Aleksey Vayner Gets Back In The Saddle

vaynerinthenewyorktimes.jpgHe tried to get a job at an investment bank, failed and went into hiding for about a year but Aleksey Vayner is back, my bitches, and doing what, you might ask? Trying to find a job. Yes, even people who can bench press one billion pounds on sheer exaggeration alone need some sort of way to pay the rent, and take it from someone who knows, 2-bedroom realities of one’s own making do not come cheap. Mr. Vayner has been making the rounds and just last week interviewed at a fund in New York that would only speak about the life change experience if we promised not to reveal its name, because taking a meeting with this guy (or not knowing who he was in the first place) does not tend to be good for anyone’s reputation.

We’re going to get the most disappointing stuff out of the way first, starting with the fact that Vayner’s no longer sending his CV out in video form. Bull shit, I know. Equally upsetting: AV’s resume no longer makes mention of the book he previously claimed to have written, “Women’s Silent Tears: A Unique Gendered Perspective on the Holocaust.” As a woman and a fan on the Holocaust who often cries inaudibly, I have to say, this one stings, and I’m not really sure what the rationale was behind it. Additional letdowns—he's now going by "Alex" and is said to have come off as “personable,” “chatty,” and “laid back.” It’s like, who the hell is this guy? Luckily, that only lasted for about five minutes, at which point he took off his normal person mask and became the monstrously arrogant and, dare we say it, sociopathic liar we all know and love.

Was the video he sent to UBS an error in judgment? No, was not an error in judgment, fuck you very much. It was just, in the words of the Maestro, “taken out of context.” Oh, and he’s got another book coming out (ETA, Summer 2008). It’s called the Millionaires’ Blueprint to Success , and is based on Aleksey’s experience with the rich people he met through tennis and skiing. He wrote it because, honestly, he’s read every professional development book out there, and they’re mostly full of crap. Obviously he could do better, so he did (that’s called initiative and the ability to do simple math, just two of the many qualities he offered the firm). Aleksey’s tome—a cross between a hard finance book and a self-help guide—works because it teaches you to “train your mind to have the right attitude toward money, and then shows you how to get it.” Seriously, just buy it, you’ll love it.

You’re probably wondering why Aleksey, who graduated in May, is just now looking for employment. Well wonder no longer—it’s because he was going to go pro in tennis, with a debut playing doubles in the US Open. Unfortunately, his partner hurt his wrist two hours before their match, and though he thought about playing as a single, Aleks just decided he might as well go into finance, at which he is equally if not more so adept.

Earlier: Everything we've ever written about Aleksey Vayner.


Aleksey Vayner's Somewhat Toned-Down Resumé
[Word doc]

Comments

Posted by Anon, Oct 31, 2007 3:49PM

Still a number of things wrong with this...

Lives in "Manhattan, NY" as opposed to the New York, NY...

Relatively low GPA

Work experience actually looks legit (in the sense of not fake)

Athletics from 1988-Present under "other?" Come on

"Millionaire's Blueprint to Success?" - That deserves the Craig McDermott "Oh, my God"

Posted by Give-up Agreement, Oct 31, 2007 3:52PM

Has he sent his resume to Cilantro Fund Partners? I've heard they're looking for a new PM.

Posted by dippy, Oct 31, 2007 3:53PM

wow... this guy's resume sucks ass. how did he even get an interview on Wall Street? Anyone have Michaelson's resume on file. Like to see that one too.

Posted by watchmen, Oct 31, 2007 3:58PM

It must really be a slow news day ... Bess. Is he gay?

Posted by Anon, Oct 31, 2007 3:58PM

So basically he devoted 5 lines of the top section to say that he's thought about taking the Series 65, CFA, and CFP.

I plan on being Chairman of the Fed, too. That's ant. 2050

Posted by , Oct 31, 2007 4:00PM

why do you say that watchman? what do you want to talk about, the fucking fed? douche.

Posted by No Name No Slogan, Oct 31, 2007 4:03PM

I see two CFA Institute Code of Ethics violations there...

Posted by girl, Oct 31, 2007 4:03PM

provided executive support = secretary

Posted by Huh, Oct 31, 2007 4:03PM

Good God, a Yale professor deigned to serve as his reference? The man should be immediately fired.

