So John Fitzgerald, who’s getting really sick and tired of engaging in actual auto-fellatio (rough on the lower back), engages in some prose auto-f today, on his website. The topic? Online dating. He’s an expert, you know. “Let me give you a tip about internet dating,” Johnny says. Please do! “Men lie…women lie.” Let us give you a tip, John: no one ever called you a “liar,” but simply “the poster child for late-term abortions,” if memory serves. But speaking of maybe-lies? “I graduated from Penn. [But] I took my name out of the database to avoid donation solicitations .” He also lists a few not so good people (“Stalin. Hitler. Bin Laden. John Fitzgerald Page.”) and in yet another act of unjustified arrogance, ranks himself at #1. After you read about Ann, read this. The whole thing’s after the jump, because we’re guessing that the Johnster gets off on page views (can’t really blame him there), and we couldn’t live with ourselves if we gave him another sparkling accomplishment to add to his Match profile.
A note from “THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD”. Stalin. Hitler. Bin Laden. John Fitzgerald Page. Somehow, I am ranked at #1. My crime – murder? treason? pedophilia? rape? No, worse. A woman winked at me on the internet. I sent her an introdutory email. She tried to rescind her initial wink by saying we weren’t a “personality” match . She ascertained that from my first email without ever speaking to me. Here is my crime. Instead of just letting her float away, I let her know that I feel that if you approach me, you should meet my standards and listed facts about myself.
She took this personal email, sent to her only, and sent it out to everyone in America. In turn, every blog in America has villified me. I am being threatened with bodily harm, told to kill and neuter myself, that I am a douchebag, etc. My phone rings and email hums day and night, even the New York Times has called (Is this really an noteworthy news story)?. People feel it is okay to post my phone number, address and personal email in attack blogs.
Let me ask you this? Which friend would you rather have – a straight shooter who doesn’t waste your time, or someone who can take any PRIVATE email, phone call or letter and put it out there to the world if you cross them? Anyone of you could be in my shoes overnight. Do you feel you have any expectation of privacy when you talk on the phone, send someone an email or a letter? I do. I did not threaten her in any way.
Let me give you a tip about internet dating.
Men lie about their height. Women lie about their weight. If a person has nothing but pictures of their head, they are not height/weight proportional. It is a cold reality. I have standards, as we all do. Typically, you approach people above your standards. I am looking for someone who is educated and who takes care of themselves. That is all.
All of the facts on this website are true. I am not Alexsey Vayner, there are no videos on here of me hitting tennis balls at 200 mph! Just because you can’t find it, haven’t heard about it, can’t see it or don’t know about it doesn’t mean it did not happen. This is a website for my SIDE career, acting/modeling. I know I am not Brad Pitt. But Mr. Whipple gets work too! All types are needed, and I am struggling like any other person in this business. I like to be on the movie set, meeting the stars, learning how movies are made, and especially eating all the craft service! In my real career, all I need is a resume and a degree. In this world, you are a piece of meat. Current pictures of body and face are needed (I have done casting). They need to know what you have done in the past. This website allows me to showcase all of my work in one place and is used to get jobs in this field.
I graduated from Penn. I took my name out of the database to avoid donation solicitations. It is the oldest UNIVERSITY, not college in the country. I am not gay, although I do try to dress nicely. This is, unfortunately, my real hair. My statistics are just that – facts about me. If I said I drove a Pinto, went to community college and worked as a bag boy, would everone be so upset? I am not jealous of others. All of my friends have something better than I do, they are smarter, more educated, more cultured, etc. I try to take the best of others and learn from people that are doing better than I am.
I am not perfect, nor do I pretend to be. I have no emotional I.Q. I am not much of a decorater. I am an orphan. I went to a mediocre public high school in Ohio. I weighed 140 lbs. in high school. I come from a loving family – my dad (who died when I was 10) did 3 tours of ‘Nam, received 2 Purple Hearts and a Silver Star during 19 years in the Army. My mom (she just died 2 years ago) worked the same job for 30 years. I have no siblings or grandparents and have been on my own since 17. I have no one to fall back on, so I have to be aggressive and go for my deams – I can’t rely on anyone else. We all have that instintual survival mechanism. I can’t love anyone else if I don’t love myself first.
