The Ladies Love Fake Goldman Trader

Posted by John Carney, Dec 20, 2007, 9:08am

Remember the Craigslist guy from Monday? The one who made exactly $772,000 and was spending Christmas alone. The guy who sounded a bit too American Psycho-ish with his detailed description of his furniture and appliances? Mentioning "custom made oak dresser" and his "viking stove." This one?

Well, guess what? You were right. It's a fake. But it was so brilliantly faked that the author got dozens of responses from women interested in spending the holidays beneath his fifteen foot tall Christmas tree and other outsized objects he mentioned. The author, who writes at a blog called Cajun Boy In the City, has experimented with fake Craigslist in the past but seldom gets responses from women. Until now. Apparently, even bitter, self-centered materialistic guys can get teh attention with women as long as they're hitting the right numbers and work for Goldman Sachs.

So now we're going to send Bess out on a date with the Cajun Boy, as long as he agrees to spend the evening in character.

my holiday gift to you: "fancy being lavished during the holidays?" [Cajun Boy In The City]

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Posted in: Goldman Sachs

Comments

Posted by , Dec 20, 2007 9:28AM

i were write!

Posted by Wall Street Journal Editor, Dec 20, 2007 9:28AM

"You were write." ?

Posted by John Carney, Dec 20, 2007 9:34AM

I'm heavily medicated this morning. Apologies.

Posted by NotNasser, Dec 20, 2007 9:35AM

Hey, WSJ Editor 9:28. You are, of course, "right" to red-pencil this point. But I gotta wonder ... does Murdoch still even use editors?

Or maybe you've now got so much time on your hands that you can spend it at DB. Okay, I get it.

Posted by JMAN, Dec 20, 2007 9:36AM

Gotta love chicks, they'll believe anything. I wanna see a pic of Bess, seems everyone on these posts is a big fan. Im a Lindsay Campbell fan myself, she should have gotten a golden globe nom for that pill ad she did. I was riveted

Posted by girl, Dec 20, 2007 9:37AM

Carney I'm jealous. pls share the love.

Also, I think I called this in my response to the initial post.

Posted by , Dec 20, 2007 9:45AM

I'm a myrna fan. What a cutie?

Too bad she lost the bess levin-myrna moss catfight and never allowed to post here again

Posted by L. Craig, Dec 20, 2007 9:53AM

Money-chasing whores. That's why I like dick, but not in a gay way because I am not, nor have I ever been gay.

If you want to talk in person, J. McGreevy, M. Foley and myself are meeting on the 14th floor of BSC. We'll meet in the men's room to guarantee our club's "no girls allowed" stance.

Posted by Dreaming of the Big Bonus, Dec 20, 2007 9:53AM

Corriente Advisors of Ft. Worth have a trader who just moved out of a recently built $700,000 home and into a $6.5 million home. Someone who would know says Corriente made shitloads of cash shorting subprime.

Posted by , Dec 20, 2007 10:00AM

L. Craig -- you and your wide stance...

Posted by lilnympho, Dec 20, 2007 10:01AM

i'd bang the guy in the post on craigslist and i'd bang the guy who was funny enough to write it

Posted by Mokshunamos, Dec 20, 2007 10:01AM

"So now we're going to send Bess out on a date with the Cajun Boy, as long as he agrees to spend the evening in character."

Does that mean Bess can look forward to an evening of torture, dismemberment, necrophilia, and cannibalism?

Posted by mrpink, Dec 20, 2007 10:09AM

L. Craig, I hope a certain part of your anatomy is as big as a baby's arm. I just brought some Crisco from the 2nd fl cafeteria up to the 14th floor mens room... I'll be waiting in stall 3.

Posted by , Dec 20, 2007 10:13AM

what happened to the news of Bear Stearns reporting thier 1st ever quarterly loss in 84 years? Come on, put something funny on that

Posted by Nominate me, Dec 20, 2007 10:15AM

Love the Cajuns.

You don't have what they call "the social skills." That's why you never have any friends, 'cept fo' yo' mama.

Quote is somehow applicable.

Posted by Mr. Brown, Dec 20, 2007 10:17AM

I like EHarmony because its scientifically proven to find your true mate. I hope it kicks in soon because I'm soooooooooo lonely.

Posted by Mr. Brown, Dec 20, 2007 10:22AM

I like EHarmony because its scientifically proven to find your true mate. I hope it kicks in soon because I'm soooooooooo lonely.

Posted by , Dec 20, 2007 10:28AM

BSAM..8th floor...237 Park Ave office is where it's at..NW corner

Posted by pierre, Dec 20, 2007 10:34AM

@Mr Brown: the only way to find your true mate is to meet L Craig and the queens in the 14th floor BSC men's room. mr pink has the crisco

Posted by mrpink, Dec 20, 2007 10:37AM

I would have gotten something more upscale (i.e. Gun Oil, KY or WET) but since my bonus got cut, I have to cut back on such fancy items and improvise. Sorry LC :(

Posted by Mr. Brown, Dec 20, 2007 10:37AM

Are you sure? EHarmony is SCIENTIFICALLY proven....it's like a quant market neutral strategy - it just can't not work!


