• 30 Oct 2007 at 1:12 PM
  • UBS

UBS’s Triumphant Return To Profitability Will Be Paved By Encouraging Employees To Please, For The Love Of Christ, Do Us A Favor And Print On Both Sides Of The Paper

By

Dear Colleagues,
As we approach the close of 2007, I would like to take this opportunity to bring your attention to the continued effort around cost control, balance sheet management and overall efficiency. History has shown that the fourth quarter is where we have lost ground and focus on these key initiatives. Therefore, I encourage you to take all necessary measures to make sure that you don’t take your eyes off the ball and allow end of year cost creep to occur.
Thank you for your attention to this “timely” measure. I appreciate your leadership and partnership in finishing the year on a strong note.
Best,
Michael Weisberg
Global Head Products & Services

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    Comments (9)

    1. 1
      Posted by Anonymous | October 30, 2007 at 1:19 PM

      im so embarassed for ubs right now.

    2. 2
      Posted by Jordan Golson | October 30, 2007 at 1:59 PM

      Best. Headline. Ever.

    3. 3
      Posted by The Helpful Trader | October 30, 2007 at 2:16 PM

      If they’d just deduct a couple of bucks out of paychecks for viewing NSFW items, maybe that would help get them closer to being in the black? Anyone?

    4. 4
      Posted by Zbignew | October 30, 2007 at 3:44 PM

      “Thank you for your attention to this “timely” measure.”
      I can’t fucking stand weenies who put quotation marks around words inappropriately. When writing by hand, that guy probably dots his i’s with little circles.

    5. 5
      Posted by Anal_yst | October 31, 2007 at 1:14 AM

      @ Zbignew – methinks he probably dots them with bubbly hearts like he learned from the helpful “people people” @ Mercer

    6. 6
      Posted by Euro hedger | October 31, 2007 at 6:23 AM

      “Alledgedly” Weisberg’s career is littered with the dead rotting corpses of those he has stepped over, but “Products and Services” is a cost centre, and not exactly the centre of the UBS universe.
      Cant imagine they will be looking forward to huge christmas hampers.
      Shame. (cough)

    7. 7
      Posted by The Eggman | November 3, 2007 at 1:31 PM

      There is a moron within the bowels of UBS that actually requires employees to recycle paper by using both sides…I guess thinking up ideas like this instead of going out and finding business constitutes working for a living…

    8. 8
      Posted by erniejohnson | December 15, 2007 at 2:13 AM

      Hey Euro hedger- i can only assume you were one of the dead rotting corpses…loser boy.

    9. 9
      Posted by Adelia Medak | May 7, 2012 at 7:29 PM

      The pretty crux of your respective writing whilst appearing reasonable originally, did not definitely operate well with me personally after some time. Somewhere throughout the paragraphs you were able to make me a believer but just for a while. I still have got a challenge with the leaps in assumptions and one particular may do well to fill in those breaks. In the event that you truly can accomplish that, I’ll surely be fascinated.

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