I understand the pyschology is to be angry at me. But when you think about it, do you want every single PRIVATE thing you write or say to be put out to the universe? That would be a scary, P.C. world. Pyschology is something I really don’t understand. A girl I am interested in will approach me on a dating site, and we will have a pleasant exchange. A girl who I am not interested in will approach, then when she doesn’t hear back from me, will delete me in a day or so. Why? To make herself feel better. I apologize for not having the emotional intelligence to understand this.
Every single piece of my life has been put up for scrutiny. I only ask this – do you feel the punishment is worth the crime? An overnight internet pariah for sending a girl a personal email? Everything I have ever worked for in my life has been sullied in one day, by one person. Before you cast the next stone – would you like your life ruined over anything you have ever said or written? My reputation is all I have. It has been severly damaged and can never be repaired. I cannot fight an overwhelming army of bloggers. My future grandkids wil be able to read about this on the internet 50 years from now. This is the time when my true friends will step forward.
Inside, I am a good person. I am generous with my friends. I am friendly, outgoing and funny. I take people on face value. I can be abrasive and obnoxious at times – I admit that. Animals and children love me (maybe because I don’t have any). I am constantly using my connections to help others. I don’t smoke or do drugs. I basically leave people be, as I do not believe life is a zero sum game.
The public hanging of me is making many of you happy. The catch-22 for you is that no publicity is bad publicity. I am getting offers for things – movies, books, TV shows. I have turned down every request. This is not a joke. Don’t let this happen to you. Anything you ever write or say can be used against you and can turn your life from normal into a living hell. I think all of this venom should be saved for terrrorist, rapists, murderers etc. All I ask is that you put my “crime” in proper perspective. I sent a not very nice private email to someone. That is all.
A note from “THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD”. [John Fitzgerald Page]
Now that he puts himself in that context, doesn’t the name “John Fitzgerald Page” sound EXACTLY like some sort of serial killer?
NB what up bess i thought you were keeping ann on the top of the page all day
@KLW- Yes! When are you going to PA?
hahaha, this is awesome
@ 3:24- you’re right, my b.
And now let people drop more bombs on this guy from the cowardly sheild of anonymity.
Leaving from work, charge your phone for the massive amount of puppy pictures you’ll be getting in the next few days.
Thanks, ann coulter right back on top where she belongs.
An orphan? Mom died two years ago? Doesn’t this guy watch Curb your Enthusiasm? (doesn’t everyone??)
“And now let people drop more bombs on this guy from the cowardly sheild of anonymity.”
I think you mean the CUNNING shield of anonymity. If John Fitzgerald Page had taken similar precautions in protecting his privacy he would not be in this dilemma right now.
i feel kind of bad for him now. god im such a sucker
So, let me guess this straight, he’s worried about his privacy. Has he seen his own website?!
I feel bad for anyone who is not me. I dont post my bio online, you couldnt handle it.
He’s a freak but still, he does not deserve all that negative publicity. Felt a little bad for him
Levin, you are such a bitch.
I also feel bad for him
I still think the guys is a douche. Period.
Seriously folks, you’re kind of asking for it with a website like that. I guess there ARE worse people on the planet. He never should have responded and just let it die on the vine (which it would have when the next idiot came along)
btw did any of you read the alleged response from craigs list girl? i dont care if that girl is orphan annie she’ll always suck big time
I don’t feel bad for him. He shouldn’t be such a pompous ass for accomplishing so little. He’s a nobody who just got made a somebody for 15 minutes of fame. WAY more than he deserves. Who’s setting up the blog ifuckedjohnfitzgeraldpagehardintheass.com? Quick register that domain – it’s my million dollar idea of the day.
honestly, not bad considering the depth of the hole he dug for himself.
unlike the rest of the world, the internet is not fair.
@ girl – yea craigslistgirl (or the NYU sophomore who wrote that response) is retarded. By her logic (if you can call it that) the addback from the depreciation on the asset would have to more than offset the (as she admited) high capex expenses on that asset for the life of that asset. Me thinks not.
Also yea this guy brought it on himself. If he read DB maybe he’d understand why we all post under random/anon names…IDIOT
you mean your not really an analrapist?
Hey,this is the greatest thing that has ever happened to this dope.
For this first time in his whole life he is finally relevant. He should be thanking carney and bess.
The NYT called – he has just had the single greatest day of his life.
