How To Think About Those 75 Basis Points

Posted by Bess Levin, Jan 22, 2008, 11:45am

Earlier this morning, I received the following instant message-"RonBlarneyIsGod (08:58:46 AM): whoa, for a second there it was almost like 1929 again!" Because this person is prone to hyperbole and lies, I ignored it. Then Opening Bell Joe emailed me about some "worse than usual" fight Cramer had with Rick Santelli. Cramer making a spectacle of himself for ratings-didn't sound like a big d to me, but OBJ usually knows what he's talking about, so I made a little "hmm" noise before going back to sleep. When my very enchanting and aesthetically-pleasing roommate got cancelled on by four of tonight's five dates, all citing "margin calls," I finally opened myself to the notion that maybe something was up (lucky number five is on the Bear mortgage desk and as of 10:00 am, had no idea anything was going on. He does now but doesn't much care and just wants to know if "6 at the Olive Garden is still good?").

I tried to console her with a little history lesson, and the writer even offered to read the post out loud over the phone, because “its sheer brilliance might not transfer to the page” but it was useless. Then, a lightbulb. What’s the one thing that always makes everyone feel better about themselves, even when they really have no conceivable reason whatsoever to get out of bed in the morning? When they should just pack it in and give up entirely? When they’re staring down the barrel of a gun and even Mrs. Blarney’s going, “You know I like to look on the bright side of things but you should probably just pull the thing and be done with it”?

Obviously the answer is ex-hedge fund manager Seth Tobias and his stripper boyfriend Tiger who can’t remember if they’d ever had sex because he’s slept with “too many” hedge fund managers to keep track, gay pimp/personal assistant Billy Ash, widow Filomena, and celebrity fitness trainer Doug Caporrino. Below I invite you to help yourselves to a conversation between Ftobias8 (Filomena) and Sneffer (Seth), which have been entered into evidence by lawyers attempting to prevent Fil. from helping herself to the deceased’s $25 million estate. It helped ROB (Roommate of Bess) get through this difficult time, and I think it might help you, too. ROB’s favorite part is “Ftobias8: I hope you rot in hell you sick fuck. Ftobias8: After this last hurrah…enjoy you [sic] pathetic life…..in your rat hole house with your drugs and alcohol…I hope you get aids with all the whores your [sic] fuk [sic] too. Ftobias8 signed off at 4:48:27 PM. Ftobias8 signed on at 6:48:26 PM. Ftobias8 is idle at 7:08:55 PM.” What’s yours?

IM Convo [PDF]

0Recommend this! 48Comments
Posted in: Hedge Funds, The How to Think About Series

Comments

Posted by Guy in Chicao, Jan 22, 2008 11:54AM

"aesthetically-pleasing", uh, pictures please - we'll be the judge.

(assuming roommate is female)

Posted by , Jan 22, 2008 11:58AM

holy crap dude!

my favorite after all that was "I HATE YOU" "no you do not"

god that was priceless, i laughed out loud. seth t is one cool operator.

Posted by , Jan 22, 2008 11:59AM

i have the same favorite passage as ROB

Posted by The Forehead Slapper, Jan 22, 2008 12:01PM

"..because he's slept with too many hedge fund managers to keep track..."?

Posted by Guy in Chicago, Jan 22, 2008 12:02PM

I think I am sensing....she is upset.

Posted by Ethan, Jan 22, 2008 12:10PM

oh god that was priceless. Such poetry! One of those small poetry publishers should put out a chapbook:

All
You had to do
Was love
Me

Be honest and stop you kept telling me i was sick iwas nuts ......... yes you made me

NUTS

But you are sick your
a sick manipulating lier you are

Posted by AJ, Jan 22, 2008 12:13PM

Is that real? What a nutso

Posted by Ha, Jan 22, 2008 12:16PM

if Lifetime manages to outbid Fox to the rights for the made-for-TV-movie of this I am going to be livid.

Posted by Erin Burnett's Booty Call, Jan 22, 2008 12:21PM

I love how calm he is while she goes ballistic.
Which one of them is supposed to be on coke?

Posted by anon, Jan 22, 2008 12:22PM

any link to this cramer santelli convo/shoutfest?

Posted by , Jan 22, 2008 12:35PM

Play by Play:
Cramer got all into Ip's grill for being a lackey for the Fed & not recognizing the emergency at hand.

Rick couldn't take it anymore and interupted a few seconds later and called Cramer out for the shill that he is -
Santelli: "Six months ago you were a raging bull".

Cramer tried to defend, asked Santelli "Do you even watch my show?"

Santelli: "no"

Posted by big r, Jan 22, 2008 12:43PM

BL- you know im still waiting for my chance w KLW

Posted by Horatio Caine, Jan 22, 2008 12:46PM


(Fade to David Caruso of CSI Miami saying, "Looks like he made a killing....", turns away. Cue dramatic scene ending music....)

