Aleksey Vayner

Aleksey Vayner Gets Back In The Saddle

vaynerinthenewyorktimes.jpgHe tried to get a job at an investment bank, failed and went into hiding for about a year but Aleksey Vayner is back, my bitches, and doing what, you might ask? Trying to find a job. Yes, even people who can bench press one billion pounds on sheer exaggeration alone need some sort of way to pay the rent, and take it from someone who knows, 2-bedroom realities of one’s own making do not come cheap. Mr. Vayner has been making the rounds and just last week interviewed at a fund in New York that would only speak about the life change experience if we promised not to reveal its name, because taking a meeting with this guy (or not knowing who he was in the first place) does not tend to be good for anyone’s reputation.
We’re going to get the most disappointing stuff out of the way first, starting with the fact that Vayner’s no longer sending his CV out in video form. Bull shit, I know. Equally upsetting: AV’s resume no longer makes mention of the book he previously claimed to have written, “Women’s Silent Tears: A Unique Gendered Perspective on the Holocaust.” As a woman and a fan on the Holocaust who often cries inaudibly, I have to say, this one stings, and I’m not really sure what the rationale was behind it. Additional letdowns—he’s now going by “Alex” and is said to have come off as “personable,” “chatty,” and “laid back.” It’s like, who the hell is this guy? Luckily, that only lasted for about five minutes, at which point he took off his normal person mask and became the monstrously arrogant and, dare we say it, sociopathic liar we all know and love.
Was the video he sent to UBS an error in judgment? No, was not an error in judgment, fuck you very much. It was just, in the words of the Maestro, “taken out of context.” Oh, and he’s got another book coming out (ETA, Summer 2008). It’s called the Millionaires’ Blueprint to Success , and is based on Aleksey’s experience with the rich people he met through tennis and skiing. He wrote it because, honestly, he’s read every professional development book out there, and they’re mostly full of crap. Obviously he could do better, so he did (that’s called initiative and the ability to do simple math, just two of the many qualities he offered the firm). Aleksey’s tome—a cross between a hard finance book and a self-help guide—works because it teaches you to “train your mind to have the right attitude toward money, and then shows you how to get it.” Seriously, just buy it, you’ll love it.
You’re probably wondering why Aleksey, who graduated in May, is just now looking for employment. Well wonder no longer—it’s because he was going to go pro in tennis, with a debut playing doubles in the US Open. Unfortunately, his partner hurt his wrist two hours before their match, and though he thought about playing as a single, Aleks just decided he might as well go into finance, at which he is equally if not more so adept.
Earlier: Everything we’ve ever written about Aleksey Vayner.

Aleksey Vayner’s Somewhat Toned-Down Resumé
[Word doc]

(hidden for your protection)
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126 Responses to “Aleksey Vayner Gets Back In The Saddle”

  1. Anon says:

    Still a number of things wrong with this…
    Lives in “Manhattan, NY” as opposed to the New York, NY…
    Relatively low GPA
    Work experience actually looks legit (in the sense of not fake)
    Athletics from 1988-Present under “other?” Come on
    “Millionaire’s Blueprint to Success?” – That deserves the Craig McDermott “Oh, my God”

  2. Give-up Agreement says:

    Has he sent his resume to Cilantro Fund Partners? I’ve heard they’re looking for a new PM.

  3. dippy says:

    wow… this guy’s resume sucks ass. how did he even get an interview on Wall Street? Anyone have Michaelson’s resume on file. Like to see that one too.

  4. watchmen says:

    It must really be a slow news day … Bess. Is he gay?

  5. Anon says:

    So basically he devoted 5 lines of the top section to say that he’s thought about taking the Series 65, CFA, and CFP.
    I plan on being Chairman of the Fed, too. That’s ant. 2050

  6. Anonymous says:

    why do you say that watchman? what do you want to talk about, the fucking fed? douche.

  7. No Name No Slogan says:

    I see two CFA Institute Code of Ethics violations there…

  8. girl says:

    provided executive support = secretary

  9. Huh says:

    Good God, a Yale professor deigned to serve as his reference? The man should be immediately fired.

  10. Anonymous says:

    This resume has all the red flags of fictional experience.

  11. AJ says:

    I almost feel sorry for him…

  12. Black Irish says:

    notice his e-mail address is and one of his quant skill is “cashflow,” among other egregious items. these guy has some serious issues

  13. Mep says:

    Love the line stating he is fluent in English. Great accomplishment.
    Also, the plans to take and pass Level I in 8 months a classic.

  14. Anonymous says:

    Hah! “CFA Level 1 anticipated June 2008″

  15. AJ says:

    he’s hot. i blow him

  16. anon says:

    I am glad to see he is a certified financial PLANER. In addition to not having a conscience, he also cannot spell.

  17. Hater says:

    Why would you waste several inches of resume space on references? Tip to seekers – don’t even bother putting “references available upon request”. Of course they are. If they aren’t don’t bother applying.