This douche does not deserve your pity!
“He also lists a few not so good people (‘Stalin. Hitler. Bin Laden. John Fitzgerald Page.”) and in yet another act of unjustified arrogance, ranks himself at #1.”
Um, that’s a reference to the title of the Gawker post on him. Sorry your little website didn’t get a shout out, Levin.
what’s your point 4:54? and do you really think db doesn’t read gawker?
Someone please set this dude up with the Craigs List girl!
Well, if DB read Gawker, then Levin wouldn’t be casting JFG’s response to being called (by Gawker) “The Worst Person In The World” as “yet another act of unjustified arrogance”…
I just had to pick one:
“My statistics are just that – facts about me. If I said I drove a Pinto, went to community college and worked as a bag boy, would everone be so upset?”
No, asshole, people are upset who don’t think that the car a person drives is a meaningful fact. Though some here may disagree.
Guy is a douche. No mercy.
DB reads Gawker. Except anything posted by Joshua Stein.
he’s arrogant, but not a douche…ppl need to lay off him
be cautious friends… lesson learned. Whatever happened to the guy from bear that was in NYMag?
To paraphrase Homer Simpson, this guy is the doucheiest douche who’s ever douched!
The NY Times called him? Hardly. My friends posed as NBCnews.com doing a story on Internet dating. So in his mind, he inflates it to be the NY Times.
He’s an orphan? Hardly. He’s got to be what, 39? He lost his mother at 36? This does not qualify as an orphan.
Why did he boast about his father?
Why didn’t he apologize for his behavior to the girl? That would’ve shut most of us up right away. It’s hard to criticize someone who apologizes and acts like he learned his lesson, but no. This guys doesn’t do any of that. He goes on some polemic that somehow justifies his behavior. This guy needs to see a therapist about his narcissism. If he can break away from the mirror long enough.
Leave John Fitzgerald Page ALONE!! HE’S A HUMAN BEING!
Nice work Levin, now you’ve actually got the ladies feeling *sorry* for him! He’s going to get laid like crazy now thanks to you.
Hey, that guy sounds like every guy we hired or tried to hire at Enron! Remember when I told the nation of India that “we are Enron and you don’t mess with Enron!”? Holy shit, they didn’t like being talked to like that! Effers at the State department got a little pissed but our guys told them to smash some flat screens in the ops room and they’d feel better. That worked for our intellectual capital.
Jesus…. I miss those days! I really do.
he never explained the cheap watch and tie..
In answer to his question, much like Towlie, I CHOOSE BOTH!!
Well, you can’t see the guy’s brain in his head shot so that implies his brain is probably out of shape.
i would love to see that NYT headline: “Douchebag needs your sympathy; It’s not his fault he acts this way”
Winner actually said “I don’t smoke or do drugs.”
HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
He is not a human being, he went to a 2nd tier ivy.
maybe he could cry on Lauren O’Bryan’s shoulder.
It would feel great to hit him with my car.
I just got back from an early/fruitless night at netti’s and this write up makes everything ok again. My skills> aristocrat dialect.
what a douche
this guy sucks at life, huge homo, buddy if you strike out on match.com you pretty much strike out in a room full of overwieght divorcees… so as i drunkenly read dealbreaker aloud with a room in laughter of your existence i wonder to myself what could possibly bring a man to do this to himself… i have no clue. and to everyone who agrees this guy just straight up sucks and commented i applaud you for your comments, for they are making this a better website than minivanmoms.com
The universe has ways of making douchebags pay.
I agree with saving sugarman…this guy is a tool…if he is so awesome, why is he on match? And what kind of person gets THAT upset over someone sending a standard rejection on match.com? Honestly, he should lay off the steriods so his balls can grow back.
John Fitzgerald Page is a fucktard, he deserved this shit, arrogant dork.
aceinhole – that’s pretty low to quibble with the guy about being an orphan because he’s too old.
if page is being honest, the guy does not deserve to be harassed/attacked.
what the f*$# happened to “live, and let live”?
Lay off him guys, he sounds like a tool but nowhere near on the level we’re putting him at. A guy I wouldn’t want to hang out with, but nonetheless I think we’ve gone a little too far.
