At the Academy of Management’s annual conference in Philadelphia, Home Depot founder Kenneth Langone (pictured here with his scepter of lovemaking) was out to steal some of PE’s sunshine. Some of the more memorable quotes from his talk:
[PE] ain’t that complicated. We tend to mystify simple math.People who invest in [PE guys], no one’s putting a gun to their head. They’re doing it to make a quick buck.
It’s kind of like sex – there’s nothing new about it.
[PE deals are a way to] get more juice out of a lemon.
Business Week's story declines to mention whether Langone went on to say "PE guys bring home my money, take my money, give it to another man. Squeeze me PE baby, till the juice runs down my leg."
Or even: "If there’s a bustle in your hedgerow, time to divest."
The other speakers (the non-billionaires) were a bit more optimistic about private equity and what it does for companies, and have not delved as deeply into the mysteries of human sexuality as Kenneth Langone (reverse cowgirl deep, which granted doesn't seem all that deep with modern equipment and training, but back in Langone's day...).
The Joy of Private Equity [BusinessWeek]






Posted by Former Eye-Patch Wearing Joker , Aug 09, 2007 11:39AM
haha, classic, you guys are great
Posted by mini ballerette. , Aug 09, 2007 11:47AM
those stick figures are beyond gratuitous, i like how you have to illustrate for all the guys who never get any
Posted by , Aug 09, 2007 11:52AM
i didnt realize such a basic position had such a complicated name
ps, keith, eww gross i have the image now of ken langone staring at some chick's naked crack on his lap and it is totally putting me off right before lunch
Posted by , Aug 09, 2007 12:26PM
He is reflecting on the simple pleasures that attend a virtuous and rewarding life.
HaHa -- Kenneth 'Kama Sutra' Langone
Posted by Keeping Tabs , Aug 09, 2007 12:31PM
Don't forget that in his CNBC interview with Liz Claman -- (she of the headlights)-- Warren Buffett used the word "orgasmic" in mixed company.
Posted by anon anon anon , Aug 09, 2007 12:41PM
WEB is loose with everything except his money and what he is investing in. Investing is almost as good as sex for him so he frequently uses "loving" language" when talking about investing.
Posted by Fake Led Zepplin , Aug 09, 2007 12:43PM
We are going to hire Brian Hunter's lawyer and sue for gross usage of our lyrics from "The Lemon Song" (Burnet).
We didn't make any money at Hippie Fest so here's our shot.
Also, we didn't think a tab of LSD would cause flashbacks 37 years later. Sorry about that.
Posted by fast times at gs high , Aug 09, 2007 12:52PM
WSJ 12:49
Goldman's North American Equity Opportunities hedge fund had $767 million
under management earlier this year. The fund was down more than 15% this year,
through July 27, according to investors, and was down more than 11% in July
alone. It isn't known how much the fund has sold in recent days.
Posted by de Cosmos , Aug 09, 2007 1:34PM
http://www.youtube.com/v/9ZrCkBJVlm4
Posted by Obi , Aug 09, 2007 2:04PM
Is it just me or does Langone remind anyone of Uncle Junior from the Sopranos?
Posted by Anonymous Poster , Nov 27, 2007 1:36PM
There is a mid-level SSC (HD HQ) Merchandising Exec who got the
shaft - LITERALLY and on two levels, Ha! from HD. The suit is Sexton v. Lopez et al. in atlanta federal court (Et al is HD and many of its individual EXECUTIVE, HR and senior merchandising employees)
The crux of the suit is that the lady in the suit and the other female merchant trainee in a 15 person merchant trainee program were only offered jobs which were the
split of a former male's merchant's job at the tiny, 34 store EXPO division, while ALL
the males got "real" 3000+ store jobs, where they could make real money and
had an opp to bonus. 15 people in the program, only 2 women and the women, who had more "experience" than the men, were only offered a
"split" of an "EXPO" male merchant's former job. EXPO closed 20 stores in 2005 and they haven't added any since then. She also claims she was paid less than
the men.
Apparently, this lady made many internal complaints (right up the ladder and to Nardelli himself) before she made an external complaint to the EEOC.
HD denied that she had ever made verbal or written complaints in their motion to dismiss that is now under court consideration. Sexton has documentation, written, verbal and digital that she did make complaints, she says. A merchant friend of mine who was at HD at the time Sexton was there says that it's common knowledge that she taped her interactions with her training and other supervisors, HR and other execs when she made internal complaints about discrimination to them and when they were badmouthing other female employees. Sexton showed another merchant copies of internal emails, written letters sent to execs and HR and phone records of her internal complaints. She claims that she her supervisor changed her resume and told her that she would not be able to take a temporary job in a traditionally male field of gypsum because they "were concerned that she wouldn't fit in because she was a woman". She actually has this on tape and my friend says he heard her supervisor say this to her himself.
BUT HERE'S THE REALLY INTERESTING PART OF THE STORY!!!!!!
