Slippery When Wet: A Retired Hedge Fund Guy's Surprising Picks

In the Financial Times today, James Altucher relates the tale of a rain-soaked ride in a convertible with a 31-year old former hedge fund manager who retired two years ago. So either the guy was incredibly lucky or he's a genius. We're going with genius for now because one of his picks shows that this one guy who knows what he's talking about.

Alucher calls his "Ralph" but that's a pseudonym. He's asked Altucher not to use his real name. (Anyone want to hazard a guess?) And his stock picks are rather surprising.

• Citigroup: It's a bet on a rate cut bailing out the banks.
• Ram Holdings: A re-insurer of financial services firms with a less risky portfolio than others in the industry.
• Radian: Another re-insurer getting beat down with the rest of the industry despite having a better business.
• E-Trade: Big upside if it avoids bankruptcy.

So what is it that won him the spot in the "genius" column? It's his final words to Altucher.

“Oh,” Ralph added as I was getting out of the car. “Please don’t mention my name or write about any of these picks.”

“No problem,” I said, “I won’t write about any of them.”

“One thing you can write about, though,” he told me, “is that I have a crush on Bess from Dealbreaker.com. Do you know her?”

Unfortunately for Ralph, Altucher has never been introduced to Bess. But we guarantee she'd look a lot better soaking wet in the convertible than a columnist for the Financial Times. Just make sure you've got a fifth of whiskey in the glove compartment, and ask if she'll bring her roommate along for the ride too.

A slow, wet convertible to the Street [Financial Times]

Comments

Posted by , Nov 20, 2007 2:21PM

Ahhh dealbroker.com all grown up. If I read that article on the FT page without linking in from here I would have killed myself laughing.

Bess, you've got big time fans! Ditch Carney and go find this hedgie.

Posted by , Nov 20, 2007 2:26PM

slow and wet. wow.

Posted by , Nov 20, 2007 2:35PM

oh.my.god.

Posted by , Nov 20, 2007 2:44PM

Anyone want to discuss the rumors of CFC filing tonight? CDS trading at 900/960.

Posted by AJ, Nov 20, 2007 2:46PM

Bess, how can I convince you to let me buy you dinner?

Posted by Yo! MG, Nov 20, 2007 2:47PM

Aside from his astute observations about Bess, why are we to assume that this clown is so brilliant? I'm not taking any stock picks from a bozo who doesn't know that you CAN put the top up in a convertible. Bess, if you go for this guy, are you prepared to always have your top down?

Posted by Hot for Bess, Nov 20, 2007 2:47PM

OMG. Is a convertible, a fifth, and a back seat all I need to get Bess? I'll be right over.

Posted by Moho, Nov 20, 2007 2:50PM

I'm betting that there is no Ralph and it's all a ruse to get Bess to pass her contact info to Altucher.

Posted by Jeez, Nov 20, 2007 2:54PM

Just. So. Much. Bullshit.

Posted by , Nov 20, 2007 2:56PM

slow and wet???

Posted by , Nov 20, 2007 3:00PM

AJ, have you made contact?

Posted by Anonymous, Nov 20, 2007 3:02PM

Business Week profiled Jim Altucher this week, http://www.businessweek.com/magazine/content/07_48/b4060073.htm

Posted by AJ, Nov 20, 2007 3:06PM

Anon 3pm: Trying to figure out how I can do it without being sketchy...

Pretty sure I just failed at that...

Posted by Bugs Meany, Nov 20, 2007 3:07PM

Rate cuts happened, Citigroup kept falling. What am I missing?

Posted by Fake Ralph, Nov 20, 2007 3:08PM

Well, they won't let me go outside anymore after I threw away my meds and stole the night janitor's car and took the Fake Altucher for a ride in the rain to talk about "my picks" and the hotties they let me read about on the supervised web access. I don't need much to live on much because I live here at Happy Farms Hospital and someone pays the bills ...I don't know who. So, here are my updated picks: Enron..looking good if it doesn't file for bankruptcy...Electric Fork Corp....looking good for automated personal eating tools....Boil-In-The-Bag Ice Cream Company...a hot pick....Inflatable Anchor Corporation.....could be rising to the top...and finally Recto-Data, Inc. for their new personal, real time/ all time core body temperature and health monitoring device for active executives. ( Wi-Fi connected to their Blackberries.)

Posted by Anon 3 pm, Nov 20, 2007 3:08PM

AJ- I'm thinking about e-mailing, you?

Posted by Anominous, Nov 20, 2007 3:14PM

why is everyone so sure Bess is a babe?

Posted by crazy answer, Nov 20, 2007 3:16PM

b/c some of us have met her.

Posted by , Nov 20, 2007 3:26PM

Love the post Carney!!!

Posted by North Jersey, Nov 20, 2007 3:27PM

Livingstein girls were always hot. They like tennis and Astroturf. They go to Estelle Finkel's SAT prep. I got my Bar Mitzvah suit at Sam's.

Does that do anything for you Bess?

Posted by , Nov 20, 2007 3:29PM

For all of you little pervs who can't google: http://equityprivate.typepad.com/ep/2007/05/much_ado_about_.html

Posted by Bess Levin, Nov 20, 2007 3:33PM

I actually didn't use EF, North Jersey, though I do love Sam's. I hated the new turf they got when I was a senior, it was too thick for field hockey.

