UBS = Worst Secret Santas Ever

Posted by Bess Levin, Nov 08, 2007, 5:28pm

So that thing about UBS increasing the stock portion of its bonuses this year, because it has no money? Apparently, not a joke. We're told this year's treats will be 50/50 cash/stock, which has got to hurt. Of course, it's better than no bonus at all, but you know those Nazi sympathizers-- always asking for more.

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Posted in: UBS

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Posted by missing nightly write-offs, Nov 08, 2007 7:01PM

no write-offs tonight?

Posted by , Nov 08, 2007 7:04PM

What's wrong with stock? If most of these d bags would't be overextended on each paycheck they would realize that this is actually not a bad deal (long term...I think...)

Posted by , Nov 08, 2007 7:10PM

Great, just what I need - more UBS stock. Like I'm not levered enough to this company.

Posted by , Nov 08, 2007 7:56PM

Could be worse - Merrill is paying bonuses in downgraded securities backed by subprime mortgages.

Posted by , Nov 08, 2007 8:43PM

Anonymous 7:56, Stan O'Neil's bonus /severance should definitely be paid in terms of subprime CDO equity tranches marked to book value.

Posted by , Nov 08, 2007 9:05PM

I think UBS just turned my mortgage into subprime.

Posted by L'Emmerdeur, Nov 08, 2007 11:25PM

You know that stock is gapping down the day after bonuses are released. "Sell, Mortimer, sell!!!!"

Posted by Nominate me, Nov 09, 2007 10:17AM

"Mortimer, your brother is not well. We better call an ambulance."

"Fuck him!! You listen to me, I want trading opened right now. Get those brokers back in here! Thurn those machines back on!"

Posted by anonymous, Nov 11, 2007 9:49AM

Comedian Lewis Black has a great line. Essentially, if you can't explain your business in a sentence or two- it's illegal!! WSJ takes pages to describe SID, CDO's and related accounting.

As for bankers?Beyond 2007 compensation, there is a broader, deeper issue for bankers getting paid in any value that "vests". Almost all banks take the position that in a restructuring (for cause or not) such options do not - on their terms - transfer. NASD agrees with this! (Interesting how poor performing CEO's invariably retain benefits.)

Union anyone??

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