Posted by , Oct 31, 2007 4:06PM

http://www.lulu.com/alekseyvayner
????

Posted by , Oct 31, 2007 4:07PM

This resume has all the red flags of fictional experience.

Posted by AJ, Oct 31, 2007 4:07PM

I almost feel sorry for him...

Posted by Black Irish, Oct 31, 2007 4:07PM

notice his e-mail address is Mr.Vayner@gmail.com and one of his quant skill is "cashflow," among other egregious items. these guy has some serious issues

Posted by Mep, Oct 31, 2007 4:09PM

Love the line stating he is fluent in English. Great accomplishment.

Also, the plans to take and pass Level I in 8 months a classic.

Posted by , Oct 31, 2007 4:11PM

Hah! "CFA Level 1 anticipated June 2008"

Posted by AJ, Oct 31, 2007 4:12PM

he's hot. i blow him

Posted by anon, Oct 31, 2007 4:18PM

I am glad to see he is a certified financial PLANER. In addition to not having a conscience, he also cannot spell.

Posted by Hater, Oct 31, 2007 4:20PM

Why would you waste several inches of resume space on references? Tip to seekers - don't even bother putting "references available upon request". Of course they are. If they aren't don't bother applying.

Posted by anon, Oct 31, 2007 4:21PM

I am glad to see he is a certified financial PLANER. In addition to not having a conscience, he also cannot spell.

Posted by The Yen Carry Guy, Oct 31, 2007 4:23PM

The resume makes no mention of the "yen carry"? WTF???

Posted by Anon, Oct 31, 2007 4:25PM

this guy is fucked up and so is AJ if its a dude

Posted by John, Oct 31, 2007 4:28PM

As a woman and a fan on the Holocaust who often cries inaudibly, I have to say, this one stings

classy Bess Classy

Posted by Former Eye-Patch Wearing Joker, Oct 31, 2007 4:30PM

The fact that this kid walks around handing this thing out is scary. I wouldn't use this resume as paper in a wood stove, I have too much respect for the logs....

Posted by darth sidious, Oct 31, 2007 4:32PM

he will make a fine apprentice, one far younger and mooooore powerful than lord vader

Posted by , Oct 31, 2007 4:33PM

terrible usage of resume real estate.

Posted by wall st chick, Oct 31, 2007 4:41PM

40 waterside plaza is right by Bellevue

Posted by Joel, Oct 31, 2007 4:44PM

Hideous formatting to boot.

Posted by Details, Oct 31, 2007 4:45PM

Is financial planing like financial planning, only with more sawdust?

Posted by Muni Dude, Oct 31, 2007 4:49PM

Man this guy is in trouble. If you look at the resume he says CFA level 1 certification. According to the CFA you all you can say is CFA level 1,2,3 candidate. He pretty pray they never see this.

Posted by anon anon anon, Oct 31, 2007 4:52PM

Hey, he is a friend of dealbreaker. Keep those page views up, laddie.

Posted by anon, Oct 31, 2007 4:57PM

Anyone look to see if there's metadata on prevoius drafts?

Posted by abe, Oct 31, 2007 5:10PM

Money down on JC, other punk is jv.

http://www.alleyinsider.com/2007/10/jason-calacanis-john-carney-dont-fight.html

Posted by momo, Oct 31, 2007 5:14PM

Guys come on seriously. Don't make fun of him. He's trying his best. Do we really want to continue ruining this kid's life?

Bwahahahahahahahahaha. Just kidding!

Posted by Lumbergh, Oct 31, 2007 5:15PM

I grew up in Waterside Plaza. It's the most boring place to live, within walking distance of...nothing! The 40 building is by far the most run-down, with the least amenities. What a loser...

Posted by Holla-ween, Oct 31, 2007 5:19PM

His cell number works still and he even sounds like a douche on his voicemail!!!

Posted by Johnny Lawrence, Oct 31, 2007 5:22PM

How'd he manage to work as a secretary at a law office in NY from Sept '03 to May '04 and graduate from Yale in '07? Don't tell me he graduated in three yrs while training to be a pro athlete, writing a book, etc.! Not judging, just trying to understand his genius...

