Map To Erin Burnett's Heart: The CliffsNotes Edition

Posted by , Jan 03, 2008 4:07PM

Fantastic. Time to sit back and watch the fur fly!

Posted by , Jan 03, 2008 4:09PM

wow erin, she actually gave this interview? don't these people have publicists or something? what a greedy bitch.

Posted by Fake John Fitzgerald Page, Jan 03, 2008 4:10PM

Oh yeah? Why do I only get to see "headshots" then?

Posted by Tim, Jan 03, 2008 4:11PM

Wow, what a fucken bitch!

Posted by The Forehead Slapper, Jan 03, 2008 4:13PM

Something snatched one of the original headline's words!!~

Posted by Guy in Chicago, Jan 03, 2008 4:13PM

HEY - What happen to the previous headline...

Map To Erin Burnett's SNATCH

C'mon Bess, you should've gone one better:

#9 Beat a path to my beaver, buy me a fur coat.

Posted by archie, Jan 03, 2008 4:15PM

the scary thing is that some moron is going to do this for her. she needs the "collar" for this

Posted by Jamie.BuchersGhost, Jan 03, 2008 4:17PM

#5...i tried that idea once....but it wasn't a gift so much as a HINT...

doesn't go over so well i tell ya, i call bullshit on her list of "things i need but am to cheap to buy"

Posted by , Jan 03, 2008 4:18PM

#9 eat my ass, erin

i hate that bitch...

Posted by , Jan 03, 2008 4:18PM

she might as well add "don't cum in my mouth." what a hi maint. bitch.

Posted by , Jan 03, 2008 4:19PM

#9...eat my ass erin burnett

i hate that bitch.

Posted by , Jan 03, 2008 4:22PM

round-trip business-class tickets to Australia and New Zealand

Posted by Captain Stabbin, Jan 03, 2008 4:27PM

We have ways of dealing with 'exceptional' women like her...

Posted by Anonymeeous, Jan 03, 2008 4:30PM

Erin, ignore these ppl, they are freaking bored....

Posted by Big10Inch, Jan 03, 2008 4:35PM

What is she going to do for me?

Posted by Mokshunamos, Jan 03, 2008 4:36PM

How about I send you, your girlfriends, and your parents to Kandahar, Afghanistan where you can really put that mountain bike to use. And if you get captured and gang-raped by the Taliban as an infidel whore while your girlfriend and parents are raped and beheaded. After your dramatic rescue and the resulting horrible facial disfigurement from being caught in the crossfire, then maybe the Yoga instructor can work out all the stress of that trauma while you relate this story to Cormac McCarthy and Don DeLillo over a nice steak dinner at Peter Luger?

You c**t.

Posted by investorcluzo, Jan 03, 2008 4:40PM

I have new found loathing for that f* c*! all this time, I thought the nice smiling face I see every morning on tv was a wholesome family type. now the truth comes out, she's just another money grubbing w...she must get it from maria.

Posted by inIT4the$, Jan 03, 2008 4:41PM

Dear Erin,

After this I know I should be upset with you, but I just can't find the energy. I'm more disappointed than hurt right now. I think we should see other people.

Damn, it's all ruined now.

Thank you

Posted by , Jan 03, 2008 4:42PM

Agreed. Total cuntrag (is that one word or two? hypehanted? i never know)

Posted by girl, Jan 03, 2008 4:44PM

Girls like this make maximilia cordero want to grow his dick back.

Posted by , Jan 03, 2008 4:49PM

whoa nellie i dont even know where to start w this

Posted by , Jan 03, 2008 4:50PM

it's okay guys, let's all calm down, erin is someone else's problem anyway. let's not go and ruin our 2008 by getting all excited here.

