Here’s a tip for those of you concerned about a fast-approaching expiration date on your job—see if you can put in an application for either CEO of Citigroup or manager of the Mets, two positions in which you can apparently fuck things up beyond anyone’s wildest dreams and still not get fired. Prince Alwaleed bin Talal, C’s largest individual shareholder, said that he totally backs the management of Citi (i.e. Chuck Prince), and that the bank’s 60 percent slump in third-quarter profit, perhaps due in part to a $1.4 billion writedown, was a “mere hiccup,” not unlike the Exxon Valdez oil spill—basically just a blip.
In fact, the only thing that’s been keeping the Saudi prince up at night is the question of across which medium “World’s Greatest CEO” should be printed—a mug or a t-shirt? Mugs are always a safe bet because there’s no question about size (Chuck isn’t really that big though his shoulders are pretty broad), but T’s are just so much more festive! Anyway, details. Alwaleed predicts that the Citi Prince will “normalize” performance in the fourth quarter.
Meanwhile, Mets GM Omar Minaya told reporters yesterday that he “believes” in manager Willie Randolph. Rather than focus on the fact that he blew a seven-game lead with 17 games left in the season with unparalleled rapidity, we should dwell on all the good stuff Randolph’s done in the past three years. There’ll be a sit-down with the Wilpons, sure, but that’s just to smooth (kind of unjustifiably) ruffled feathers and make sure that Willie sticks around for the rest of his two-year, $4.25 million contract. Minaya predicts that Randolph will lead the Mets to victory in next year’s World Series.
If only there were a safe place where these two seemingly unrelated organizations could get together and speak freely of their common love and commitment to keeping horribly inept management in power (and doling out handsome rewards for such impressive failings and pratfalls). Oh, right—Citi Field, the (soon-to-be, in 2009) new home of the New York Mets (thank you for the salt, David Weidner). But don’t write off The Palace of Personal Responsibility, the naming rights for which Citi is coughing up roughly the equivalent of three years’ salary for a certain 88-win team, as simply a place where losers can celebrate their manifold losses just yet. Let’s remember that it’s also the site of Shake Shack II. And we can all agree that it’s easy to let bygones be wretched, disastrous bygones over a double Shack burger.
Citigroup Third-Quarter Profit Slump a `Hiccup,' Alwaleed Says [Bloomberg]
Mets GM Minaya won't fire Randolph [Newsday]
Citigroup and the Mets collapse [MarketWatch]
Posted by Jack Mahogoff, Oct 02, 2007 12:17PM
Love the "Prince" references re Citi and the Mets. Sounds like you're giving them "Raspberry Berates"!
Crackin myself up.