Please explain the use of Crisco. In intricate detail

Posted by , Dec 20, 2007 10:40AM

Pierre Nice try, but gay guys in NY are hot. Good jobs, well put together, hard bodies from time spent at the gym. If you like em big and sweaty you can join the gay wrestling team or hockey league. For L Craig you'll need to go find a bathroom in MSP.

Posted by pierre, Dec 20, 2007 10:50AM

i'll let mrpink expound on the use of crisco, since my experience is with females-only

Posted by Executive Suite of BSC, Dec 20, 2007 10:56AM

Crisco is for baking brownies.

Is there gay sex going on in the men's room here?

Posted by , Dec 20, 2007 10:59AM

Pierre If you don't know Crisco, or one of the more polite alternatives, then they must be really juicy females.

Posted by mrpink, Dec 20, 2007 11:19AM

Well, as I demonstrated in the BSC gym on the 3rd floor, the art of crisco is very interesting.

1) Strip the fuckee gently, and apply a small (it's fair to use ~ 3 fingers worth) amount of crisco on his back, while massaging him gently. This application of crisco decreases the amount of friction and creates 'the mood'

2) As you continue to strip the fuckee, continue to rub small amounts of crisco over various portions of the body. You should also mention these things while whispering sweet nothings in the fuckee's ear:
a) Your 2007 bonus
b) How much you like his body
c) Your first time you saw that hot piece of man-ass walk across the trading floor wearing something that was so tight that water didn't even stick to it

3) Now it's time to do the L.Craig. Spread the legs, and lube the fuckee up (you know where). Make sure that Jimmy Cayne isn't coming into the gym (Elapsed Time from step one should be approx. 4m 21sec). If you smell pot, quickly dash into one of the shower stalls, carefully pulling the curtain and throwing a towel underneath the gap. MAKE SURE YOU GRAB YOUR CAN OF CRISCO, Jimmy Cayne has a penchant for using it on subordinates! (and a terrible waste considering your bonus is cut)

---If you can't last more than 2 mins during the L.Craig, skip to step 7

4)... Hmm Hmm.. Grunt Grunt (Elapsed time 22m, 54 seconds)

5) Apply more crisco, your fuckee may be getting a bit dry. Ask him to scream out your MD's name.

6) Keep going! You're almost done! The crisco is some good shit!

7) Ahhh.... All done with the L.Craig. Kissing and cuddletalk is optional.

8) Take a shower. Don't want to walk back onto the floor smelling like a piece of pre-fried chicken waiting to be plucked!

9) If you see Cayne in the hallway, you'll need your post-L.Craig smoke. Light up a joint in the hallway and savor the fact that you've joined an elite club of Wall Street professionals who have achieved Craigdom.

Posted by slimjim, Dec 20, 2007 11:21AM

The amount of fags on this site just keeps increasing. Most of you people should riding dick not on this site. Have a nice day twinks.

Posted by mrpink, Dec 20, 2007 11:22AM

Speaking of which, I need my post LC cigarette!

Posted by mrpink, Dec 20, 2007 11:25AM

Ladies and Gentlemen of DB:

Slimjim was caught in the 4th floor BSC bathroom squealing like a pig with our friend L.Craig at approximately 4:11PM yesterday.

According to LC:
1) You are a twink
2) You suck in bed
3) A certain part of your anatomy is smaller than a pinky

G'Day Mate!

Posted by Mr Brown, Dec 20, 2007 11:27AM

gay means happy? I enjoy slimjims contribution to the blog, he really keeps things balanced. Which is important to me.

Posted by slimjim, Dec 20, 2007 11:30AM

Well mister pink are you nervous about the operation? You will be a woman soon so just hang in there you pre op hebitch. Vote Hillary scumbag.

Posted by tony f, Dec 20, 2007 11:31AM

agreed, cuz the queers think they should have carte blanche to spread their deviancy

Posted by mrpink, Dec 20, 2007 11:52AM

Slimjim:

I'll be voting Ron Paul, thank you very much.

HAAHAHAHAHAH

Hebitch? Operation? Nah. But, I think you're speaking from experience, maybe you can share with us how much money those implants cost.

Posted by slimjim, Dec 20, 2007 12:03PM

Well Pink i would like thank you for one thing. Your kind of people are the reason that i got a holiday bonus and not a christmas bonus, thanks for that. Ron Paul used to pay little kids for their dirty underwear. Have fun voting for that freak. I bet your car has a rainbow sticker on it. Well today i spit on a car with that type of sticker, so look out.

