Pink Slips For Everyone!
UBS To Cut 1,500 From Its Investment Bank

Posted by , Oct 01, 2007 1:06PM

I don't get the picture - what is is supposed to be?

Posted by , Oct 01, 2007 1:07PM

a flask

Posted by John Carney, Oct 01, 2007 1:07PM

I represents something like: "drinking away your woes after you've been fired."

Posted by , Oct 01, 2007 1:08PM

a knocked over flask on top of a pink slip.

Posted by , Oct 01, 2007 1:09PM

thats a veyr pretty pink

Posted by Cilantro Fund Closing, Read All About It In New Book, Oct 01, 2007 1:09PM

Cilantro Fund Closing, Read All About It In New Book

Today, it is both with great sadness and joy that I am announcing the closing of my hedge fund, Cilantro Fund Partners, LP and the official release of my debut book An American Hedge Fund. Thanks to the success of my TV show, 'Wall Street Warriors', I've been inundated with questions from people wanting to know more about stock trading and hedge funds. I am sick and tired of how little the general public knows about these subjects. Some of you might not think this is relevant to you, but you're wrong. Whether you're in finance or not, this is about protecting our right to freedom of speech.

SEC regulations prohibit hedge funds from advertising, talking to the press and detailing our businesses to anybody worth less than $1 million. This has created an environment ripe with manipulation and ignorance, causing trillions of dollars in unnecessary losses. I, along with the rest of the hedge fund industry, have been prohibited from discussing our profession because it is not fit for public consumption. This is absurd. We represent the very definition of American Entrepreneurship and yet we have been forced into silence. Hedge funds have $2 trillion invested, are responsible for nearly 40% of all market activity and yet nobody has any idea as to the inner-workings of this colossal industry. Great sums of money are made and lost every day and yet our inability to pass on our experiences to others prohibits us from learning--this is extremely dangerous.

Wealthy and non-wealthy investors alike should be free to learn about hedge funds and the speculative strategies they employ in order to practice safer and more profitable investing.

No longer will I play by these misguided rules. I should be free to discuss my business, for I am an American entrepreneur. I call this freedom of finance. Freedom of finance is the concept of a hedge fund manager’s right to discuss business freely without fear of penalty or censorship. I practice what I preach; An American Hedge Fund is my story.

Perhaps more importantly, my book also aims to get people excited about finance. It's incredibly important to start learning about business and finance at a young age, but due to the boring subject matter, young people instead turn to 'American Idol' and 'America's Next Top Model'. I can definitely relate--all but a few finance books have bored me to tears. So I made sure to not make that mistake and based on over 150 pre-release testimonials, it looks like I've succeeded. Here's a passage from my latest review from Spencer Jakab of the Dow Jones Newswire:

"The tale is "like a Catcher in the Rye for traders" in the words of Aaron C. Brown, an executive at giant hedge fund company AQR Capital Management and an author in his own right of the acclaimed book "The Poker Face of Wall Street." There's certainly a dash of Holden Caulfield to Sykes, but there's at least an equal part Larry Livingston, the trader in Edwin LeFevre's classic "Reminiscences of a Stock Operator." Though nominally fictional and written in the first person, Livingston's story is a thinly-veiled biography of Jesse Livermore, the "boy plunger" who captivated Wall Street in the early 20th century with his bold, instinctive trading. To round out the package, there's a good bit of James Cramer in Sykes too."

So please check out An American Hedge Fund and let me know what you think. This is just the first of many products my new publishing company, BullShip Press, will be launching over the coming months and years. Yes, that's seriously the name of my new company, it's inspired by what I think most people on Wall Street are full of and what I'm determined to cut through. So get ready to be educated and entertained.

Visit TimothySykes.com for more information.

Posted by Candy Man, Oct 01, 2007 1:13PM

Citi is in the middle of job cuts but there should be more coming.

Posted by , Oct 01, 2007 1:15PM

ooooooh i get it, he's an educator and a crusader now. thanks for protecting my freedom of speech to buy your book, guy. yeah, that makes sense.

Posted by , Oct 01, 2007 1:22PM

Uh citi is reducing like 5% of its entire workforce no?

Posted by AJ, Oct 01, 2007 1:24PM

I can't believe the book reviewer compared Sykes to Cramer. Cramer at least clearly knows his shit and has a long track record even though he's gone completely nuts.

Also, someone needs to explain to me how Sykes found QIBs that would invest in his million dollar fund (if that). I've never understood that.

Posted by , Oct 01, 2007 1:27PM

QIBs = mom + aunt doris

Posted by , Oct 01, 2007 1:30PM

Last time I was fired I didn't even get a lousy pink slip. Just a "here's six month's severance - don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out".

Posted by we should ignore sykes, maybe he'll go away, Oct 01, 2007 1:48PM

at least you got a six month severance

Posted by Anonymous, Oct 01, 2007 2:04PM

what was severance package at UBS? Anyone know of particular groups at UBS getting the boo0t? What is severance package these days at wall street investment banks?

Posted by Still Employed, Oct 01, 2007 2:18PM

Maybe DealBreaker needs to put together something like the BonusBumper but for severance packages.

Posted by , Oct 01, 2007 2:45PM

i got 6mos of my base. i was fit to be tied. not even a % of last bonus

Posted by ex-DRCM, Oct 01, 2007 3:19PM

After the way UBS treated the ex-Dillon Read middle office/back officesupport staff/legal folks, I'm glad karma has caught up to some of the senior IB people.

If you want the inside dirt on any bank layoffs (a few weeks after the fact), drop some of the outplacement centers. I think if you are an ex-MD you get a private cube with access to a printer with actual toner.

Posted by HF, Oct 01, 2007 4:56PM

Any idea on how their Prime Brokerage is holding up?