If you didn't make it outside this weekend, you're either an agoraphobic or an I-banker. The latest farewell email making the rounds comes from an associate (we think, unless analysts now make staffing requests) at UBS, in the Healthcare Group. The individual staffed himself on an important deal in the personal managed care sector, and just walked out, but not before leaving this earnest expression of intent, with the subject "Sorry everyone":
I'm leaving the bank now.I'm not made to do this. If I put my mind to something as much as I do here to mindless text editing, copy and pasting, and getting yelled at for stuff other people can't/won't/don't do, I would be much better off. It's 6:43 a.m. on a Sunday, and I have at least 14 more hours of work to do today that will not be fulfilling, useful, appreciated, recognized, or paid for.
Sorry this is last minute, but it's just not worth doing more
My blackberry is on my desk
Apparently that failed staffing request was fatal (no, not as in I'm going to kill myself, hehe, I'm just going to go enjoy life). There is no happiness here.
I took all my personal stuff. No one needs to contact me for anything (except for a drink for those of you with my personal number). I will only be at my New York address a few days longer.
Good luck y'all,
Just walk away. Leave town. Simplify. It's easier than you think.
(all that being said we're trying to determine if this is real, as there are certain brokers of fake farewells that start chains like this - any UBS Healthcare people want to confirm? tips at dealbreaker dot com)
Posted by Random Banker , Sep 17, 2007 2:36PM
Keith:
Obviously this has some relvance to your life. But you have realize, when HDT went to the woods he didn't spend his time commenting on the goings on in town.
Yet, you are out of the bank and still spending all your time speculating on banking. It would seem one can take the boy out of the I-Bank but one can't take the I-Bank out of the boy.
Posted by Staffer , Sep 17, 2007 2:37PM
h/she will be back on the first when cc bills, rent, dates ?'s are due.
Homelessness doesn't have free weekends either.
24/7 as i can tell...
Posted by , Sep 17, 2007 2:40PM
hah, I did this three weeks ago...moved in w/ my retired parents in a small beach town on the coast of CA. Lunch @ the harbor is usually my biggest expense all week.
Posted by JOHNNY ROTTEN , Sep 17, 2007 2:49PM
I've dreamed of sending an email like this for years now and I'm only 23. My boss constantly barks, "You think you have it rough here? Wait till you work at a 'real' company!"
The dream would be to tell him to shove his S1's, 8K's, 10Q's, and the entire Microsoft office up his overpaid, overweight, under-appreciative canal in which solid refuse of digestion is excreted. (Pardon my English)
Kudos to the mysterious person, who has now become a martyr for those sad souls desperately seeking a way out their abhorrent jobs.
I am not bitter...I swear!
Posted by LT , Sep 17, 2007 3:17PM
Yes this is indeed true, but the individual was an analyst, not an associate.
Posted by citadelKyle , Sep 17, 2007 3:28PM
wow someone sounds like they hate their job! It doesnt seem healthy to remain in that situation.
Question: Do it matter whether or not the persosn is an Analyst, Associate, CEO, CFO, or Banker? Distain for ones occupation can be present no matter what position they hold. Is this not true?
Posted by LowlyLawyer , Sep 17, 2007 3:29PM
This is absolutely brilliant, and I love it. If i knew who you were, I would be happy to buy you a drink.
Posted by anon , Sep 17, 2007 3:31PM
Quants are fighting hard today. Looks like they will win.
Posted by LBhOes , Sep 17, 2007 3:36PM
If this was meant to be a joke...it fell flat on it's face. I've seen real farewell emails funnier / more racy than this.
Posted by , Sep 17, 2007 3:43PM
I don't see where he "staffed himself" on an important deal. It seems like his request to be put on a certain deal was overlooked, and that was the proverbial straw.
Posted by LBhOes , Sep 17, 2007 3:59PM
The "failed staffing request" is a request to get another analyst to replace him. Yes, there are some analysts who actually talk to their staffers without fear of retribution.
Posted by Intern , Sep 17, 2007 3:59PM
Spent the summer VERY close to that group, can tell you that there's more dealflow (same true for FIG - before "correction") for junior guys can handle....definately an analyst...failed request for additional manpower
Posted by drd , Sep 17, 2007 4:03PM
just got the actual email and chain, pretty funny. UBS HC is known to be one of the most miserable groups on the street, it's run by that evil guy everyone loves to hate (Lorello)
Posted by JOHNNY ROTTEN , Sep 17, 2007 4:08PM
Man I got myself angry just now. It's about 87 degrees outside my crappy office just outside L.A. and I can't go outside and enjoy the beautiful sunshine. Regret, regret, regret....
Posted by Sigmoid Freud , Sep 17, 2007 4:46PM
The author of the alleged "quit note" needs a cathartic experience in the work sphere.
The author should go get a job as a Gulf of Alaska crab boat crewman or on the floor of a drilling rig or become a military medic or corpsman.