Posted by jaded observer, Oct 31, 2007 5:25PM

perhaps michael raynes can give him CV writing tips when they meet in the unemployment office.

Posted by Johnny Lawrence, Oct 31, 2007 5:29PM

How'd he manage to work as a secretary at a law office in NY from Sept '03 to May '04 and graduate from Yale in '07? Don't tell me he graduated in three yrs while training to be a pro athlete, writing a book, etc.! Not judging, just trying to understand his genius...

Btw, he also interviewed with my club, Cobra Kai, to replace sin se. It didn't work out so well either. I know, 'cause I personally swept the leg and put him in a body bag. Cobra Kai Rules!

-Johnny

Posted by , Oct 31, 2007 5:32PM

i love the idea that jc is out there getting drunk and fighting tech geeks in his spare time. that's our carney!

Posted by , Oct 31, 2007 5:33PM

I'm laying bets against Carney. 2 to 1 odds. I'm thinking he's still semi-crippled from being hit by a van...

Posted by Anal_yst, Oct 31, 2007 5:38PM

This made my (otherwise heinously horriffic) day. Thank you Bess.

Please make Vayner an intern @ DealBreaker, he'll generate more hits than Sykes by a long shot, and come on his stories, er "feats of literature" are likely to be unrivaled on any planet, in any format, ever, ever!

Posted by Jason, Oct 31, 2007 5:45PM

Carney better watch out or he's going to get his teeth kicked in.

Oops, looks like that already happened!

Posted by Jason, Oct 31, 2007 5:47PM

Carney better watch out or he's going to get his teeth kicked in.

Oops, looks like that already happened!

Posted by white night, Oct 31, 2007 5:51PM

I felt bad and forwarded his resume to my salesman at Wachovia. I think he has a legitimate shot there. Everyone wish him luck.

Posted by rock quarry, Oct 31, 2007 5:59PM

In 2004, chief investment officer of Atlantic Philanthropies was the recently convicted crazy Albert Hsu who set-up his ex-mistress for the interent rape fantasy. One can only wonder what he taught AV.

Posted by hewtonmon, Oct 31, 2007 7:12PM

If you were able to read down to the last line, unlike 99.99% of all recruiters who have encountered this document, the personal reference (refs not the norm on the 1st pass, AV): "12 years personal exposure to personality", or time to develop an immune response?

Posted by , Oct 31, 2007 9:18PM

Just goes to show how little an Ivy League means.

Posted by , Oct 31, 2007 9:36PM

For anyone that hasn't seen his video interview:

http://www.veoh.com/videos/e1336748NgyMqyG

This kid is a fuckin douche bag.

Posted by , Oct 31, 2007 9:44PM

The whole Vayner saga is lesson in what happens when a person with few skills absorbs far too much advice on resume writing (or videotaping, I suppose).

Posted by strong black man, Oct 31, 2007 10:39PM

stan o'neal should rape this chiclet silly.

"WELCOME TO AMERICA MOTHERFUCKER!"

just my three sharecroppin cents...

Posted by come on people..., Oct 31, 2007 11:20PM

this is all really funny...but isn't this last year's news??? let the kid be. he's definately learned his lesson.....

Posted by , Oct 31, 2007 11:44PM

wow raynes news travels quickly

Posted by bob, Nov 01, 2007 8:04AM

As some what of a tennis afcionado(I entered the US Open in 97,99,& 01) I was interested to see if his tennis pro on his resume was anyone I should know. Boy was I surprised. And now I am also making 5000$ a week without leaving my home or paying for anything. Ask me how!
Gela Meier-Staude's home page here.
http://freemlmtechniques.com/

Posted by , Nov 01, 2007 8:24AM

Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Posted by DotHead Banker, Nov 01, 2007 8:40AM

where are the tables?! This motherfucker gets a thumbs down on formatting alone.

Posted by how do i get interviewed for his book?, Nov 01, 2007 9:41AM

"and asset allocation of the entire $4-billion-dollar portfolio in hedge funds"


Spot the mistake...

This guy really needs to edit his resume. jesus.

