A failed investment banker, of course. Meet Lauren, an erstwhile Citi employee now dabbling in leisure and unemployment. She’s this week’s “Look Book” subject. Pay attention, for this one may be more sagacious than Chuck Prince ever gave her credit for. Or less. It’s one of those two things. Let’s hear what she had to say.
Apparently, the lifestyle one leads while I-banking is “terrible.” You have to make sacrifices. You miss parties. You lose weight, you gain weight. You get labeled “that girl, you know, the idiot.” On any given day, you might wake up and be neither happy nor excited. All in all, LO’s time under the umbrella was not something she’d ever want to relive. She says it’s because she was unhappy. Then she tells LB editor Amy Larocca that she didn’t “mingle” with any colleagues. Someone once said, “there are no accidents” but it seems the accident here was that Lauren didn’t sleep with any of her co-workers. (Penelope Trunk knows what we’re talking about.)
But try raising that theory during a girls' night out with Lauren. Bitch will scratch your eyes out, then use the severed optic nerve as a garrote to cut off circulation to the testicles of any bankers in her line of vision who, btw, she stays away from because they’re all the same. According to LO:
“They’re like, ‘Multibillion-dollar deals turn me on, that’s all I need from life.’ They all have this saying: ‘Livin’ the life with models and bottles.’ They don’t change before they go out because they think girls dig them in their suits: ‘Oh yeah, I’m a banker, my ’Berry’s blowing up.’ It’s not appealing.”
So what does Lauren do now that she’s not banking or dating bankers? Currently, she’s working as “an international woman of leisure.” She’s loving Europe, even though the euro is so high, making shopping in Milan a little less fun than it used to be and making LO :( , though she suffers through it ‘cause shopping is practically her religion, so much so that it might be her next career move, which would make her "like that Pope guy." (Just fucking with you on that last one.) According to the part-time philosopher, it’s all about finding what makes you happy, gets your heart racing, etc. And LO “can’t think of anything more exciting than clothes. And accessories.”
Parting wisdom? Lose the leggings after midnight, you know? When you’re ready to party.
Lauren, Unemployed [New York Magazine]
Posted by Zbignew , Oct 09, 2007 11:52AM
"I’ve been denying it, but I think I might belong in fashion. I can’t think of anything more exciting than clothes. And accessories. "
Translation = "I'm an idiot."
Posted by , Oct 09, 2007 11:57AM
Gee another Sex in the City disciple found out that work was actually hard. Wow.
I just threw up in my mouth a little.
You could pretty much interchange her with any other NY contentiously entitled twentysomething woman and not know the difference.
Posted by , Oct 09, 2007 11:58AM
Those glasses give her that giant housefly head look we all strive for.
Posted by Fran Drescher wannabe banker , Oct 09, 2007 11:59AM
She's as much a real investment banker as her sweater is a real leopard. "The euro is so high?" Who says that? A non-industry person, that's who. You'd say "the dollar is weak" since that is her base currency.l
No Ibanker, outside of one's secretary, would have those awful acrylic french manicure Staten Island nails either. Ewwww.
Posted by Leave Her Alone , Oct 09, 2007 12:02PM
She just wants to be happy and excited when she wakes up each day. She misses having Mister Rogers tell her she's special and an imaginary purple dinosaur entertain her. I feel sorry life isn't working out for her quite as well as she hoped.
Posted by just an idea , Oct 09, 2007 12:04PM
Awwww, poor Lauren. She could always try Investor Relations (ie marketing girl) for a hedge fund, if she's willing to go blonde? They're all vapid label ho's, she'd fit right in.
Posted by mini ballerette. , Oct 09, 2007 12:04PM
i cant wait for leveraged sellout to nail Her Tackiness like they did to that equally ugly sunglass wearing indian chick.
Posted by Bess is the Best , Oct 09, 2007 12:11PM
Fuck off mini ballerette. New York magazine already let her make her fool of herself and Bess did great work piling on. There is no need for leveraged sellout, which is no longer what it was, to repeat the same points two weeks later.