You want a "life"?? Life will come to you real quick in those types of endeavors.
Posted by , Sep 17, 2007 5:01PM
"The author should go get a job as a Gulf of Alaska crab boat crewman or on the floor of a drilling rig or become a military medic or corpsman."
Well. Those roughnecks should get a job as a crack addicted prostitute. Then they'll learn to appreciate their miserable lot in life.
Posted by Author , Sep 17, 2007 5:26PM
that was the 120th hour of the week. I have another job offer (two actually).
The associates in healthcare are out of control. The guy who started swearing at me shortly before that e-mail was out in Vegas for two days for 'closing dinner' and then was out 5 hours the night before for 'family time'. He came back early in the morning to hand me work that was his to do, which I completed at four. Then, he gave me another two hours of work on a non-revenue generating project that lasted until 6 a.m. Then, the model that he 'wouldn't/couldn't' do that I had linked to was wrong and he then handed me another two hours work fixing it, which was wrong because of him.
I was also supposed to be in Argentina now (but that got cancelled at midnight on Friday night after spending six hours last week making all the arrangements). What a great job.
Are there people less fortunate in the world? Of course - I've studied development economics. I also give a lot of money to charity to help these people out. Celebrate in your fellow man's honest prosperity and not in his position.
On the other hand, who wants to work 120 hours a week for 100k? I got an offer for 140k working 60 hours a week. You just can't lose perspective on these things, and most importantly you can't work with people you don't like (i.e. all the associates but three in the group). The P.S. to that e-mail said - I'll be waiting for some smart-ass associate to shoot me a quick e-mail on 'best practices for how to quit', which summarizes my feelings for them.
Good luck all you other people stuck in jobs you don't like. Barriers are temporary and artificial in the corporate world. When you change the title page of Appendix C at 5:00 a.m. on a Wednesday night for something that wasn't wrong and was not going to a client, you should wonder why you bothered getting a good GPA, moving away from home, learning four foreign languages, working to pay some bills through school and going through the hell of recruiting process.
Posted by , Sep 17, 2007 5:46PM
Awesome.
Posted by , Sep 17, 2007 5:46PM
Awesome.
Posted by UBS GUY , Sep 17, 2007 5:56PM
What a total loser.....quitting less than a month into your job and leaving your team holding the bag
Posted by JP , Sep 17, 2007 5:57PM
Good job, Author. You made the right move.
Posted by , Sep 17, 2007 7:00PM
My weekend sucked because I read Tim Sykes hedge fund book which is a poorly written and boring story life about everyones favorite attention whore.
Sykes is our resident failed trader who has fallen on hard times. This book is basically like a blog of an average person who got lucky trading stocks (which it really should be - blog and nothing more).
Beware of all the phony glowing reviews for Sykes Book. Its the good ole boy network in high gear where authors/investment advisers use the buddy system to give fake good reviews to each other.
Book NOT worth $20!
Better bet is to buy book - Millionaire Traders by Kathy Lien. At least you will learn something. OR Curtis Faith's book.
(I like Tim, and hope he eventually finds a career through which he can succeed).
Posted by AJ , Sep 17, 2007 7:12PM
Wow, someone is stupid enough to buy Sykes' book... if I see any of my people reading his book, I am firing them on the spot
Posted by , Sep 17, 2007 7:40PM
the comments section on this blog never fails to entertain me
Posted by AJ2 , Sep 18, 2007 12:51AM
I was curious and I couldn't help my self, but guess what: Sykes' book is surprisingly well written! These posters must have in it for him because they're missing out a damn solid book
Posted by AJ2=SykesDrone , Sep 18, 2007 6:23AM
Re:"who is stupid enough to buy Sykes' book" (answer: Tim Sykes=AJ2)
I also read the book and found it a waste of time. Sykes is so delusional, he can't believe that after reading his book people are unimpressed.
Sykes is going nuts, posting insults at Amazon over his readers comments if they did not like the book!!
He is worried that he might need to find a real job since selling books won't pay his rent!!
Posted by , Sep 18, 2007 9:47AM
models and bottles
Posted by AR , Sep 18, 2007 10:21AM
Best resignation letter I have read...wish I wrote it myself!!!
So do all the rest of you...just can't admit it!
Posted by LBhOes , Sep 18, 2007 10:50AM
AR, what are you talking about? This was a pretty weak resignation letter. If you're going to quit, do it with some flare or humor. That working group list email form the Morgan Joseph people was a prime example of how to quit / get fired.
Posted by , Sep 18, 2007 1:02PM
The version I got from a buddy at UBS had the following on the end:
P.S. I'll be waiting for some smart-ass associate to send a "best-practice e-mail for how to quit properly". Thank you Nabeel, Bernotas, and Barnes for your previous e-mails. I will be sure to keep your tips in mind.
Posted by Anonymous , Sep 18, 2007 5:18PM
The fact that you spent 6 hours making travel plans to Argentina speaks for itself.