We’re in the middle of an GLOBAL FINANCIAL MELTDOWN! (Carney's caps, emphasis, punctuation). Everyone’s panicking, running for their lives and spreading rumors. Many of the rumors aren't true but enough of them have turned out to be close enough for horseshoes, hand-grenades and volatility traders.

The latest one is that Bear Stearns CEO Jimmy Cayne has either been fired or resigned. While some have already called for Cayne's head after recent trouble of Bear Stears, and—if it one of those “we’re going to have to ask you to leave the bar, sir”-type situations—perhaps even a blessing in disguise for a guy who just wants to relax and play some golf in his last days on earth, we’re inclined to believe the old boy’s going to buried in the building. And, of course, that he remains as CEO.

Senior MD of Investor Relations, Elizabeth Ventura, told Dealbreaker, “These types of rumors are irresponsible and have no basis in fact.” And prior to being put through to Ms. Ventura, we were told by a Bear Stearns operator, “We haven’t heard anything on the switchboard.”