A failed investment banker, of course. Meet Lauren, an erstwhile Citi employee now dabbling in leisure and unemployment. She’s this week’s “Look Book” subject. Pay attention, for this one may be more sagacious than Chuck Prince ever gave her credit for. Or less. It’s one of those two things. Let’s hear what she had to say.

Apparently, the lifestyle one leads while I-banking is “terrible.” You have to make sacrifices. You miss parties. You lose weight, you gain weight. You get labeled “that girl, you know, the idiot.” On any given day, you might wake up and be neither happy nor excited. All in all, LO’s time under the umbrella was not something she’d ever want to relive. She says it’s because she was unhappy. Then she tells LB editor Amy Larocca that she didn’t “mingle” with any colleagues. Someone once said, “there are no accidents” but it seems the accident here was that Lauren didn’t sleep with any of her co-workers. (Penelope Trunk knows what we’re talking about.)

But try raising that theory during a girls' night out with Lauren. Bitch will scratch your eyes out, then use the severed optic nerve as a garrote to cut off circulation to the testicles of any bankers in her line of vision who, btw, she stays away from because they’re all the same. According to LO:

“They’re like, ‘Multibillion-dollar deals turn me on, that’s all I need from life.’ They all have this saying: ‘Livin’ the life with models and bottles.’ They don’t change before they go out because they think girls dig them in their suits: ‘Oh yeah, I’m a banker, my ’Berry’s blowing up.’ It’s not appealing.”

So what does Lauren do now that she’s not banking or dating bankers? Currently, she’s working as “an international woman of leisure.” She’s loving Europe, even though the euro is so high, making shopping in Milan a little less fun than it used to be and making LO :( , though she suffers through it ‘cause shopping is practically her religion, so much so that it might be her next career move, which would make her "like that Pope guy." (Just fucking with you on that last one.) According to the part-time philosopher, it’s all about finding what makes you happy, gets your heart racing, etc. And LO “can’t think of anything more exciting than clothes. And accessories.”

Parting wisdom? Lose the leggings after midnight, you know? When you’re ready to party.

Lauren, Unemployed [New York Magazine]