Aleksey Vayner Gets Back In The Saddle

vaynerinthenewyorktimes.jpgHe tried to get a job at an investment bank, failed and went into hiding for about a year but Aleksey Vayner is back, my bitches, and doing what, you might ask? Trying to find a job. Yes, even people who can bench press one billion pounds on sheer exaggeration alone need some sort of way to pay the rent, and take it from someone who knows, 2-bedroom realities of one’s own making do not come cheap. Mr. Vayner has been making the rounds and just last week interviewed at a fund in New York that would only speak about the life change experience if we promised not to reveal its name, because taking a meeting with this guy (or not knowing who he was in the first place) does not tend to be good for anyone’s reputation.
We’re going to get the most disappointing stuff out of the way first, starting with the fact that Vayner’s no longer sending his CV out in video form. Bull shit, I know. Equally upsetting: AV’s resume no longer makes mention of the book he previously claimed to have written, “Women’s Silent Tears: A Unique Gendered Perspective on the Holocaust.” As a woman and a fan on the Holocaust who often cries inaudibly, I have to say, this one stings, and I’m not really sure what the rationale was behind it. Additional letdowns—he’s now going by “Alex” and is said to have come off as “personable,” “chatty,” and “laid back.” It’s like, who the hell is this guy? Luckily, that only lasted for about five minutes, at which point he took off his normal person mask and became the monstrously arrogant and, dare we say it, sociopathic liar we all know and love.
Was the video he sent to UBS an error in judgment? No, was not an error in judgment, fuck you very much. It was just, in the words of the Maestro, “taken out of context.” Oh, and he’s got another book coming out (ETA, Summer 2008). It’s called the Millionaires’ Blueprint to Success , and is based on Aleksey’s experience with the rich people he met through tennis and skiing. He wrote it because, honestly, he’s read every professional development book out there, and they’re mostly full of crap. Obviously he could do better, so he did (that’s called initiative and the ability to do simple math, just two of the many qualities he offered the firm). Aleksey’s tome—a cross between a hard finance book and a self-help guide—works because it teaches you to “train your mind to have the right attitude toward money, and then shows you how to get it.” Seriously, just buy it, you’ll love it.
You’re probably wondering why Aleksey, who graduated in May, is just now looking for employment. Well wonder no longer—it’s because he was going to go pro in tennis, with a debut playing doubles in the US Open. Unfortunately, his partner hurt his wrist two hours before their match, and though he thought about playing as a single, Aleks just decided he might as well go into finance, at which he is equally if not more so adept.
Earlier: Everything we’ve ever written about Aleksey Vayner.

Aleksey Vayner’s Somewhat Toned-Down Resumé
[Word doc]

126 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (126)

  1. Posted by Anon | October 31, 2007 at 3:49 PM

    Still a number of things wrong with this…
    Lives in “Manhattan, NY” as opposed to the New York, NY…
    Relatively low GPA
    Work experience actually looks legit (in the sense of not fake)
    Athletics from 1988-Present under “other?” Come on
    “Millionaire’s Blueprint to Success?” – That deserves the Craig McDermott “Oh, my God”

  2. Posted by Give-up Agreement | October 31, 2007 at 3:52 PM

    Has he sent his resume to Cilantro Fund Partners? I’ve heard they’re looking for a new PM.

  3. Posted by dippy | October 31, 2007 at 3:53 PM

    wow… this guy’s resume sucks ass. how did he even get an interview on Wall Street? Anyone have Michaelson’s resume on file. Like to see that one too.

  4. Posted by watchmen | October 31, 2007 at 3:58 PM

    It must really be a slow news day … Bess. Is he gay?

  5. Posted by Anon | October 31, 2007 at 3:58 PM

    So basically he devoted 5 lines of the top section to say that he’s thought about taking the Series 65, CFA, and CFP.
    I plan on being Chairman of the Fed, too. That’s ant. 2050

  6. Posted by Anonymous | October 31, 2007 at 4:00 PM

    why do you say that watchman? what do you want to talk about, the fucking fed? douche.

  7. Posted by No Name No Slogan | October 31, 2007 at 4:03 PM

    I see two CFA Institute Code of Ethics violations there…

  8. Posted by girl | October 31, 2007 at 4:03 PM

    provided executive support = secretary

  9. Posted by Huh | October 31, 2007 at 4:03 PM

    Good God, a Yale professor deigned to serve as his reference? The man should be immediately fired.

  10. Posted by Anonymous | October 31, 2007 at 4:06 PM
  11. Posted by Anonymous | October 31, 2007 at 4:07 PM

    This resume has all the red flags of fictional experience.