HD Board Director Kenneth Langone ADMITTED that
HD had an "HR function that was the epitome of the good old boy network" in
a 2006 Directorship Magazine article - and this suit points out Langone's
admission. In the article, Langone was trying to list reasons for Bob Nardelli's wild pay package but couldn't come up with any concrete ways that Nardelli changed
the way HR and HD Execs treated women at HD.
Kind of hard to assert that no exec or board member knew HD was discriminating against women with a statement like that by Langone
WHILE Sexton was making internal and external complainst about discrimination, retaliation and harassment in 2005 and 2006.
EVEN MORE INTERESTING IS THAT:
According to the suit, HD's Execs and HR not only continued to discriminate
and retaliate against this woman and other female employees but improved
upon their SHITTY behavior by
CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS! -
allegedly covering up the fact that Lopez, former Business Process
Improvement and Customer Service EVP, pressured the single mother trainee to
f*ck him in his office at the SSC HQ. Lopez was directly responsible for
signing off on this woman trainee's "graduation" from training. Even worse,
Lopez is rumored to have told other execs and employees at HD that he was f*cking her,
ostensibly to get the other execs from approaching her for s*x too.
This woman claims in her suit that after she made an internal complaint to HD, HD employees retaliated against her by, among other nasty things, shutting off her office phone for a few weeks, trying to cause her to have a road accident by putting nails into her car tires (in the employee card-controlled parking lot when her child's car seat was in the back of the car) and stopping all of her store's merchandise from being shipped to her stores so that her EXPO business would tank. She says in the suit that she has all of this documented.
I believe what she claims in her suit and I've heard that they do worse to women from the stores. This woman is a mid-level merch exec who says that she managed $135M and $55M businesses for HD as a Merchant and not some typical store clerk angry at a slap on the fanny. You can bet if she's a merchant she made over 100K a year and probably wouldn't tank a good job like that for no reason.
My ex employee friends from HD say that after this woman filed her EEOC claim in the summer of 2006 and told the company she was
going to "out" Lopez and the other execs and HR & Merchandising employees for the discrimination, harassment and retaliation,
that other execs, who were rumored to have had their
own "issues" with women employees there left before they could be identified for the same bad behavior. They all got big package deals when they left.
I think it's a big, BIG story no one is talking about but should be. Especially if you are a shareholder, which I used to be until I met some people who had worked there.
Maybe the mass exodus at
HD's top level, perhaps, and this is just conjecture, is NOT ABOUT BOB - it's about getting the hell out of dodge
before the execs may be caught with their hands in the female rookies' cookie
jars.
Liebert is rumored to have shacked up with one of his "cookies", leaving his wife and kids behind with HD's approval and then later,
before he left HD, was rumored to have been caught with his "hand in the cookies' jar" in the SSC
board conference room with a different "cookie".
They actually called the EX HR
VP Donovan's attractive female HR staff on the 21st floor "Dennis' Harem".
My bet is that this woman will be going on a federal court discovery spree to id and out all the jerks at HD who may have supported or did this sort of thing.
Maybe this is why some vendors are said to have to take HD execs and merchants to strip clubs to get any business done. Four stupid HD flooring merchants were recently canned for trying to get kickbacks from a Chinese vendor - I say -stupid- b/c how did they expect the Chinese vendors to file the hard currency exchange forms? Under "Bribe"? But like HD Director Langone says - it's a "good old boy network" and no currency control forms are necessary within the good ol' US of A for booze, girls or golf outings.
And if you are a vendor, rumor has it that you have to pay for all of these, including "donations" to HD charities, marketing and coop programs where you are not guaranteed that you'll ever get an ad, etc.
Check it out with HD employees, if you can find any who haven't left already, if you don't believe it's true.
Oh, and if you think that HD Merchandising or the Execs at the HD HQ/SSC has any idea whatsoever as to what merchandise they have on the store shelves at any given moment, that their merch systems are up to date and accurate, and that their balance sheets correctly reflect the amount of inventory they have in the stores, maybe you should talk to ANY Merchandising personnel at HD for insight on how merchandising staff have to fight with an antiquated and wildly inaccurate inventory system. No wonder their stores look like sh*t and they're always out of stock.
Good ol' boy network - that's a good one, Mr. Langone. I sold my stock long ago.
Posted by Anonymous Poster , Nov 27, 2007 1:37PM
There is a mid-level SSC (HD HQ) Merchandising Exec who got the
shaft - LITERALLY and on two levels, Ha! from HD. The suit is Sexton v. Lopez et al. in atlanta federal court (Et al is HD and many of its individual EXECUTIVE, HR and senior merchandising employees)
The crux of the suit is that the lady in the suit and the other female merchant trainee in a 15 person merchant trainee program were only offered jobs which were the
split of a former male's merchant's job at the tiny, 34 store EXPO division, while ALL
the males got "real" 3000+ store jobs, where they could make real money and
had an opp to bonus. 15 people in the program, only 2 women and the women, who had more "experience" than the men, were only offered a
"split" of an "EXPO" male merchant's former job. EXPO closed 20 stores in 2005 and they haven't added any since then. She also claims she was paid less than
the men.
Apparently, this lady made many internal complaints (right up the ladder and to Nardelli himself) before she made an external complaint to the EEOC.