Posted by skillionaire, Dec 20, 2007 12:29PM

I can't get past my nagging suspicion that slimjim is five foot, 300 pounds and bald, and jerks off with a thumb up his ass.

You actually used to contribute some fairly humorous (and dare I say, relevant) comments before you became such a hate-mongering twat. Why not remember how you felt before you got rejected by girl #16,745 and try to get back into that mentality?

Anyway, good luck on coming to grips with the fact that you love cock.

Seriously.

Posted by mrpink, Dec 20, 2007 12:47PM

Right on skillionaire!

Posted by slimjim, Dec 20, 2007 12:51PM

What time are pink and skill going to dock?

Posted by mrpink, Dec 20, 2007 12:55PM

Well, the party wouldn't be complete without you, slimjim.

But, in the good spirit of the holidays, why don't we call a truce.

Posted by , Dec 20, 2007 12:57PM

slim: I'm sure all the straigts out there think that docking is the same as f***ing. Gay guys like me and you (yes you, otherwise how would you know about such a pleasurable practice) know differently. You should explain it to them. Save them a trip to urban dictionary.

Posted by , Dec 20, 2007 1:05PM

Slim: ANON at 12:57 back: SH '07 for example spoke yesterday about "docking his girlfriend". No way he did, not unless she has a foreskin... You really need to clear this up so the boys here don't mislead people about their orientation when bragging about what they do in their spare time.

Posted by slimjim, Dec 20, 2007 1:09PM

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=docking

Posted by skillionaire, Dec 20, 2007 1:15PM

Wow, I just looked up "docking" on urbandictionary.com and that is an interesting practice to say the least.

Posted by Seton Hall '07, Dec 20, 2007 1:19PM

@1:05 that's a bald-faced lie...i never referred to myself "docking" with anyone. i did refer to giving her anal, however. maybe you were thinking of slimjim

Posted by , Dec 20, 2007 1:20PM

I'm so not better off for knowing that.

Posted by , Dec 20, 2007 1:27PM

anon 1:05, not slim: I may be wrong pirate boy, but I believe your comment was something about docking your GF in the tailpipe. It was very clear you had no idea what docking meant. Apologies if I'm mixing you up with someone else.

Posted by Mr Brown, Dec 20, 2007 1:30PM

Does E-Harmony have an 'alternative lifestyle' section? i sure hope it does, so ugly gays can enjoy the same matchmaking bliss as ugly straights have since 1999.

Posted by HAM'05, Dec 20, 2007 1:43PM

i introduced docking to this site back in november after hearing the guy from luckie louie rant about it during his hbo special. am i ever sorry.

hatehatehatehatehate

Posted by , Dec 20, 2007 1:46PM

thanks for clearing that up HAM. Let me know if you're ever up for giving it a try.

Posted by I'm a dude, Dec 20, 2007 1:49PM

thats really disgusting. you guys take your docking stories elsewhere. most guys come her for for Bess

Posted by Mr. Yellow, Dec 20, 2007 1:54PM

"Docking" not to be confused with "Space Docking" an entirely different concept. It blows my mind.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=space+docking

Posted by skillionaire, Dec 20, 2007 1:59PM

Damn Mr. Yellow, you stole my thunder with a vengeance on that.......

Posted by , Dec 20, 2007 2:04PM

Dude. Gay people have too much propreitery terminology. Docking ??? (!!!!!) Doesnt sound like fun either!

Posted by I'm a dude, Dec 20, 2007 2:10PM

i already lost my lunch over the regular docking. i had nothing left to chuck up after reading about space docking.
any girls want to comment on this?

Posted by Seton Hall '07, Dec 20, 2007 2:12PM

Space docking sounds right up slimjim's alley

Posted by Bernasty, Dec 20, 2007 2:13PM

You thought that was rough? Try shrimp fried rice...

Posted by , Dec 20, 2007 2:19PM

@2:10 You're wrong about regular docking dude. Its hot foreplay. Could be the supply demand equation. In the US most guys are cut, so the opportunities are really limited.

Posted by slimjim, Dec 20, 2007 2:56PM

Space docking is sick, but on time me and my borther did the good old window shopping with this girl, when i waved she went bat shit. I should have space doked her.

Posted by Mr Brown, Dec 20, 2007 3:17PM

What is window shopping, is that like when you sh*t in her mouth??

Posted by slimjim, Dec 20, 2007 3:22PM

when u are hitting it from behind in front of a huge window then u switch with a friend without the girl knowing and run outside and wave at her.

Posted by pierre, Dec 20, 2007 3:26PM

@slimjim: you and your bro have some solid family values. my only sexual story with my brother involves me catching my brother whacking off to Bring Um Young and saying "Can I get a little privacy."

Posted by student, Dec 20, 2007 6:13PM

serious question: I'm biz student,do traders really make (legal) big bucks?

Posted by skillionaire, Dec 21, 2007 10:35AM

Student, are you an IU undergrad?

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