I didn’t intend for today’s posts to be a service guide on how to keep it classy sans cash but that’s how it’s turning out and why fight it? 20,000 ex-Citi employees and everyone who currently works at Bear Stearns need our help. So you say you want to live in a lavish apartment on Central Park West, replete with high ceilings, gigantic closets and Spanish marble bathrooms, but can’t swing the $875,000 to $2.24 million asking price? Not a problem. Two words: French maid (alternatively: janitorial staff). Twenty-one studios and three one-bedroom units in the much-hyped 15 Central Park West are reserved for the hired help of the building’s residents trying to overcompensate the most (they’re only available to those buying condos of at least 4,000 square feet). The question is, whose toilet would you most like to scrub in exchange for free (and swanky!) accommodations. The options include Lloyd Blankfein, Dan Loeb, Dan Och, Sandy Weill and some GS trader named Ashok Varadhan who probably didn’t meet the minimum square footage necessary for live-ins (also too cheap for an on-site housekeeper: Bob Costas). Considering that fifty percent of my salary goes toward rent anyway, and the job couldn’t possibly (or legally) pay less than half of what I make, I’m thinking about applying for one of the slots. Shot gun on Blankfein, as something about him screams “neat freak” by nature, and I don’t want to be cleaning up after a slob.

Blankfein, Sting Are Maid's New York Neighbors for $1 Million [Bloomberg]