  12. Posted by AJ | October 31, 2007 at 4:07 PM

    I almost feel sorry for him…

  13. Posted by Black Irish | October 31, 2007 at 4:07 PM

    notice his e-mail address is Mr.Vayner@gmail.com and one of his quant skill is “cashflow,” among other egregious items. these guy has some serious issues

  14. Posted by Mep | October 31, 2007 at 4:09 PM

    Love the line stating he is fluent in English. Great accomplishment.
    Also, the plans to take and pass Level I in 8 months a classic.

  15. Posted by Anonymous | October 31, 2007 at 4:11 PM

    Hah! “CFA Level 1 anticipated June 2008″

  16. Posted by AJ | October 31, 2007 at 4:12 PM

    he’s hot. i blow him

  17. Posted by anon | October 31, 2007 at 4:18 PM

    I am glad to see he is a certified financial PLANER. In addition to not having a conscience, he also cannot spell.

  18. Posted by Hater | October 31, 2007 at 4:20 PM

    Why would you waste several inches of resume space on references? Tip to seekers – don’t even bother putting “references available upon request”. Of course they are. If they aren’t don’t bother applying.

  19. Posted by anon | October 31, 2007 at 4:21 PM

    I am glad to see he is a certified financial PLANER. In addition to not having a conscience, he also cannot spell.

  20. Posted by The Yen Carry Guy | October 31, 2007 at 4:23 PM

    The resume makes no mention of the “yen carry”? WTF???

  21. Posted by Anon | October 31, 2007 at 4:25 PM

    this guy is fucked up and so is AJ if its a dude

  22. Posted by John | October 31, 2007 at 4:28 PM

    As a woman and a fan on the Holocaust who often cries inaudibly, I have to say, this one stings
    classy Bess Classy

  23. Posted by Former Eye-Patch Wearing Joker | October 31, 2007 at 4:30 PM

    The fact that this kid walks around handing this thing out is scary. I wouldn’t use this resume as paper in a wood stove, I have too much respect for the logs….

  24. Posted by darth sidious | October 31, 2007 at 4:32 PM

    he will make a fine apprentice, one far younger and mooooore powerful than lord vader

  25. Posted by Anonymous | October 31, 2007 at 4:33 PM

    terrible usage of resume real estate.

  26. Posted by wall st chick | October 31, 2007 at 4:41 PM

    40 waterside plaza is right by Bellevue

  27. Posted by Joel | October 31, 2007 at 4:44 PM

    Hideous formatting to boot.

  28. Posted by Details | October 31, 2007 at 4:45 PM

    Is financial planing like financial planning, only with more sawdust?

  29. Posted by Muni Dude | October 31, 2007 at 4:49 PM

    Man this guy is in trouble. If you look at the resume he says CFA level 1 certification. According to the CFA you all you can say is CFA level 1,2,3 candidate. He pretty pray they never see this.

  30. Posted by anon anon anon | October 31, 2007 at 4:52 PM

    Hey, he is a friend of dealbreaker. Keep those page views up, laddie.

  31. Posted by anon | October 31, 2007 at 4:57 PM

    Anyone look to see if there’s metadata on prevoius drafts?

  32. Posted by abe | October 31, 2007 at 5:10 PM
  33. Posted by momo | October 31, 2007 at 5:14 PM

    Guys come on seriously. Don’t make fun of him. He’s trying his best. Do we really want to continue ruining this kid’s life?
    Bwahahahahahahahahaha. Just kidding!

  34. Posted by Lumbergh | October 31, 2007 at 5:15 PM

    I grew up in Waterside Plaza. It’s the most boring place to live, within walking distance of…nothing! The 40 building is by far the most run-down, with the least amenities. What a loser…

  35. Posted by Holla-ween | October 31, 2007 at 5:19 PM

    His cell number works still and he even sounds like a douche on his voicemail!!!

  36. Posted by Johnny Lawrence | October 31, 2007 at 5:22 PM

    How’d he manage to work as a secretary at a law office in NY from Sept ’03 to May ’04 and graduate from Yale in ’07? Don’t tell me he graduated in three yrs while training to be a pro athlete, writing a book, etc.! Not judging, just trying to understand his genius…

  37. Posted by jaded observer | October 31, 2007 at 5:25 PM

    perhaps michael raynes can give him CV writing tips when they meet in the unemployment office.

  38. Posted by Johnny Lawrence | October 31, 2007 at 5:29 PM

    How’d he manage to work as a secretary at a law office in NY from Sept ’03 to May ’04 and graduate from Yale in ’07? Don’t tell me he graduated in three yrs while training to be a pro athlete, writing a book, etc.! Not judging, just trying to understand his genius…
    Btw, he also interviewed with my club, Cobra Kai, to replace sin se. It didn’t work out so well either. I know, ’cause I personally swept the leg and put him in a body bag. Cobra Kai Rules!
    -Johnny

  39. Posted by Anonymous | October 31, 2007 at 5:32 PM

    i love the idea that jc is out there getting drunk and fighting tech geeks in his spare time. that’s our carney!