Posted by Google makes her unemployable , Oct 09, 2007 12:13PM
Never. Give. Interviews.
Posted by , Oct 09, 2007 12:13PM
I can't imagine the flurry of expletives that would come out of that mouth if she heard someone called her "tacky". After all she is clearly a very classy young lady .... on Planet Whore.
Posted by mini ballerette. , Oct 09, 2007 12:27PM
@ bess is the best, chill. was that really worth a fuck off, oh superfan who is clearly never going to get in bess' nor anyone else's pants?
@12:13, hah
Posted by , Oct 09, 2007 12:41PM
Judging from the only known picture of Bess, she is also in the habit of wearing giant sunglasses.
Posted by Give-up Agreement , Oct 09, 2007 12:45PM
Good God. Is it any wonder people accuse me of being a misogynist? It’s tough not to sound like one with material like her.
“I tend to stay away from investment-banking guys...” because no half-way presentable i-banking guy would want to date a slag like her. I bet the last few guys she’s dated are bridge-and-tunnel guido-types named Vinny or Tony; perhaps there’s also an occasional balding, bisexual Eurotrash-type named Stefan or Paulo. Who else would put up with the smugness she exudes in the article?
Posted by Alpha female , Oct 09, 2007 12:53PM
Female banker burnout - women going to marketing, fashion, ...
Posted by Johny Banker , Oct 09, 2007 12:57PM
I wonder if she wrote that post searching for a man earning at least 500K on Craiglist.
Posted by F Bankers , Oct 09, 2007 1:03PM
“They’re like, ‘Multibillion-dollar deals turn me on, that’s all I need from life.’ They all have this saying: ‘Livin’ the life with models and bottles.’ They don’t change before they go out because they think girls dig them in their suits: ‘Oh yeah, I’m a banker, my ’Berry’s blowing up.’ It’s not appealing.”
Hate to say it but i've never met a banker (in their 20s) that didn't fit that description to a T. I'm a guy and look for these unoriginal dbags all over the city....and then start fights with them. and win...always.
Posted by Michael Bolton , Oct 09, 2007 1:06PM
She reminds me of an 87 Tercel that just got pimped out by Xzibit on MTV. Waaay crappy design, engine and frame, but nice dubs and fake leopard interior.
Posted by Hillbilly Banker , Oct 09, 2007 1:07PM
"Misogynist"?
Ain't that the Irish title of a beauty contest fer female lady docters? Lardy me.
Posted by Lpb , Oct 09, 2007 1:10PM
what an idiot, she's still behaving like an IB girl
Posted by Good Taste , Oct 09, 2007 1:12PM
A prime example of how a cub slowly turns into a cougar....
Posted by Good Taste , Oct 09, 2007 1:12PM
A prime example of how a cub slowly turns into a cougar....
Posted by , Oct 09, 2007 1:17PM
Heard she's been making the rounds in Greenwich at the HF/PEs to be an assistant. To me, she looks like a tacky cheeseball from Staten Island toting a knock-off handbag.
Posted by SWM , Oct 09, 2007 1:20PM
I am shocked that she doesn't think she fits in well with the I-Bankers. Clearly she has a lot in common with the largest subset of egomaniacs on the planet. She isn't hot , and generally, nor are a bunch of a balding jews hording their money, fixating on deals, and pretending to be rock stars.
Posted by Random Banker , Oct 09, 2007 1:30PM
I think the main problem is that when you're quoted in one of these articles you invariably look stupid. Things that you say half heartedly/jokingly to keep your self from being depressed about being unemployed like "I'm an international woman of leisure" get twisted and make you seem like an idiot.
She's right of course though, playing dress up in the fashion industry is more fun than banking. The problem is they all get paid shit, except Tom Ford. I mean Anna Wintour is what "the Dean of American fashion" and she makes $2 mil a year. that's really disappointing.