Posted by Anominous, Nov 20, 2007 3:35PM

QED

Posted by Tom Joad, Grapes of Wrath Capital Mgmt., LLC, Nov 20, 2007 3:37PM

Bess will be around in the dark of financial reporting. Bess will be everywhere - everywhere you can look. Where ever there's a fight so hungry traders can exercise in peace, Bess will be there. Wherever there's a federal regulator beating up on a hedge fund, Bess will be there. Bess will be in the way fired CEOs yell when they're mad. Bess will be in the way trading analysts laugh when their algos are correct and they know a profit is coming. And when the financial community has dumbed itself down and reaps profits because of it, Bess will be there too.

Posted by Moron, Nov 20, 2007 3:43PM

hey anon 3:29. that's a pic of kate bosworth as lois lane standing in front of the daily planet.

Posted by HAM'05, Nov 20, 2007 3:47PM

im going to be furious if the keri russell-esque bess that i've been picturing doesn't live up to the harsh reality that is financial (pseudo-) news reporters

Posted by , Nov 20, 2007 4:04PM

bess must have the craziest ego of all time

Posted by Anominous, Nov 20, 2007 4:09PM

Moron 3:43--

retract QED. good catch.

guessing "Ralph" retired because he got access to his trust fund rather than from his HF acumen. not so bad on Radian but Citi + E-Trade? ecccch....

Posted by , Nov 20, 2007 4:11PM

bitter much, 4:09?

Posted by Optimus Subprime, Nov 20, 2007 4:13PM

I'd bet "Ralph" whatever he wanted that at least 1 of RAMR or RDN gets downgraded and is forced to file

Posted by , Nov 20, 2007 4:15PM

holy cow. Radian?? is this guy joking? Radian has $700 million risk in NIMs and another billion in second liens and only $2 billion capitalization at the mortgage company level

sorry to digress from the bess worship. she has hot tits.

Posted by ctvb, Nov 20, 2007 4:17PM

Is that stupid equity private pic the only picture that exists of beth on the web? I can barely tell if she's hot or not. Someone post a better link.

Posted by Johny Banker, Nov 20, 2007 4:18PM

So, um. I count myself in the group who doesn't know how Bess looks. What's with the throngs of admirers? Anyone has a pic of her? Just curios.

Posted by LL Cool J, Nov 20, 2007 4:19PM

I met Bess once. If it weren't for her peg leg, and that trick where she drops her glass eye in your drink, she'd be a cute 3 fifty

Posted by That Guy Drinks Beer, Nov 20, 2007 4:23PM

http://equityprivate.typepad.com/ep/2007/05/much_ado_about_.html

Posted by Metaphor Drinks, Nov 20, 2007 4:25PM

Bess is hotter than a four story cat house on coupon night!

Posted by , Nov 20, 2007 4:25PM

good one, LLCJ. i've met BL. fantastic rack dark eyes great lips.

Posted by bsd, Nov 20, 2007 4:29PM

Bess if you have dinner (ie sleep) with me I'll give you the exclusive on who the next CEO of Citi will be (Rubin just texted me).

Posted by Hidy, Nov 20, 2007 4:41PM

Welcome back bsd !!

Posted by , Nov 20, 2007 4:42PM

i dont think thats the real BSD.

Posted by Mike Cervantes, Nov 20, 2007 4:43PM

Are we sure that the Myrna Moss foray wasn't really BL? I saw the video, not good.

Posted by , Nov 20, 2007 4:45PM

nope, that was definitely the dearly departed myrna.

Posted by James Altucher, Nov 20, 2007 5:13PM

some notes:
- "ralph" is real. For one thing, I'm not allowed to drive without going to jail immediately so someone other than me had to be driving the convertible.
- I look GREAT soaking wet.
- Ralph worked for a $4bb hedge fund and had a good year or two.
- On the last round of picks Ralph gave me (see an article from 1.5 years ago at thestreet) they all did phenomenally well, particularly RYI at $14.

Posted by , Nov 20, 2007 5:13PM

BL rubbed my thigh under the table but after dinner it turns out she was just teasing

Posted by Anonymous, Nov 20, 2007 5:36PM

James, I remember that article now. Ralph recommended Movie Gallery, which I believe got delisted!

Posted by Anonymous, Nov 20, 2007 7:06PM

Ralph said “Please don’t mention my name or write about any of these picks.”

Yet Altucher wrote about the picks anyway. that is unethical.

Posted by RIAA, Nov 20, 2007 9:45PM

Bess Levin steals music!

Posted by IvyLeagueGrad, Nov 20, 2007 11:10PM

Pathetic! All these comments about a fat chick who can't write? What abou me? I work out 4 hours a day. I take good care of myself. I'm MENSA. I'm in 20 major motion pictures.

Posted by would give me left 1 for a night with bess, Nov 20, 2007 11:28PM

good one, john fitz page!

Posted by Josh, Nov 21, 2007 12:19AM

Hey James, I'm long RAMR and ETFC now, and MOVI was one of my all time best common stock picks (but back in 2001, not 2006). Ask Ralph to look at SDTH if he isn't completely avoiding China now.

Posted by Euro Hedgie, Nov 21, 2007 7:17AM

...seems there are going to be a few left nuts floating down the Hudson , donated by people who wish to have a "lear jet" trip with BL.

I wonder if now is a good time to go long prostetic testacle manufacturers.

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