An insane Alan Greenspan told an audience of investment bankers, private-equity companies, and Weekend at Bernie’s fans gathered in Chicago for the Midwest ACG Capital Connection conference that he, “didn’t know enough to comment on an agreement among Citigroup, Bank of America, and JP Morgan Chase to increase liquidity in the market for asset-backed commercial paper.” We’re assuming that when one litigious young banker asked, during the Q&A section of the program, “Then why did you say last week, and I quote: ‘[The $75 billion Master Liquidity Enhancement Conduit] could conceivably make [conditions affecting investor psychology] somewhat adverse because if you believe some form of artificial non-market force is propping up the market you don’t believe the market price has exhausted itself” and more or less flat out say that the super-fund will have dire repercussions,” Greenspan answered the question with the question, “Let me ask you this, litigious young banker probably from Goldman Sachs – that Bernanke fellow, he kind of sucks, no?” and then quickly changed the subject by warning, “there will be a crash in Canada, I just don’t know when.”

On another note, if anyone can supply the glasses necessary for a “Slutty Alan Greenspan” Halloween costume, it would be much appreciated. Otherwise, one of us is going to have to go as a “Slutty Maria Bartiromo.” Or, you know, just a “Maria Bartiromo.” (We kid the Bartiromo, of course.)

Earlier: The First Rule of Being Alan Greenspan Is That You Have To Piss All Over Anything That Doesn’t Have To Do With Alan Greenspan

Greenspan Says `State of Fear' in Credit Markets [Bloomberg]