He got his MBA from Ohio State; and if in fact he graduated from Penn, he took 6 years to do so. (Does Penn really offer “criminology” degrees? I thought that was the community college special….)
http://groups.google.com/group/misc.jobs.resumes/browse_thread/thread/5d115ab301b62cb6/25871da315601144?hl=en&lnk=st&q=%22john+fitzgerald+page%22#25871da315601144
He got a Bachelor of Arts in Economics from Penn.
That is NOT wharton. Economics = Arts and Sciences, which is really just arts&crafts. At least it’s better than nursing.
Is he really going for the ‘i my be a child molesting serial killer but this is only because I had a bad childhood’ defense? This guy is a self aggrandizing douchebag who had this coming. Hopefully this will be a lesson to the other
An overnight internet pariah for sending a girl a personal email?
Is the retard trying to delude himself into believing that it was just a ‘personal’ mail? He very clearly tried to put that girl down for a completely harmless email from her side. It was nasty and disgusting.
i’m a wharton grad. he does not have an undergraduate or an MBA from the wharton school! what a sick guy. co-opting a school he didn’t go to to feed his pathological narcissism…
i’m a wharton grad. he does not have an undergraduate or an MBA from the wharton school! what a sick guy. co-opting a school he didn’t go to to feed his pathological narcissism…
i’m a wharton grad. he does not have an undergraduate or an MBA from the wharton school! what a sick guy. co-opting a school he didn’t go to to feed his pathological narcissism…
i thought (and still think) that this shit is hilarious, but
1) He DID go to PENN – he was in a fraternity and was brothers with one of our MDs .. so for all of the faggots that are stating “matter of factly” that he did not go to wharton need to get a fucking life and shut the fuck up.. i mean the guy deserves to be made fun of based on looks, but faggots should probalby stop making shit up (like 5:46 above – homo).
2) the guy seems like he has a good heart.. While i made the initial vayner comp, i now feel sorry for the hulk and believe that he ISN’T as gay as the vane.
3) while i do feel bad for the guy after reading his cry e-mail, if he doesn’t take the movie, book, tv offers, he is a fucking moron and should therefore shut the fuck up himself. is he really that stupid?
Bottom line – feel sorry for the guy after his explanation BUT he can only blame himself if he acts like a dumb fuck and does not take the deal offers that he is getting as a result of this. TAKE THE OFFERS YOU DUMB MOTHER FUCKER
Just a reminder to you all that anything you post via email, Facebook, Assbook or MySpace, chatrooms, forums, etc., is out there and able to be “shared” with others forever………unless you are Karl Rove.
7:33 “What part of Penn econ is not the same as Wharton” do you not understand? And what kind of guy brags about a school that he avoids donating to?
Is it just me or does his speech remind you of Shakespearean tragedy?
“My reputation, my reputation, I’ve lost my reputation: the only immortal part of myself.” -Othello
This moron acts like the girl ruined his reputation when, clearly, he ruined it himself. Moreover, I’m guessing he ruined it long before the bloggers got hold of his email.
BTW, I don’t really see why he thinks he’s an orphan. His mom died 2 years ago. By his standards, a lot of other guys in their late 40′s are orphans.
Is it just me or does his speech remind you of Shakespearean tragedy?
“My reputation, my reputation, I’ve lost my reputation: the only immortal part of myself.” -Othello
This moron acts like the girl ruined his reputation when, clearly, he ruined it himself. Moreover, I’m guessing he ruined it long before the bloggers got hold of his email.
BTW, I don’t really see why he thinks he’s an orphan. His mom died 2 years ago. By his standards, a lot of other guys in their late 40′s are orphans.
Oh…sweet revenge…Give someone enough rope and eventually, eventually, finally, they hang themselves. This man is the only sociopath I’ve ever met in person. He preys on young girls (he’s 40) and fancies himself a “man about town”. Maybe he’ll be run out of town and start the gig over somewhere else. Yikes…karma is a beautiful thing!
hahah if he wants people to be nice to him he should stop listing all of his so called “qualities” coz everyone thinks he is totally up himself. do you think he should work in a shop that sells mirrors? i do coz then he could check himself out all.day.long.
quote: Inside, I am a good person. I am generous with my friends. I am friendly, outgoing and funny. I take people on face value. I can be abrasive and obnoxious at times – I admit that. Animals and children love me (maybe because I don’t have any)
In my career as a therapist, I have known many men like John. They too grow up without fathers and as adults, they seek security through material possessions and name dropping. They look for love in all the wrong places and use their inflated credentials to impress others, in turn attracting the type of people that will never love them for who they are.