"it doesn't affect you, eddie, you're not human"

Posted by Captain Obvious, Jan 03, 2008 4:51PM

Map to Recruiting Me to Work for BS

Give me enough money so I can:

1. Buy a vacation.

2. Pick a vacation, and then buy it .

3. Buy my parents a vacation.

4. Buy a yoga instructor.

5. Buy an expensive stationary bike.

6. Buy a couple of famous authors to dine with (simultaneously).

7. Buy a personal chef.

8. Buy a vacation.

9. Buy Erin Burnett

Posted by , Jan 03, 2008 4:51PM

whoa nellie i dont even know where to start w this

Posted by Random Banker, Jan 03, 2008 4:51PM

She take my money well I'm in need
Yeah she's a trifflin' friend indeed
Oh she's a gold digger way over town
That digs on me

Posted by Anon, Jan 03, 2008 4:53PM

She isn't hot enough for a list like that. I think the best she could get would be a car ride to the Hamptons, but just for the day.

Posted by , Jan 03, 2008 4:54PM

I am not a bot, I'm a minister in Iowa and I'm going to vote for Ron Paul at the caucus tonight because he will take this entitled bitch over his knee and whip the shit out of her, just like Jesus intended.

Posted by pierre, Jan 03, 2008 4:55PM

nice, the misogyny is flying now

Posted by , Jan 03, 2008 4:57PM

every minister in Iowa's telling the flock to vote for Mike Huckabee

Posted by Mr. Yellow, Jan 03, 2008 4:58PM

That wouldn't stop me from Space Docking with her.

Posted by girl, Jan 03, 2008 5:02PM

@ 4:53, not even, i'd make her take the jitney back.

Posted by Anal_yst, Jan 03, 2008 5:03PM

@ girl - that might be the best comment of the day, amongst some pretty solid ones

Posted by investorcluzo, Jan 03, 2008 5:04PM

how long will it take her to retract her statement/article tomorrow? I'm guessing 9:15 am. I can hear it now: "c'mon, guys, I was just kidding". yeah right, b*! I think we need a DB poll on this one.

Posted by anon, Jan 03, 2008 5:06PM

inIT4the$, did you happen to be dating Erin? If so, I'm sorry for ya. Unless if she was indeed tongue-in-cheek.

Gold-digger alert. Where's that girl who wanted the guy who makes $500K+? At least she floated the idea of marriage after all that trouble - Erin...she *might* be impressed.

Posted by Gonzo from the Muppets, Jan 03, 2008 5:12PM

9. Pay to have my beak fixed.

Posted by girl, Jan 03, 2008 5:15PM

@ Anal-yst - flattery will get you everywhere

Posted by , Jan 03, 2008 5:17PM

@5:04 Thanks DB for posting this gem, which is now being digested by we masters of the universe that live in the best nabes in the most important and influential city on earth. Frequent the best clubs, dine in the finest restaurants and buy our clothes in the finest shops. I'm sure Ms. Erin will be issuing a denial any second now.

Doesn't matter that Mens Health has been out for awhile and read by a gazillion people. Those rubes are nowhere near as important as we are.

Posted by moron, Jan 03, 2008 5:18PM

did you read it before now 5:17? yeah, that's what i thought.

Posted by slimjim, Jan 03, 2008 5:18PM

you win this round bess, but i will be back monday fully erect.

Posted by , Jan 03, 2008 5:20PM

Is DB censoring slimjim's comments? I thought I read something about eating, boxes and farts.

Posted by investorcluzo, Jan 03, 2008 5:28PM

@5:18 - how right you are...she thought she could fly her a$$ under the rader by writing for gay men's health. bess knows what's up, she knew that we would take that no good b* to task for this. btw, my gf thinks that if EB had bigger titts, the male writers wouldn't have a problem with the list. I think not, other perspectives?

Posted by investorcluzo, Jan 03, 2008 5:29PM

@5:18 - how right you are...she thought she could fly her a$$ under the rader by writing for gay men's health. bess knows what's up, she knew that we would take that no good b* to task for this. btw, my gf thinks that if EB had bigger tits, the male writers wouldn't have a problem with the list. I think not, other perspectives?

Posted by 1-2, Jan 03, 2008 5:32PM

SlimJim's original message was this:
"f-ck f-ck c-nt. you all are f@gs. i hate you and you g@y bastards. grrrrr"

Thankfully DBs new DBag blocker rewrote it for him.

@Girl, you did have the best comment on the board today. It was the only funny, subtle, witty comment. Keep 'em coming.