  18. anon says:

    I am glad to see he is a certified financial PLANER. In addition to not having a conscience, he also cannot spell.

  19. The Yen Carry Guy says:

    The resume makes no mention of the “yen carry”? WTF???

  20. Anon says:

    this guy is fucked up and so is AJ if its a dude

  21. John says:

    As a woman and a fan on the Holocaust who often cries inaudibly, I have to say, this one stings
    classy Bess Classy

  22. Former Eye-Patch Wearing Joker says:

    The fact that this kid walks around handing this thing out is scary. I wouldn’t use this resume as paper in a wood stove, I have too much respect for the logs….

  23. darth sidious says:

    he will make a fine apprentice, one far younger and mooooore powerful than lord vader

  24. Anonymous says:

    terrible usage of resume real estate.

  25. wall st chick says:

    40 waterside plaza is right by Bellevue

  26. Joel says:

    Hideous formatting to boot.

  27. Details says:

    Is financial planing like financial planning, only with more sawdust?

  28. Muni Dude says:

    Man this guy is in trouble. If you look at the resume he says CFA level 1 certification. According to the CFA you all you can say is CFA level 1,2,3 candidate. He pretty pray they never see this.

  29. anon anon anon says:

    Hey, he is a friend of dealbreaker. Keep those page views up, laddie.

  30. anon says:

    Anyone look to see if there’s metadata on prevoius drafts?

  31. momo says:

    Guys come on seriously. Don’t make fun of him. He’s trying his best. Do we really want to continue ruining this kid’s life?
    Bwahahahahahahahahaha. Just kidding!

  32. Lumbergh says:

    I grew up in Waterside Plaza. It’s the most boring place to live, within walking distance of…nothing! The 40 building is by far the most run-down, with the least amenities. What a loser…

  33. Holla-ween says:

    His cell number works still and he even sounds like a douche on his voicemail!!!

  34. Johnny Lawrence says:

    How’d he manage to work as a secretary at a law office in NY from Sept ’03 to May ’04 and graduate from Yale in ’07? Don’t tell me he graduated in three yrs while training to be a pro athlete, writing a book, etc.! Not judging, just trying to understand his genius…

  35. jaded observer says:

    perhaps michael raynes can give him CV writing tips when they meet in the unemployment office.

  36. Johnny Lawrence says:

    How’d he manage to work as a secretary at a law office in NY from Sept ’03 to May ’04 and graduate from Yale in ’07? Don’t tell me he graduated in three yrs while training to be a pro athlete, writing a book, etc.! Not judging, just trying to understand his genius…
    Btw, he also interviewed with my club, Cobra Kai, to replace sin se. It didn’t work out so well either. I know, ’cause I personally swept the leg and put him in a body bag. Cobra Kai Rules!

  37. Anonymous says:

    i love the idea that jc is out there getting drunk and fighting tech geeks in his spare time. that’s our carney!

  38. Anonymous says:

    I’m laying bets against Carney. 2 to 1 odds. I’m thinking he’s still semi-crippled from being hit by a van…

  39. Anal_yst says:

    This made my (otherwise heinously horriffic) day. Thank you Bess.
    Please make Vayner an intern @ DealBreaker, he’ll generate more hits than Sykes by a long shot, and come on his stories, er “feats of literature” are likely to be unrivaled on any planet, in any format, ever, ever!

  40. Jason says:

    Carney better watch out or he’s going to get his teeth kicked in.
    Oops, looks like that already happened!

  41. Jason says:

    Carney better watch out or he’s going to get his teeth kicked in.
    Oops, looks like that already happened!

  42. white night says:

    I felt bad and forwarded his resume to my salesman at Wachovia. I think he has a legitimate shot there. Everyone wish him luck.

  43. rock quarry says:

    In 2004, chief investment officer of Atlantic Philanthropies was the recently convicted crazy Albert Hsu who set-up his ex-mistress for the interent rape fantasy. One can only wonder what he taught AV.

  44. hewtonmon says:

    If you were able to read down to the last line, unlike 99.99% of all recruiters who have encountered this document, the personal reference (refs not the norm on the 1st pass, AV): “12 years personal exposure to personality”, or time to develop an immune response?

  45. Anonymous says:

    Just goes to show how little an Ivy League means.

  46. Anonymous says:

    For anyone that hasn’t seen his video interview:
    This kid is a fuckin douche bag.

  47. Anonymous says:

    The whole Vayner saga is lesson in what happens when a person with few skills absorbs far too much advice on resume writing (or videotaping, I suppose).

  48. strong black man says:

    stan o’neal should rape this chiclet silly.
    just my three sharecroppin cents…

  49. come on people... says:

    this is all really funny…but isn’t this last year’s news??? let the kid be. he’s definately learned his lesson…..

  50. Anonymous says:

    wow raynes news travels quickly

  51. bob says:

    As some what of a tennis afcionado(I entered the US Open in 97,99,& 01) I was interested to see if his tennis pro on his resume was anyone I should know. Boy was I surprised. And now I am also making 5000$ a week without leaving my home or paying for anything. Ask me how!
    Gela Meier-Staude’s home page here.