Posted by Nominate me, Jan 22, 2008 12:54PM

I really liked how the IM warning popped up stating that this message is recorded and will be archived. Then she continues with her (not very) veiled threats.

He stayed calm because the mania is almost laughable...I mean, who uses a hundred exclamation points and expects to be taken seriously?

Lastly, how do I know she is psycho? She continues to argue and screech. Bitch, take your alimony and run if he is that bad, cut your losses. That's what my wife said she would do.

Posted by justsomedude, Jan 22, 2008 1:11PM

@Big R

you are not missing all that much with KLW. yeah she has the looks but she is as tight as a warm bowl of milk.

Posted by justsomedude, Jan 22, 2008 1:11PM

@Big R

you are not missing all that much with KLW. yeah she has the looks but she is as tight as a warm bowl of milk.

Posted by , Jan 22, 2008 1:16PM

Who is KLW?

When you say tight as a warm bowl of milk, are you refering to her generally? or her honey hole?

Posted by , Jan 22, 2008 1:31PM

since when is being tight a bad thing?

Posted by , Jan 22, 2008 1:32PM

KLW is the other girl around here, besides the subtly named "girl"

Posted by , Jan 22, 2008 1:35PM

@1:31 think about it, is a bowl of milk tight?

wow i cant believe i just explained that

Posted by Anal_yst, Jan 22, 2008 1:36PM

KLW is bess' roomate. Backoff though, I already called shotgun (no blitz) on that.

Posted by Anonymeemous, Jan 22, 2008 1:36PM

not funny..

Posted by Lowly Assistant, Jan 22, 2008 1:37PM

If only I had a lover so passionate...

Posted by , Jan 22, 2008 1:37PM

So does Elizabeth Spiers NOT work here anymore? Is that how that works?

Posted by Anonymeemous, Jan 22, 2008 1:40PM

didn't you know some one told me to take a hike before I met up with you and you didn't say nothin'

Posted by big r, Jan 22, 2008 2:23PM

yea i really have no idea what "as tight as a warm bowl of milk" means but it sounds stupid and i'll take my chances thanks

Posted by justsomeguy, Jan 22, 2008 2:36PM

@ big r

ok numbnuts, i will spell it out for you. go home, warm up bowl a milk, stick your wee wee in it. that is what it is like to be in KLW.

Posted by , Jan 22, 2008 2:41PM

you will find out just how tight a bowl of warm milk is when you try to stick your little r in it

Posted by girl, Jan 22, 2008 2:59PM

@ justsomeguy: or maybe you felt like a baby's arm (of the fetal variety).

one or the other.

Posted by Anominous, Jan 22, 2008 3:03PM

delete this garbage....

Posted by big r, Jan 22, 2008 3:03PM

nice jab 2:41

Posted by , Jan 22, 2008 3:06PM

you will never get any censorship on a site run by libertarians like john carney and self-proclaimed lazy people like bess.

up the republic!

Posted by hermann, Jan 22, 2008 3:27PM

unless the censorship is of slimjim, then it's like the Gestapo around here

Posted by Master of None, Jan 22, 2008 3:45PM

No, the Olive Garden is not 'still good.' It was never good. I was going to tell you last week that I will never go out with you, but I only now just stopped laughing at the thought that you were, like, serious. I mean, you're only 5'4" and you wear rubber-soled shoes to work.

No. Just, no.

Posted by , Jan 22, 2008 3:55PM

is rubber soled shoes bad?

all my bruno magli loafers have rubber soles.

Posted by , Jan 22, 2008 4:08PM

Rubber soled magli loafers can be nice, but you still shouldn't wear them to the office. And if blood stained, should probably have gotten rid of them a long time ago. But I'll bet you already know that.

Posted by Ha, Jan 22, 2008 4:18PM

4:08 I have to respectfully disagree. Maglis and Ferragamos are like feet pillows. We already have to deal with hours upon hours of soul-crushing s**t amidst our 7-9s (give or take). Why not at least tread in comfort & style? I say if 3:55 can't rock his Magli's with pride then the terr'rists have already won...

Posted by Nominate me, Jan 22, 2008 4:30PM

Picked up my first pair of Bruno's this weekend after wrestling with the rubber sole issue. Of the dress shoe variety, they do kick ass.

Posted by , Jan 22, 2008 4:30PM

@4:18 I think, but now I'm not sure, that 3:55 was making a joke, like pretending he was OJ. 1) "is rubber soled shoes bad?" has an ebonics ring to it 2) rubber soled bruno magli loafers are forever associated with the Juice. Hence my 4:08 attempt at further humor. Or maybe all of us are just tired today.

