The Country Is Under Attack

crocs.JPGAs those of you who read the increasingly relevant A2 this morning already know, economists are now losing more sleep over subprime than terrorism. Yes, they believe that the threat posed to the United States by mortgage defaults and heavy debt loads is bigger than that of us being attacked by Canada, which I’ve long suspected is up to no good around the VT/CA border, even though they feign innocence when you ask them what they’re doing there and claim to just be trying to make it to UVM to score pot. This just goes to show you that economists are out to lunch, and wouldn’t know what the biggest threat to the country was if it bit them on the ass. Since we apparently have to do everything around here, let us step up to the plate and bite those economists’ asses: the biggest threat to the United States isn’t terrorism or subprime—it’s the fact that Crocs, the maker of those hideous, hideous eyesores (which, coincidentally, are favored by terrorists and subprime mortgage holders alike), is up 3 percent, on the news that the company will now expand its reign of terror into clothing lines for men and children. If you love America, go short Crocs now. Otherwise, the terrorists win, and you will probably have testify at Osama’s war-crimes trial.
Sidebar to the econs: when you were coming up with subprime as threat numero uno, did you stop and think, “Is this something that can somehow be blamed on Saddam Hussein?” Since we know you weren’t aware that Sadd’s brother Ahmed ran the Sacramento office of Countrywide, which was responsible for 33% of new loan generation, we’re going to go with “No.” Amateurs.
Crocs Shares Rise on Clothing Plan [CNBC]
Defaults Bigger Threat for U.S. Economy than Terrorism [CNBC]

Comments (8)

  1. Posted by Jay | August 27, 2007 at 2:57 PM

    As a Canadian I’d like to clarify that we are net exporter of high-quality pot to Vermont. Don’t get it twisted.

  2. Posted by croc-a-why? | August 27, 2007 at 2:59 PM

    I’ve never understood the appeal of those “shoes” Can anyone enlighten me?

  3. Posted by Anonymous | August 27, 2007 at 3:00 PM

    they’re hot cuz the chicks love em! and thats the truth*
    *truth can easily be understood to mean the complete and thoroughly false conclusion brain dead croc wearers must be coming to

  4. Posted by mep | August 27, 2007 at 3:02 PM

    Crocs=total fad
    Just a matter of time before the chart looks like HLYS. I give them till 1Q08 before the fall off the cliff.

  5. Posted by Lee D | August 27, 2007 at 3:16 PM

    Yeah, branching out into a whole line of outerwear from ONE hit garment is usually a sign that the brand is pretty much played out.

  6. Posted by Bulging Bracket | August 27, 2007 at 3:21 PM

    The good thing about Crocs is that they KNOW they’re riding a fad and need to branch out. HLYS thought they were still the shizznit and didn’t diversify, leading to a crater.
    I think all their products are ugly trash, but best of luck to them.

  7. Posted by Bulging Bracket | August 27, 2007 at 3:25 PM

    Secondind Jay: Importing pot to Canada from the US is shipping coal to Newcastle. UVT ships students to Montreal to load up on weed and alcohol – 18 drinking age, high quality pot, and bars that start thinking about closing at 3AM make Mtl a frigid TJ for the northeast.

  8. Posted by Mario Batali | August 27, 2007 at 3:45 PM

    Crocs ROOOL! (and they match my firebush hair)

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