We all have a lesson to learn from John P. Fitzgerald. First let us remember that our credentials and resumes will never make anyone love us. Second, sometimes even your therapist, although we will never tell you, thinks you are a douchebag.
Funny thing happened
I was a bad Internet person and I emailed John.
I went to sleep about 1am. John sent me replies at approx 1am, and later at approx 3 am.
And also some one found an old Online Resume of his. He took A class at the Wharton Buisness school and A graduate level class at the University of Pennsylvania.
He did get a undergraduate degree from U Penn however
I have been emailing back and forth with this man for several days. It is my opinion that he thinks he isn’t a bad person. I do not believe that he is evil or intends evil towards others.
While I do not think he handled the internet dating situation in the best way, in his own way he may have thought he was doing her a favor.
I would hope tha he can learn from this experience and truly become a better person. But I doubt that will happen.
S.
What is the most disgusting is just that hw thinks he’s the greatest person in the world and has been in “14 major motion pictures”… he has always only ever been an EXTRA! Who cares. Where does this guy get off thinking so highly of himself. Does anyone else?
he is my hero…..i wish i was a ivy league grad.
I feel sorry for him.
John Fitzgerald sounds terribly insecure. Brillant people, engaging people, amazing people, intelligent people, good looking people don’t have to tell you that they are….their actions speak louder than there words.
John Fitzgerald would be wise to learn from the words of Mark Twain, who once said, ‘it’s better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid, than to open it and remove all doubt..’
I suspect Mark Twain would adapt that prose to include writing snarky emails if he were alive today!
As for the woman he wrote the nasty email to? Good going! Maybe you’ll help more misguided think twice before sending nasty emails they think will never be traced to them!
I feel sorry for him.
John Fitzgerald sounds terribly insecure. Brillant people, engaging people, amazing people, intelligent people, good looking people don’t have to tell you that they are….their actions speak louder than there words.
John Fitzgerald would be wise to learn from the words of Mark Twain, who once said, ‘it’s better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid, than to open it and remove all doubt..’
I suspect Mark Twain would adapt that prose to include writing snarky emails if he were alive today!
As for the woman he wrote the nasty email to? Good going! Maybe you’ll help more misguided think twice before sending nasty emails they think will never be traced to them!
I bet a lot of the people who are calling this guy out are fat girls.
If this guy is so great then why does he need Match.com? Shouldn’t women be falling all over him?
it is hard for me to believe this guy is actually real, or i mean, really acts this way. not to mention, what doe sit say for this “ivy league school” if this FUCKING MORON even got a degree from there. “ivy league” simply means “my parents have money and youll pay plenty to get that degree from here”
this guy not only deserves to be made fun of until he is rotting in the ground, but he needs to be dropped off in the middle of alaska, in one of his gay suits and pink shirts. well see if his MBA and MENSA status can get him out of that one, considering he doesnt know how to get a date on match.com. surely a “genius” can figure that out. id like to see this guys obituary, and every other piece of shit just like him.
bravo you fucking faggot
How could he go to Penn and Wharton and spend 19 years in the army and only be 35?
You should get your money back from that lousy hair plug job !! You 41 year old, ugly ass, lying, douche bag !!
For those of you ragging on him, put yourselves out there like he did. It’s much easier to critique than take a chance like he did. Back off and live your own lives. Look in your own mirrors. None of us are perfect so let’s all work on us. He’s learned his lesson – leave him alone.
John, move on. You grew from this. Don’t let others get to you. They’re probably coughing up skeletons as they type. Keep your head up man!!!
What future grandchildren? At the rate he’s going, the only children he’ll have are knuckle children that end up in a washcloth on his bathroom floor.
when you google “john fitzgerald” the first thing that comes up is this clown’s website, #2 is gawker: biggest douchebag in the world, #3 is JFK on wikipedia — classic
The decisions with the bullpen have been baffling dating back to the … you’re rolling him out there like he’s online with the rest of the bullpen?
[...] John Fitzgerald Page, Who (Allegedly) Graduated From Wharton But … Oct 12, 2007 … So John Fitzgerald, who's getting really sick and tired of engaging in actual auto-fellatio (rough … [...]