Posted by , Jan 22, 2008 4:37PM

it was not a joke but i do share a certain affinity with the juice for my footwear, his denials notwithstanding

so the verdict is : bruno and ferragamo good, all others bad then?

anyway my office is business casual and i'm pretty sure my boss is wearing timberland boots right now

Posted by Ha, Jan 22, 2008 4:43PM

my interpretation was you (4:08, 4:30) were taking a stab at OJ (pun intended, hence my own jocular post because I entirely support all stabs at OJ, even those condoned by Hammurabi's Code).

Wasn't really sure what 3:55 had going on. Didn't delve too deep into the hermeneutics. Too tired.

Posted by MILF?, Jan 22, 2008 10:51PM

On IM, you can still look up sneffer. He doesn't have a profile, but it shows he has been online for 33 days, 17 hrs, and 48 minutes.

Also, if you send him an IM, it will be forwarded to his mobile device. Also, looks like you can IM Filomena too!! Someone try it and see what happens. I'm kinda scared to...

Is Filomena hot? I can deal with crazy... can't deal with ugly.

Posted by not Ron Paul, Jan 22, 2008 11:45PM

She is nice MILF material but I like the Voodoo Seductress from the Bayou

Posted by , Jan 24, 2008 1:40PM

YES NANCY, YOUR SISTER FILOMENA DID KILL SETH TOBIAS
I am not Billy Ash, but did work for Filomena and Filomena did tell me things about that night that I also had a visit from the Jupiter police. Filomena her sister and brother has been trying to get the world to think she was a saint. The truth is that Filomena HATED her sister and they didn't talk for years until Filomena started giving the sister gifts and Seth's money. Filomena said she wouldn't talk to her sister because she only slept with low class black men. Of course we all know Filomena only slept with the rich. The sister should remember Filomena went to jail for hitting Seth and husband 2 and 3 had to get restraining orders because of her violence. If anyone purger themself I'd think it's the sister and that should make a good story. We have pictures of her and her baby. Nancy ask your sister who Beth is..lol. Your sister told details to many people. Bill Ash isn't even in the country for over a week. I FEEL THE POLICE ARE JUST WAITING FOR THE MEDICAL EXAMINER'S OFFICE TO RULE. ANYONE CAN CALL AND ASK ABOUT THE SETH TOBIAS CASE

Palm Beach County - Medical Examiner's Office
3126 Gun Club Road, West Palm Beach, FL 33401

(561) 688-4575

Posted by , Feb 05, 2008 4:15PM

First let me tell you that Billy Ash did great at the depostion and told the truth on what he was told happened that night that Seth Tobias was murdered. Billy was not in Florida the night Filomena killed Seth and only knows what Filomena told him. Billy has passed a polygraph. The tox report confirms his story on what he was saying for 5 months. It's sad that Filomena killed her husband Seth Tobias and her third husband Jay Jacknin told her to use his cell phone when talking to Billy in case her phones were taped. It's also sad that Jay Jacknin got onthe phone and called Billy from his office, cell and than several times from his home to tell him to lie in probate. That call was taped of Jay telling Billy to lie. It's very sad that Billy Ash had to hire a private P.I.'s to go and get statements from all past workers of Filomena's and Jay's that they pay there workers in cash and won't give 1099's and than make threats about taxes when the worker's don't do as ordered and Jay's office represents that area for taxes. Filomena killed Seth. The tox reports are out and his body contained ambien. Jay broke the law and knew he was doing it since he is an attorney. Jay has made claims in the past that Filomena cheated on him, was doing lots of drugs, and threatened to kill him. Filomena killed Seth Tobias. Billy feels very sorry for her but wasn't going to go to jail and cover up her crime as Jay Jacknin did. God Bless Filomena and I hope she doesn't get death, since in Florida that is usually the case in this type of murder. Billy is awaiting Jay's next move before he starts filing massive amounts of law suits against Jay and Filomena, but Billy said the paper work is ready to go. Billy does feel sorry for Filomena's two youngest kids but a crime is a crime and both of there parents are in the middle of crimes. I hope Filomena doesn't get death but she did kill Seth Tobias.

Posted by Beth, Feb 11, 2008 5:42PM

This Isn't Over! The F.B.I. Is Reviewing Everything
The F.B.I. is looking at the mountain of evidence. Plus of course there is probate. Filomena killed Seth and all the facts point in that direction. Roy Black is looking to get involved.

Posted by Nancy, Feb 14, 2008 4:40PM

I think everyone knows she killed Seth. How would Bill Ash know exactly what would come back in the toxicaligy report unless Filomena told him. Don't forget they pulled 380 crushed ambien out of Filomena's personnel safe. The facts point to she killed Seth. It's better to be rich and have tons of lawyers.

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