Now on to more important issues... what the fuck happened to the leverage sell out? I assume all their friends were analysts and have just moved on to PE/Hedge Fund jobs and they're becoming more tight lipped and thus the site is running out of material.
Its like now they're just so fucking lazy they wait for something to happening like this look book posting and they're so nonclever is painful to read. I wish they would spend some time doing some research. The main problem is they don't have enough industry experience to rely on some older stories when new material is scarce.
Posted by MG , Oct 09, 2007 1:30PM
I'd love to defend her, but I just can't! What a worthless POS! As much as I find most younger bankers intolerable (and her comments regarding them spot-on), where does she get off insulting their insecure, cocky preening whilst she boasts about her Pucci shoes, Chanel bag, and Milanese shopping habit?
Here's the solution: We should build a max security wall around Scarsdale and just enough of White Plains to include the Westchester Mall. Into our supermax town, we should throw in all worthless "these brands are my identity" people. We could send in food and enough faux Prada clutches to keep 'em happy and never have to deal with them again.
Posted by alice cooper , Oct 09, 2007 1:33PM
she probably has all the enthusiasm of a corpse in bed
Posted by Captain Stabbin (thats right) , Oct 09, 2007 1:34PM
@ 1:20- Hey assclown, we're not all balding...
...yet
Posted by , Oct 09, 2007 1:40PM
My friends tell me she's an '06 Michigan grad... sort of depressing that she already looks old and washed up....
Posted by Derivatives in Dallas , Oct 09, 2007 1:44PM
They don’t change before they go out because they think girls dig them in their suits: ‘Oh yeah, I’m a banker, my ’Berry’s blowing up.’ It’s not appealing.”
I don't remember if she said anything else but this is gold, jerry, gold.
Posted by Random Banker , Oct 09, 2007 2:01PM
Derivatives does Dalas:
Do you know anyone who who is actually like that? First of all who the fuck even wears a suit to the office anymore? I mean people think they're cool cause they're bankers... i mean the same way everyone else tell themselves little lies to get through their life, teachers "make a difference", mail men provided a vital Cog in global communications, ect.... but we all change clothes before we go out. Who the fuck doesn't change before going out? those people are losers and it doesn't have anything to do with the fact that they happen to work in banking.
Posted by , Oct 09, 2007 2:27PM
"First of all who the fuck even wears a suit to the office anymore? "
Uh ... seriously?
Posted by L'Emmerdeur , Oct 09, 2007 2:28PM
So, how about a poll? What's the over and under on how many IBs fucked her over for her to get this jaded?
Not that I blame them. She has "Find Me, Feed Me, Fuck Me, Forget Me" tattooed right above the inevitable Albrecht Durer-inspired tramp stamp.
Posted by Random Banker , Oct 09, 2007 2:35PM
Anonymous:
Seriously, maybe I should have specified. What Junior Banker not at Lehman or Bear who doesn't have a client meeting wears a suit to the office?
Posted by Mitch Easter , Oct 09, 2007 2:42PM
"Withdrawal in disgust is not the same as apathy"
Posted by Big Pimpin' , Oct 09, 2007 2:57PM
"International woman of leisure" = whore
whore + ghetto claws = cheap whore
cheap whore + leopard print = tacky cheap whore
tacky cheap whore + designer labels = overpriced
Posted by , Oct 09, 2007 3:38PM
Nice threads. Not. Victoria Beckham circa 1998 Posh Spice
Posted by Lil Pimpin , Oct 09, 2007 3:46PM
she's just bitter at having been treated like the village bicycle, getting older, losing her looks and being recognized for the vapid fool she is.
and i like the ghetto claws
Posted by J , Oct 09, 2007 4:04PM
'06 grad ??? she looks like she's 35
Posted by T Callahan , Oct 09, 2007 4:07PM
Lots of people take seven years to graduate.
Posted by MichiganGrad , Oct 09, 2007 4:15PM
Michigan '06 Grad, Alpha Phi Sorority, not hot, but a former Miss Teen Michigan
Posted by Anal_yst , Oct 09, 2007 5:40PM
She's (one way or another) giving balding ibankers sh!t? Has anyone checked out the size of that forehead? She seriously could fund her insipid shopping habit selling ad space on that thing. Damnnnn!!!
