So John Fitzgerald, who’s getting really sick and tired of engaging in actual auto-fellatio (rough on the lower back), engages in some prose auto-f today, on his website. The topic? Online dating. He’s an expert, you know. “Let me give you a tip about internet dating,” Johnny says. Please do! “Men lie…women lie.” Let us give you a tip, John: no one ever called you a “liar,” but simply “the poster child for late-term abortions,” if memory serves. But speaking of maybe-lies? “I graduated from Penn. [But] I took my name out of the database to avoid donation solicitations .” He also lists a few not so good people (“Stalin. Hitler. Bin Laden. John Fitzgerald Page.”) and in yet another act of unjustified arrogance, ranks himself at #1. After you read about Ann, read this. The whole thing’s after the jump, because we’re guessing that the Johnster gets off on page views (can’t really blame him there), and we couldn’t live with ourselves if we gave him another sparkling accomplishment to add to his Match profile.

A note from "THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD". Stalin. Hitler. Bin Laden. John Fitzgerald Page. Somehow, I am ranked at #1. My crime - murder? treason? pedophilia? rape? No, worse. A woman winked at me on the internet. I sent her an introdutory email. She tried to rescind her initial wink by saying we weren't a "personality" match . She ascertained that from my first email without ever speaking to me. Here is my crime. Instead of just letting her float away, I let her know that I feel that if you approach me, you should meet my standards and listed facts about myself.

She took this personal email, sent to her only, and sent it out to everyone in America. In turn, every blog in America has villified me. I am being threatened with bodily harm, told to kill and neuter myself, that I am a douchebag, etc. My phone rings and email hums day and night, even the New York Times has called (Is this really an noteworthy news story)?. People feel it is okay to post my phone number, address and personal email in attack blogs.

Let me ask you this? Which friend would you rather have - a straight shooter who doesn't waste your time, or someone who can take any PRIVATE email, phone call or letter and put it out there to the world if you cross them? Anyone of you could be in my shoes overnight. Do you feel you have any expectation of privacy when you talk on the phone, send someone an email or a letter? I do. I did not threaten her in any way.

Let me give you a tip about internet dating.

Men lie about their height. Women lie about their weight. If a person has nothing but pictures of their head, they are not height/weight proportional. It is a cold reality. I have standards, as we all do. Typically, you approach people above your standards. I am looking for someone who is educated and who takes care of themselves. That is all.

All of the facts on this website are true. I am not Alexsey Vayner, there are no videos on here of me hitting tennis balls at 200 mph! Just because you can't find it, haven't heard about it, can't see it or don't know about it doesn't mean it did not happen. This is a website for my SIDE career, acting/modeling. I know I am not Brad Pitt. But Mr. Whipple gets work too! All types are needed, and I am struggling like any other person in this business. I like to be on the movie set, meeting the stars, learning how movies are made, and especially eating all the craft service! In my real career, all I need is a resume and a degree. In this world, you are a piece of meat. Current pictures of body and face are needed (I have done casting). They need to know what you have done in the past. This website allows me to showcase all of my work in one place and is used to get jobs in this field.

I graduated from Penn. I took my name out of the database to avoid donation solicitations. It is the oldest UNIVERSITY, not college in the country. I am not gay, although I do try to dress nicely. This is, unfortunately, my real hair. My statistics are just that - facts about me. If I said I drove a Pinto, went to community college and worked as a bag boy, would everone be so upset? I am not jealous of others. All of my friends have something better than I do, they are smarter, more educated, more cultured, etc. I try to take the best of others and learn from people that are doing better than I am.

I am not perfect, nor do I pretend to be. I have no emotional I.Q. I am not much of a decorater. I am an orphan. I went to a mediocre public high school in Ohio. I weighed 140 lbs. in high school. I come from a loving family - my dad (who died when I was 10) did 3 tours of 'Nam, received 2 Purple Hearts and a Silver Star during 19 years in the Army. My mom (she just died 2 years ago) worked the same job for 30 years. I have no siblings or grandparents and have been on my own since 17. I have no one to fall back on, so I have to be aggressive and go for my deams - I can't rely on anyone else. We all have that instintual survival mechanism. I can't love anyone else if I don't love myself first.

I understand the pyschology is to be angry at me. But when you think about it, do you want every single PRIVATE thing you write or say to be put out to the universe? That would be a scary, P.C. world. Pyschology is something I really don't understand. A girl I am interested in will approach me on a dating site, and we will have a pleasant exchange. A girl who I am not interested in will approach, then when she doesn't hear back from me, will delete me in a day or so. Why? To make herself feel better. I apologize for not having the emotional intelligence to understand this.

Every single piece of my life has been put up for scrutiny. I only ask this - do you feel the punishment is worth the crime? An overnight internet pariah for sending a girl a personal email? Everything I have ever worked for in my life has been sullied in one day, by one person. Before you cast the next stone - would you like your life ruined over anything you have ever said or written? My reputation is all I have. It has been severly damaged and can never be repaired. I cannot fight an overwhelming army of bloggers. My future grandkids wil be able to read about this on the internet 50 years from now. This is the time when my true friends will step forward.

Inside, I am a good person. I am generous with my friends. I am friendly, outgoing and funny. I take people on face value. I can be abrasive and obnoxious at times - I admit that. Animals and children love me (maybe because I don't have any). I am constantly using my connections to help others. I don't smoke or do drugs. I basically leave people be, as I do not believe life is a zero sum game.

The public hanging of me is making many of you happy. The catch-22 for you is that no publicity is bad publicity. I am getting offers for things - movies, books, TV shows. I have turned down every request. This is not a joke. Don't let this happen to you. Anything you ever write or say can be used against you and can turn your life from normal into a living hell. I think all of this venom should be saved for terrrorist, rapists, murderers etc. All I ask is that you put my "crime" in proper perspective. I sent a not very nice private email to someone. That is all.

A note from "THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD". [John Fitzgerald Page]