  52. Anonymous says:

    Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

  53. DotHead Banker says:

    where are the tables?! This motherfucker gets a thumbs down on formatting alone.

  54. how do i get interviewed for his book? says:

    “and asset allocation of the entire $4-billion-dollar portfolio in hedge funds”
    Spot the mistake…
    This guy really needs to edit his resume. jesus.

  55. Anonymous says:

    Tim Sykes ought date this guy, they are a good match.
    They could co-author a book about “Millionaires”.

  56. really though says:

    how can he defend all of his “impossible is nothing” shtick with a gpa like that?

  57. Pretty entertaining read. Keep us update on what happens to this guy.

  58. um says:

    um – hope you changed the phone number on the resume

  59. Spencer says:

    Awful formatting. Rejected on that alone. But if I prepped with his dad at Andover and took the time to start reading this crock…
    His experience reads like mine…after freshman year of college. Stop working in Jersey, dumbass.

  60. Randy says:

    Stating that you have CFA Level I certification is wrong and against the rules set forth by the CFA. Apparently he didn’t pass the ethics part and therefore he probably didn’t pass the test…

  61. Chili says:

    That’s one of the worst resumes I’ve ever seen. How the fvck did this guy get into Yale?

  62. Anonymous says:

    His phone number is in the doc properties.

  63. Jeep says:

    Yes – the CFA thing is sticking in the craw of every CFA that reads this – it’s essentially an ejection offense to claim anything other than having actually achieved Level I,II, or III. Saying Level I is anticipated is not kosher, not to mention it just means that he’s paid his money, and maybe bought the books. To put it near the top of the resume smacks of desperation or incredible stupidity.
    Anybody can forward the resume to CFA Institute, and this guy will be in serious trouble. I don’t even have CFA on my card, and I am a CFA.

  64. Jeep says:

    Oh, and having the registered trademark symbol next to CFA is just a classic touch. This guy is from Mars.

  65. tokyobk says:

    If you check the lulu page on his book you find he is not just a mere student but a “scholar.”
    I just wonder how someone who is not retarded, no joke, retarded, can be missing any sense of irony or shame for that matter.
    Where has this kid been all his life?

  66. Anonymous says:

    Jeep said:
    “I don’t even have CFA on my card, and I am a CFA”
    CFA Charterholder is the correct usage. Using CFA to refer to yourself is a clear misuse of the designation. Its sad that you are a charterholder and don’t even know this.

  67. Anonymous says:

    Man, too bad I’m taking Level III in June, sitting next to AV would be priceless…

  68. Anonymous says:

    “Saying Level I is anticipated is not kosher”
    I don’t think that’s true.

  69. Tennis fan says:

    I am a hard core tennis fan. NO ONE just walks up and enters the US Open doubles competition on a whim. You can only get into the draw in one of two ways — a wildcard granted by the USTA (for which there are many legitimate applicants) or direct entry based on your 52 week doubles ranking. Either way, you would have to be playing doubles all over the country and the world all year long, not a week before. People leave college to be touring pros, it is impossible to do both at the same time.
    What a douche.

  70. Jason H says:

    Here is the full contact information for Alex and his references. Please call his references to get them to have Alex remove them as references (no one should reccomend that jerk for anything except for Mcdonalds).
    ALEX VAYNER • 40 Waterside Plaza Manhattan, NY 10010 • (646) 912-2649 •
    Kevin D. Gray, CRE, FRICS
    • Faculty, Real Estate Finance, Yale School of Management – 917 597 1278
    David Walsh
    • Senior Accountant, The Atlantic Philanthropies Foundation – 212-916-7346
    Anthony LeCrichia
    • Law Offices of Anthony LeCrichia – 212-481-9866
    Gela Meier-Staude –
    • Tennis coach with 12 years exposure to my personality and work ethic

  71. EriK says:

    Guys give the kid a break. I’ve seen much worst resumes lead to 1st year analyst positions at a certain very well known IB.

  72. guest says:

    “12 years exposure to my personality” haha, that sounds like a prison term.
    Seriously though, obviously this guy is a douche, but what I find most interesting is that he is the archetypical capitalist: “Arrogant, self-consumed, obsessed with money, and damn you for thinking anything else is important.”
    Surely he is largely responsible for his own fragrant blend of douchiness, however, I can’t hold him entirely responsible. He is the product of growing up poor and then coming to America. By this measure, he’s a “real American”.
    Clearly he’s the result of an unbalanced life, but also he’s done fine by himself more or less, and I think it’s misguided to bash on the guy for pulling himself out of the gutter (with oranges and such). His attitude is very lacking, but his achievement isn’t.
    Rather, what’s more helpful is to educate him on how a life out of balance creates more imbalance. He’s transparent and needs guidance, not ridicule.
    It’s too bad he’s such a douchebag.

  73. guest says:

    Aleksey Vayner needs to merge with Erin Callin to survive

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