Posted by , Nov 01, 2007 10:09AM

Tim Sykes ought date this guy, they are a good match.

They could co-author a book about "Millionaires".

Posted by really though, Nov 01, 2007 12:16PM

how can he defend all of his "impossible is nothing" shtick with a gpa like that?

Posted by Zip Drugs legal online pharmacy, Nov 01, 2007 3:22PM

Pretty entertaining read. Keep us update on what happens to this guy.

Posted by um, Nov 01, 2007 5:00PM

um - hope you changed the phone number on the resume

Posted by Spencer, Nov 02, 2007 2:40AM

Awful formatting. Rejected on that alone. But if I prepped with his dad at Andover and took the time to start reading this crock...

His experience reads like mine...after freshman year of college. Stop working in Jersey, dumbass.

Posted by Randy, Nov 02, 2007 2:18PM

Stating that you have CFA Level I certification is wrong and against the rules set forth by the CFA. Apparently he didn't pass the ethics part and therefore he probably didn't pass the test...

Posted by Chili, Nov 02, 2007 7:22PM

That's one of the worst resumes I've ever seen. How the fvck did this guy get into Yale?

Posted by , Nov 02, 2007 11:01PM

His phone number is in the doc properties.

Posted by Jeep, Nov 03, 2007 12:19AM

Yes - the CFA thing is sticking in the craw of every CFA that reads this - it's essentially an ejection offense to claim anything other than having actually achieved Level I,II, or III. Saying Level I is anticipated is not kosher, not to mention it just means that he's paid his money, and maybe bought the books. To put it near the top of the resume smacks of desperation or incredible stupidity.

Anybody can forward the resume to CFA Institute, and this guy will be in serious trouble. I don't even have CFA on my card, and I am a CFA.

Posted by Jeep, Nov 03, 2007 12:20AM

Oh, and having the registered trademark symbol next to CFA is just a classic touch. This guy is from Mars.

Posted by tokyobk, Nov 03, 2007 2:52AM

If you check the lulu page on his book you find he is not just a mere student but a "scholar."

I just wonder how someone who is not retarded, no joke, retarded, can be missing any sense of irony or shame for that matter.

Where has this kid been all his life?

Posted by , Nov 08, 2007 12:01AM

Jeep said:
"I don't even have CFA on my card, and I am a CFA"

CFA Charterholder is the correct usage. Using CFA to refer to yourself is a clear misuse of the designation. Its sad that you are a charterholder and don't even know this.

Posted by , Nov 20, 2007 11:53AM

Man, too bad I'm taking Level III in June, sitting next to AV would be priceless...

Posted by , Nov 20, 2007 12:04PM

"Saying Level I is anticipated is not kosher"

I don't think that's true.

Posted by Tennis fan, Dec 06, 2007 8:15PM

I am a hard core tennis fan. NO ONE just walks up and enters the US Open doubles competition on a whim. You can only get into the draw in one of two ways -- a wildcard granted by the USTA (for which there are many legitimate applicants) or direct entry based on your 52 week doubles ranking. Either way, you would have to be playing doubles all over the country and the world all year long, not a week before. People leave college to be touring pros, it is impossible to do both at the same time.

What a douche.

Posted by Jason H, Dec 30, 2007 7:33AM

Here is the full contact information for Alex and his references. Please call his references to get them to have Alex remove them as references (no one should reccomend that jerk for anything except for Mcdonalds).

ALEX VAYNER • 40 Waterside Plaza Manhattan, NY 10010 • (646) 912-2649 • Mr.Vayner@gmail.com

Kevin D. Gray, CRE, FRICS
• Faculty, Real Estate Finance, Yale School of Management - 917 597 1278
David Walsh
• Senior Accountant, The Atlantic Philanthropies Foundation – 212-916-7346
Anthony LeCrichia
• Law Offices of Anthony LeCrichia – 212-481-9866
Gela Meier-Staude - gelabag@yahoo.com
• Tennis coach with 12 years exposure to my personality and work ethic

Posted by EriK, Jan 04, 2008 6:06PM

Guys give the kid a break. I've seen much worst resumes lead to 1st year analyst positions at a certain very well known IB.

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