Radar has the details of the first suit brought against massage enthusiast Jeffrey Epstein in court (in November Epstein decided to take his chances and forgo a plea bargain. Ballsy. I like it.) The plaintiff, “Jane Doe,” is seeking $50 million from the Palm Beach billionaire. Unfortunately, it’s for pretty standard-issue Epstein stuff, and at no time mentions a transsexual named Maximilian. I’ve anticipated how disappointed DealBreaker readers will be to hear this news, and have enclosed a little treat which you’ll get shortly. First, the complaint from JD: the girl was underage, lured to Epstein’s house by personal assistant Sarah Kellan under the pretense of “giv[ing] a wealthy man a massage for monetary compensation” while wearing only a towel, forced to stand there awkwardly while Epstein masturbated into a towel, and sometimes be touched with a purple vibrator. On several occasions she was asked to bring friends. Now, the treat:

Oh yes, from the desk of Maximilian Cordero’s lawyer/boyfriend, it’s VINTAGE WILLIAM UNROCH BLOG POSTS!

Beware of 13 year old boyscout midgets
December 11, 2007, 05:37:19 PM
Was reading how this teacher Kelsey Peterson who was arrested in Mexico claims she was being dominated by her 13 year old lover and forced by him to runaway and have sex. Hmmm.. it seems to me very likely this “child” was really a 34 year old midget. It is outrageous whis lovely school teacher is in jail. It is common knowledge that Devil Midgets often pretend to be 13 year old school boys or girls and attack other adults. Many upper westside residents have reported to me molestation by midgets in the past year. This is not to say all midgets are bad but some are. It is a difficult situation and people should be understanding.
Vicious older housewives need kindness
January 04, 2008, 04:11:34 PM
A frustrated older women who marries a much younger man can be a tragic character. Instead of trying to be themselves they become vicious and full of meanness because of doubts that their youth is gone. This leads to wrinkles and misery and a foolish attempt to “keep up” with locker room humor.
We can all learn from these tragic women. The spirit world is a happy place. As one gets older viciousness is never the answer to loneliness. We should try to love not only our own family but our neighbors as well. The New Balance of life revolves around kindness. Follow the Blog and comfort will come to you
Wonton Egg Drop soup is better
January 04, 2008, 04:17:12 PM
Wonton Egg drop soup is so much better than straight wonton or straight egg drop soup. The egg drop seems to make the wontons harden a bit and taste better. This fact of nature proves that the mixing of the races can be a very good thing indeed. Learn from our food.

Earlier: Jeffrey Epstein Is A Proponent Of The “You Scratch My Back, I’ll Scratch Yours” Business Model
William Unroch’s Blog [Attorney's NYC]
Jane Doe’s $50 Million Civil Suit Against Jeffrey Epstein [Radar]