different guy—head of the National Venture Capital Association)
* “Ostentatious, churlish, megalomaniacal, tone-deaf—and a hypocritical dissembler to boot.” (Andersen, in cahoots with “guy”)


* “Steve Schwarzman is squealing like a pig” (Andersen, in cahoots with “guy”)
* “Duplicity” (Andersen, in cahoots with “guy”)
* “They’re not risking anything,” (“guy”). “In fact, don’t we owe it to these postmodern heroes of global business to threaten to tax them fairly—off with their … pinkies!—in order to inject some real, invigorating risk into their world?” (Andersen, in cahoots with “guy”)
A. Kurt Andersen and this one guy who works with private equity do. In the interest of full disclosure, you should know that this guy is (sounds like, whatever) Chuck Grassley and that bit about raising the tax on carried interest being in the best interest of private equity titans (“We’re doing this for YOU”) is the greatest argument of its kind that we’ve heard since a friend of ours (not Grassley, we wish) was recently told her boyfriend would be sleeping with a few ladies that weren’t her, independent of her, “for the good of the threesome” they were planning on having (had to work out the kinks beforehand, etc). “Raising the tax from 15 to 35 is our gift to you. You’ll thank us later.” “Me sleeping with someone else is my contribution to this relationship. You’ll thank me later.” “35 will add risk– no– beauty of bravado to your world.” “That wasn’t cheating, she’s just a threesome candidate.” Brilliance.
Greed is Good and Ugly [NYM]

Comments (16)

  1. Posted by typo | July 23, 2007 at 3:08 PM

    since a friend OF ours

  2. Posted by Dude | July 23, 2007 at 3:09 PM

    Steve and tom hudson would probably get along incredibly well.

  3. Posted by Anonymous | July 23, 2007 at 3:10 PM

    wow great catch way to go eagle eyes

  4. Posted by Screw Faulkner | July 23, 2007 at 3:20 PM

    What was that, the first portion of the The Sound and the Fury? Bess, edit, dammit. Comprehensibility is key.

  5. Posted by Anon | July 23, 2007 at 3:22 PM

    Tell us more about this friend of ours, BL.

  6. Posted by Anonymous | July 23, 2007 at 3:23 PM

    i liked it.

  7. Posted by Anonymous | July 23, 2007 at 3:24 PM

    wtf? who cares? it’s just good to see old crab-hands back in action

  8. Posted by Anonymous | July 23, 2007 at 3:27 PM

    “That wasn’t cheating, she’s just a threesome candidate.”

  9. Posted by Texas Energy | July 23, 2007 at 3:29 PM

    Bess’s writing does not flow very well.

  10. Posted by Anonymous | July 23, 2007 at 3:31 PM

    i think that pargraph was supposed to sound like that.

  11. Posted by idiot | July 23, 2007 at 3:33 PM

    thank god bess doesn’t take writing lessons from douche bag commenters. Texas Energy, as one, comes to mind.

  12. Posted by Anonymous | July 23, 2007 at 3:34 PM

    i hate dealbreaker commenters who think they know jack about writing. i’m sure bess really gives a shit what you think about her writing, vinny-boys.

  13. Posted by Anonymous | July 23, 2007 at 3:34 PM

    i’m using “That wasn’t cheating, she’s just a threesome candidate” tonight.

  14. Posted by Anonymous | July 23, 2007 at 3:34 PM

    also i cant believe nobody is commenting on the mitsubishi sausage article. come on people.

  15. Posted by Anonymous | July 23, 2007 at 3:35 PM

    why don’t you comment *on* that article then, 3:34.

  16. Posted by i am not keith hahn | July 23, 2007 at 3:36 PM

    oh i already did i’m the only one. it must be tough for keith, living in bess’s shadow

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