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Make Money Money Take Take Money Money
Answer: Working on this street will earn you the most money without holding you accountable for any of your failings.By Bess Levin
Maria Bartiromo: [Five second face]
Dennis Berman: What is Wall Street?
Yes, people, Dennis Berman’s answer (and column from yesterday’s Wall Street Journal) would suggest that he’s on to your little game. Don’t even act like you don’t know what we’re talking about. You know, and we know, and Dennis knows. You get your bonus checks every twelve months, but the risks created by your work are spread over a longer time frame. By the time your fuck-ups (sometimes monumental, other times just run-of-the-mill) are revealed, it’s too late. You’ve already blown your checks on the Wii (Sun Trust) or ten Wiis (Goldman) (and if you’re Brian Hunter, tackle and bait). What’s Bear Stearns going to do, repossess your sense of self-worth derived from buying that Scores girl a newer, bigger set of implants?
You’d have to bend over backward to a. not get an enormous bonus as a banker or trader and b. sexually harass everyone within a 100-foot, 2-floor radius (merely running the firm’s hedge fund into the ground won’t do it, right, John Costas?) to even flirt with the idea of getting canned. One “top merger banker” told Berman on Friday: “I’m underwater on every single loan on my book.”
So get out there today and buy a million shares of Homebanc Corp. Georgia, which is probably about to fold and turn into junk. Then infect yourself with HIV via a Port Authority regular and pass it on to the boss’s daughter. And don’t forget to send your numbers to tips at dealbreaker dot com so that we might update our bonus bumper to reflect your handsome reward. Wall Street: long-term is just a fancy way of saying the next period of short-term.
Best Bet Against Risk Further Down the Road May Be Wall Street Gig [WSJ]