Posted by blah , Oct 09, 2007 6:17PM
everybody needs to get a life - she makes valid points - she probably shouldn't have phrased it the way she did - but how do you know - it was written by somebody else
the fact that we are all reading this article and responding makes us retarded (yes including myself but i had to say something)
get a life bankers!
Posted by blah , Oct 09, 2007 6:18PM
everybody needs to get a life - she makes valid points - she probably shouldn't have phrased it the way she did - but how do you know - it was written by somebody else
the fact that we are all reading this article and responding makes us re-tar-ded (yes including myself but i had to say something)
get a life bankers!
Posted by DBH , Oct 09, 2007 9:41PM
It's interesting that Bess seems to equate leaving investment banking behind as failure. Wasn't the now-missing-in-action Keith Hahn an investment banking program dropout? Bess, do you label him a failure? He became a blogger. Probably a pretty big step down in compensation and stature there, some would say. (Probably many of them on this thread, who might not openly admit it to you Bess, since most of them want to seem to get into your pants)
At least this chick's smart enough to know what she doesn't like. Investment banking takes commitment and it isn't for everyone. Come on, there are a lot of investment banking assholes out there. And despite what the banking firms would have you believe, it's still tougher for the ladies to get a fair shake. (Disclosure: I was an investment banker for several years, now at a hedge fund. And no, I don't think I would have been considered in the asshole category).
Many of you knock her look. Whatever. But in the world of fashion, I think she'd fare well in spite of those who ridicule her here. She clearly knows how to accessorize. And as for skewering her for talking to the press, she's no longer on Wall Street. So she didn't make a fool of herself in the same way that the 'models and bottles' assholes did, or the guy from Bear Stearns who made the same unfortunate error of appearing in an earlier "Look Book" piece. In the fashion world press is more considered a good thing, not something to vilify.
I hope that Lauren does well in the fashion world. In spite of what most of you seem to think, I bet she gets some interviews out of the "Look Book" piece. And if she does, good for her!
Posted by DBH was one of those assholes , Oct 09, 2007 10:01PM
@9:41 - if you mean interviews at wet seal and abercrombie, then you are probably right
Posted by McLovin , Oct 10, 2007 7:14AM
I hear she's going to be in a video with Aleksay.. I can't wait!
...and.. she is hot.
Posted by BL , Oct 10, 2007 11:11AM
I looked at the larger picture on NYM...I think she's hot.
Posted by Mk , Oct 10, 2007 1:08PM
Check out her facebook...that pic does not do her justice.
Posted by really? , Oct 11, 2007 8:20PM
follows the sex and the city stereotype..and crashes.
surprise!
not really..
Posted by mooey , Oct 17, 2007 6:15PM
It's interesting but all the bad comments were made before 5pm EST on Friday,10/9-presumably by people equally as bad-Shouldn't YOU be working?Or are you getting PAID for being unemployed??Either way, you're cheating someone-yourself; as a compromise to your supposed integrity, or your boss; for his/her trust in you! At least Lauren had the guts to get out of IB when she knew she could no longer do her firm justice!! And, by the way; She never sat around and did nothing, i.e. on the internet during business hours. She was an extremely hard worker! Better than that--she is super smart and never cheated anyone! She is very trustworthy! The article contains "some" of her own words, Other things said were all in good fun. You people need to chill!!!!
Posted by gina , Oct 22, 2007 7:08PM
im giving lauren credit. All of you who have the time to talk negetively, you need to get a job. Your all just jelous, i wouldnt blame you either.
GO LAUREN!
Posted by Siegfried and Roy Love Leopard Girl , Jan 29, 2008 11:29PM
I Vunder if Lauren would be happy join our show as the newest Leopard? If that vont verk, maybe she will sign up to be the host of I-Bankers Gone Vild!