  40. Posted by Anonymous | October 31, 2007 at 5:33 PM

    I’m laying bets against Carney. 2 to 1 odds. I’m thinking he’s still semi-crippled from being hit by a van…

  41. Posted by Anal_yst | October 31, 2007 at 5:38 PM

    This made my (otherwise heinously horriffic) day. Thank you Bess.
    Please make Vayner an intern @ DealBreaker, he’ll generate more hits than Sykes by a long shot, and come on his stories, er “feats of literature” are likely to be unrivaled on any planet, in any format, ever, ever!

  42. Posted by Jason | October 31, 2007 at 5:45 PM

    Carney better watch out or he’s going to get his teeth kicked in.
    Oops, looks like that already happened!

  43. Posted by Jason | October 31, 2007 at 5:47 PM

    Carney better watch out or he’s going to get his teeth kicked in.
    Oops, looks like that already happened!

  44. Posted by white night | October 31, 2007 at 5:51 PM

    I felt bad and forwarded his resume to my salesman at Wachovia. I think he has a legitimate shot there. Everyone wish him luck.

  45. Posted by rock quarry | October 31, 2007 at 5:59 PM

    In 2004, chief investment officer of Atlantic Philanthropies was the recently convicted crazy Albert Hsu who set-up his ex-mistress for the interent rape fantasy. One can only wonder what he taught AV.

  46. Posted by hewtonmon | October 31, 2007 at 7:12 PM

    If you were able to read down to the last line, unlike 99.99% of all recruiters who have encountered this document, the personal reference (refs not the norm on the 1st pass, AV): “12 years personal exposure to personality”, or time to develop an immune response?

  47. Posted by Anonymous | October 31, 2007 at 9:18 PM

    Just goes to show how little an Ivy League means.

  48. Posted by Anonymous | October 31, 2007 at 9:36 PM

    For anyone that hasn’t seen his video interview:
    http://www.veoh.com/videos/e1336748NgyMqyG
    This kid is a fuckin douche bag.

  49. Posted by Anonymous | October 31, 2007 at 9:44 PM

    The whole Vayner saga is lesson in what happens when a person with few skills absorbs far too much advice on resume writing (or videotaping, I suppose).

  50. Posted by strong black man | October 31, 2007 at 10:39 PM

    stan o’neal should rape this chiclet silly.
    “WELCOME TO AMERICA MOTHERFUCKER!”
    just my three sharecroppin cents…

  51. Posted by come on people... | October 31, 2007 at 11:20 PM

    this is all really funny…but isn’t this last year’s news??? let the kid be. he’s definately learned his lesson…..

  52. Posted by Anonymous | October 31, 2007 at 11:44 PM

    wow raynes news travels quickly

  53. Posted by bob | November 1, 2007 at 8:04 AM

    As some what of a tennis afcionado(I entered the US Open in 97,99,& 01) I was interested to see if his tennis pro on his resume was anyone I should know. Boy was I surprised. And now I am also making 5000$ a week without leaving my home or paying for anything. Ask me how!
    Gela Meier-Staude’s home page here.
    http://freemlmtechniques.com/

  54. Posted by Anonymous | November 1, 2007 at 8:24 AM

    Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

  55. Posted by DotHead Banker | November 1, 2007 at 8:40 AM

    where are the tables?! This motherfucker gets a thumbs down on formatting alone.

  56. Posted by how do i get interviewed for his book? | November 1, 2007 at 9:41 AM

    “and asset allocation of the entire $4-billion-dollar portfolio in hedge funds”
    Spot the mistake…
    This guy really needs to edit his resume. jesus.

  57. Posted by Anonymous | November 1, 2007 at 10:09 AM

    Tim Sykes ought date this guy, they are a good match.
    They could co-author a book about “Millionaires”.

  58. Posted by really though | November 1, 2007 at 12:16 PM

    how can he defend all of his “impossible is nothing” shtick with a gpa like that?

  59. Posted by Zip Drugs legal online pharmacy | November 1, 2007 at 3:22 PM

    Pretty entertaining read. Keep us update on what happens to this guy.

  60. Posted by um | November 1, 2007 at 5:00 PM

    um – hope you changed the phone number on the resume

  61. Posted by Spencer | November 2, 2007 at 2:40 AM

    Awful formatting. Rejected on that alone. But if I prepped with his dad at Andover and took the time to start reading this crock…
    His experience reads like mine…after freshman year of college. Stop working in Jersey, dumbass.