HD denied that she had ever made verbal or written complaints in their motion to dismiss that is now under court consideration. Sexton has documentation, written, verbal and digital that she did make complaints, she says. A merchant friend of mine who was at HD at the time Sexton was there says that it's common knowledge that she taped her interactions with her training and other supervisors, HR and other execs when she made internal complaints about discrimination to them and when they were badmouthing other female employees. Sexton showed another merchant copies of internal emails, written letters sent to execs and HR and phone records of her internal complaints. She claims that she her supervisor changed her resume and told her that she would not be able to take a temporary job in a traditionally male field of gypsum because they "were concerned that she wouldn't fit in because she was a woman". She actually has this on tape and my friend says he heard her supervisor say this to her himself.
BUT HERE'S THE REALLY INTERESTING PART OF THE STORY!!!!!!
HD Board Director Kenneth Langone ADMITTED that
HD had an "HR function that was the epitome of the good old boy network" in
a 2006 Directorship Magazine article - and this suit points out Langone's
admission. In the article, Langone was trying to list reasons for Bob Nardelli's wild pay package but couldn't come up with any concrete ways that Nardelli changed
the way HR and HD Execs treated women at HD.
Kind of hard to assert that no exec or board member knew HD was discriminating against women with a statement like that by Langone
WHILE Sexton was making internal and external complainst about discrimination, retaliation and harassment in 2005 and 2006.
EVEN MORE INTERESTING IS THAT:
According to the suit, HD's Execs and HR not only continued to discriminate
and retaliate against this woman and other female employees but improved
upon their SHITTY behavior by
CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS! -
allegedly covering up the fact that Lopez, former Business Process
Improvement and Customer Service EVP, pressured the single mother trainee to
f*ck him in his office at the SSC HQ. Lopez was directly responsible for
signing off on this woman trainee's "graduation" from training. Even worse,
Lopez is rumored to have told other execs and employees at HD that he was f*cking her,
ostensibly to get the other execs from approaching her for s*x too.
This woman claims in her suit that after she made an internal complaint to HD, HD employees retaliated against her by, among other nasty things, shutting off her office phone for a few weeks, trying to cause her to have a road accident by putting nails into her car tires (in the employee card-controlled parking lot when her child's car seat was in the back of the car) and stopping all of her store's merchandise from being shipped to her stores so that her EXPO business would tank. She says in the suit that she has all of this documented.
I believe what she claims in her suit and I've heard that they do worse to women from the stores. This woman is a mid-level merch exec who says that she managed $135M and $55M businesses for HD as a Merchant and not some typical store clerk angry at a slap on the fanny. You can bet if she's a merchant she made over 100K a year and probably wouldn't tank a good job like that for no reason.
My ex employee friends from HD say that after this woman filed her EEOC claim in the summer of 2006 and told the company she was
going to "out" Lopez and the other execs and HR & Merchandising employees for the discrimination, harassment and retaliation,
that other execs, who were rumored to have had their
own "issues" with women employees there left before they could be identified for the same bad behavior. They all got big package deals when they left.
I think it's a big, BIG story no one is talking about but should be. Especially if you are a shareholder, which I used to be until I met some people who had worked there.
Maybe the mass exodus at
HD's top level, perhaps, and this is just conjecture, is NOT ABOUT BOB - it's about getting the hell out of dodge
before the execs may be caught with their hands in the female rookies' cookie
jars.
Liebert is rumored to have shacked up with one of his "cookies", leaving his wife and kids behind with HD's approval and then later,
before he left HD, was rumored to have been caught with his "hand in the cookies' jar" in the SSC
board conference room with a different "cookie".
They actually called the EX HR
VP Donovan's attractive female HR staff on the 21st floor "Dennis' Harem".
My bet is that this woman will be going on a federal court discovery spree to id and out all the jerks at HD who may have supported or did this sort of thing.
Maybe this is why some vendors are said to have to take HD execs and merchants to strip clubs to get any business done. Four stupid HD flooring merchants were recently canned for trying to get kickbacks from a Chinese vendor - I say -stupid- b/c how did they expect the Chinese vendors to file the hard currency exchange forms? Under "Bribe"? But like HD Director Langone says - it's a "good old boy network" and no currency control forms are necessary within the good ol' US of A for booze, girls or golf outings.
And if you are a vendor, rumor has it that you have to pay for all of these, including "donations" to HD charities, marketing and coop programs where you are not guaranteed that you'll ever get an ad, etc.
Check it out with HD employees, if you can find any who haven't left already, if you don't believe it's true.
Oh, and if you think that HD Merchandising or the Execs at the HD HQ/SSC has any idea whatsoever as to what merchandise they have on the store shelves at any given moment, that their merch systems are up to date and accurate, and that their balance sheets correctly reflect the amount of inventory they have in the stores, maybe you should talk to ANY Merchandising personnel at HD for insight on how merchandising staff have to fight with an antiquated and wildly inaccurate inventory system. No wonder their stores look like sh*t and they're always out of stock.
Good ol' boy network - that's a good one, Mr. Langone. I sold my stock long ago.