Citi's '08 Resolution: Shitcan Lots of Staff (Kind of Like '07)

Posted by Bess Levin, Jan 02, 2008, 11:04am

CNBC reports that Citigroup will begin its layoffs next week, ultimately cutting 5 to 10 percent of its 320,000 employees (and then 5 to 10 percent of what remains, and then another 5 to 10 percent after that). This is sort of sad because when you look at that jolly, elfin face of Vikram Pandit's, you don't think "bad cop," you think "Christmas in Bombay" ("over-hyped, highly-mediocre hedge fund," etc.). In other news, it says here that I could take 17 five year olds in a fight, though I think my score was so high because I said that if it came to it, I wouldn't have a problem biting or eye-gouging, which is really only half true. I have issues with sticking things in my eyes- took like a week to master contacts, and drops, etc. flat out don't happen-, so I’m guessing I probably wouldn't be up to the task of sticking things in other people's. Biting, yes, no problem. I would bite the shit out of those 5 year olds. I’ve already bit three five year olds this morning. I'll elaborate more on that later.

Earlier: Layoffs Watch '08: Citigroup

Citigroup Layoffs Could Start Next Week [CNBC]

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Posted in: Citigroup, i don't want to pull a muscle

Comments

Posted by nice, Jan 02, 2008 11:11AM

"christmas in bombay"

Posted by , Jan 02, 2008 11:14AM

i got 37 five year olds

Posted by Nominate me, Jan 02, 2008 11:16AM

25 five year olds.

My lack of actual fighting experience and athleticism hurt me. However, I was saved by a non-existant (or at least broken) moral compass and freakishly long arms.

Posted by , Jan 02, 2008 11:16AM

no way did you legit get 37 five year olds. that would mean that you have experience with swarms and have a high level of martial arts experience. what person who has that history reads DB? i hate you for lying to us.

Posted by big r, Jan 02, 2008 11:18AM

only 16 five year olds. my moral compass held me back. if it was midgets of legal age, then thats a completely different story.

Posted by AJ, Jan 02, 2008 11:59AM

Blocked by Websense: "Violence"

Man, I hate my job

Posted by jagorev, Jan 02, 2008 11:59AM

Average height, body and very little fighting experience here, but I got 18 because of my total lack of morality.

Posted by , Jan 02, 2008 12:20PM

I got 25. experience with swarms definitely helped here

Posted by , Jan 02, 2008 12:45PM

37 five yr old? Aleksey Vayner is that you?

Posted by investorcluzo, Jan 02, 2008 12:53PM

21 kids, must have been my reluctance to throw a kid if I wasn't attacked first (moral compass got in the way)...good to see aleksey is still reading DB despite the beating he took at the hands of bess (thus, bess = 38 five yr olds)

Posted by Anonymous, Jan 02, 2008 12:54PM

I ate 14 five year olds girl scout cookies.

Posted by TheUnrepentantGunner, Jan 02, 2008 12:59PM

AJ welcome to my world.

Posted by mrpink, Jan 02, 2008 1:15PM

Legit:

"You could take on 31 five year old kids in a fight."

Bring. It. On.

Posted by mrpink, Jan 02, 2008 1:16PM

That was with no martial arts experience either. I just fight dirty.

Posted by Anal_yst, Jan 02, 2008 1:21PM

Gunner, how'd the engagement go buddy?

Posted by anon, Jan 02, 2008 1:24PM

20 here, but how come nobody is discussing the Citi news? I *think* that was the subject of the post.

Posted by TheUnrepentantGunner, Jan 02, 2008 1:33PM

Anal_yst

8:00 on the middle of the mountain. It was only an 8 out of 10 on the cheesey factor (good burns by everyone on monday I might add, far better than the people on my desk.)

As to how its went: its going. It's one of Murphy's laws in full force.

You know, the law about committees spending inversely proportional amounts of time on items based on their importance. None of you warned me that I would be subject to a 20 minute conversation from the inlaws about choosing the right color themes.

But you know, I secretly fear that the color is a relatively trivial discussion compared to how long we will spend on much more important things, such as the food and location.

Posted by A-Non, Jan 02, 2008 1:41PM

Blocked by web filter....f'ing big brother

Posted by mrpink, Jan 02, 2008 1:43PM

1:24:
There's a 5 year old tossing contest going on outside Todd Thomson's old office (aka Todd Mahal)

Posted by Santa Whoopass, Jan 02, 2008 1:54PM

34 five year olds. Or 4 Vikram Pandits. I'd prefer the Pandits, personally.

Posted by just askin, Jan 02, 2008 3:12PM

How do you, mrpink, know where todd thomson's old office is?

Posted by watchmen, Jan 02, 2008 3:17PM

Don't wanna contradict too many Gasparino quotes or predicions. He is not drunk but, very mentally aware. Believe it.

Posted by Anal_yst, Jan 02, 2008 4:48PM

@ Gunner - glad it went/is going...from what I'm told (thank god not from direct experience) square whatever time/energy expectations you have for making those various decisions, and thats the base case...

Oh, 30 5-year-olds, apparently all those years of karate, lacrosse and lifting (12-oz curls, come on) paid off?

Posted by Walter Sobchek, Jan 02, 2008 5:11PM

8 year olds Dude.

Posted by , Jan 02, 2008 6:24PM

33 five year olds, with no martial arts experience

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