  62. Posted by Randy | November 2, 2007 at 2:18 PM

    Stating that you have CFA Level I certification is wrong and against the rules set forth by the CFA. Apparently he didn’t pass the ethics part and therefore he probably didn’t pass the test…

  63. Posted by Chili | November 2, 2007 at 7:22 PM

    That’s one of the worst resumes I’ve ever seen. How the fvck did this guy get into Yale?

  64. Posted by Anonymous | November 2, 2007 at 11:01 PM

    His phone number is in the doc properties.

  65. Posted by Jeep | November 3, 2007 at 12:19 AM

    Yes – the CFA thing is sticking in the craw of every CFA that reads this – it’s essentially an ejection offense to claim anything other than having actually achieved Level I,II, or III. Saying Level I is anticipated is not kosher, not to mention it just means that he’s paid his money, and maybe bought the books. To put it near the top of the resume smacks of desperation or incredible stupidity.
    Anybody can forward the resume to CFA Institute, and this guy will be in serious trouble. I don’t even have CFA on my card, and I am a CFA.

  66. Posted by Jeep | November 3, 2007 at 12:20 AM

    Oh, and having the registered trademark symbol next to CFA is just a classic touch. This guy is from Mars.

  67. Posted by tokyobk | November 3, 2007 at 2:52 AM

    If you check the lulu page on his book you find he is not just a mere student but a “scholar.”
    I just wonder how someone who is not retarded, no joke, retarded, can be missing any sense of irony or shame for that matter.
    Where has this kid been all his life?

  68. Posted by Anonymous | November 8, 2007 at 12:01 AM

    Jeep said:
    “I don’t even have CFA on my card, and I am a CFA”
    CFA Charterholder is the correct usage. Using CFA to refer to yourself is a clear misuse of the designation. Its sad that you are a charterholder and don’t even know this.

  69. Posted by Anonymous | November 20, 2007 at 11:53 AM

    Man, too bad I’m taking Level III in June, sitting next to AV would be priceless…

  70. Posted by Anonymous | November 20, 2007 at 12:04 PM

    “Saying Level I is anticipated is not kosher”
    I don’t think that’s true.

  71. Posted by Tennis fan | December 6, 2007 at 8:15 PM

    I am a hard core tennis fan. NO ONE just walks up and enters the US Open doubles competition on a whim. You can only get into the draw in one of two ways — a wildcard granted by the USTA (for which there are many legitimate applicants) or direct entry based on your 52 week doubles ranking. Either way, you would have to be playing doubles all over the country and the world all year long, not a week before. People leave college to be touring pros, it is impossible to do both at the same time.
    What a douche.

  72. Posted by Jason H | December 30, 2007 at 7:33 AM

    Here is the full contact information for Alex and his references. Please call his references to get them to have Alex remove them as references (no one should reccomend that jerk for anything except for Mcdonalds).
    ALEX VAYNER • 40 Waterside Plaza Manhattan, NY 10010 • (646) 912-2649 • Mr.Vayner@gmail.com
    Kevin D. Gray, CRE, FRICS
    • Faculty, Real Estate Finance, Yale School of Management – 917 597 1278
    David Walsh
    • Senior Accountant, The Atlantic Philanthropies Foundation – 212-916-7346
    Anthony LeCrichia
    • Law Offices of Anthony LeCrichia – 212-481-9866
    Gela Meier-Staude – gelabag@yahoo.com
    • Tennis coach with 12 years exposure to my personality and work ethic

  73. Posted by EriK | January 4, 2008 at 6:06 PM

    Guys give the kid a break. I’ve seen much worst resumes lead to 1st year analyst positions at a certain very well known IB.

  74. Posted by guest | July 15, 2008 at 9:03 PM

    “12 years exposure to my personality” haha, that sounds like a prison term.
    Seriously though, obviously this guy is a douche, but what I find most interesting is that he is the archetypical capitalist: “Arrogant, self-consumed, obsessed with money, and damn you for thinking anything else is important.”
    Surely he is largely responsible for his own fragrant blend of douchiness, however, I can’t hold him entirely responsible. He is the product of growing up poor and then coming to America. By this measure, he’s a “real American”.
    Clearly he’s the result of an unbalanced life, but also he’s done fine by himself more or less, and I think it’s misguided to bash on the guy for pulling himself out of the gutter (with oranges and such). His attitude is very lacking, but his achievement isn’t.
    Rather, what’s more helpful is to educate him on how a life out of balance creates more imbalance. He’s transparent and needs guidance, not ridicule.
    It’s too bad he’s such a douchebag.

  75. Posted by guest | July 15, 2008 at 9:16 PM

    Aleksey Vayner needs to merge with Erin Callin to survive

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