Posted by Anon, Jan 03, 2008 5:34PM

5:28 - your gf is right

Posted by , Jan 03, 2008 5:43PM

@5:29 Wrong: Men's Health is for straight boys. Men's Fitness is gay.

(Details = young gay; GQ = older gay; Esquire = straight (which is why its so lame with regard to any advice that relates in any way to fashion, food, style; its good only if you need to know how to find yr gf's clitoris))

Posted by Random Banker, Jan 03, 2008 5:44PM

Anal-yst and girl why don't you two just get a (chat) room and (cyber) make-out. This shit, is getting gross

Posted by Random Banker, Jan 03, 2008 5:51PM

@5:43: What's Men's Vogue? don't say gay. I live my life by that magazine's edicts. Did you see the piece in there original issue on Dan Loeb? That is my greatest aspiration.

Posted by Novice, Jan 03, 2008 6:04PM

5:43: Aw hell. I had a choice between the three and elected for GQ for the better sense of style than Esquire and the lower Log Cabin Republican quotient than Details. Please tell me that I'm not turning into Gore Vidal.

I'll echo RB on Men's Vogue. No more bad news, please.

Posted by Anominous, Jan 03, 2008 6:09PM

6:04--

You are not turning into Gore Vidal.

Posted by , Jan 03, 2008 6:09PM

@5:51 RB I would say gay. But that means it has a gay sensibility, not that everyone that reads it is gay.

If you enjoy it, I would consider you evolved and confident. (Different from a metrosexual, which is just any guy with a good haircut and clean nails). You may even have a gay friend or two. Cool, fit guys that you knew from college when they were still straight and are now fun to hang with on occasion. Maybe even grab an after work drink with at Therapy and laugh after about how you got hit on by some analyst from GS with hot pecs.

Posted by Random Banker, Jan 03, 2008 6:45PM

Well I have no problem with "the gays", I don't even mind closet cases like SlimJim. That being said, I don't think Men's Vogue, or Esquire or even Details is any more "gay" than any fashion forward magazine would be. In other words, just cause I'm hot doesn't make everyone else gay... you know what I'm sayin, player?

Posted by slimmed down, Jan 03, 2008 7:19PM

Slimjim reads them all

Posted by hergz, Jan 03, 2008 7:26PM

Re: #1 on her list

so to her, a great vacation needs to have: nothing, AIDS, or cannibals

what an fucken reetart

Posted by Holla Bitch, Jan 03, 2008 7:48PM

Eh yo, Erin got outed by a closet homo operation hahaha... too funny.

Just goes to show how vapid and ignorant half the "ib' f%cks who read db are, come on f%cknutz, how much clearer could it have been that that this big nosed, duck hunting, gold digging hag bag was just another money grubbing c%nt from the sticks looking for her sugar daddy. I bet she'll be a fully 'reformed' rug muncher in 2 years time- she already loks haggard, and that with apprx. $5k of makeup and 'work' per day pumped into this slag daily on the bullhorn network.

yeah byatch- "buy me this, buy me that, buy me...."

Why don't you go buy me five condoms and ball pin hammer, then maybe you "please my palate" byaaattch!

Holla

Posted by JD, Jan 03, 2008 8:04PM

2. Someone who will buy me a decent wardrobe, or at least help me move on from the Filene's Basement look.

Posted by , Jan 03, 2008 8:42PM

RB @6:45 Key words are "no more gay than any other fashion forward mag.." Fashion forward is just not something 90% of straight guys care about or don't even notice, so therefore its gay. They dress in a way thats not offensive, possibly attractive (on them at least if they're good looking guys), but no way fashion forward. As I said above, the fact that you're in that 10% doesn't mean yr gay. Just that yr a little more out there than most straight guys when it comes to matters of style.

Posted by Man made, Jan 03, 2008 9:27PM

what's up with Erin's CITI trader boyfriend? isn't he good enough? ask this guy if you happen to know him.

Posted by mortal, Jan 03, 2008 9:40PM

Don't you think that magazine belongs to her bf?
I think Erin is not trying to impress anyone.It must have been that the boyfriend has been doing those stuff otherwise ,she won't admit in Washinton Post Interview that she "is in a relationship" with a guy in financial service.

carney, anything about Erin makes the "comments"so busy.

Posted by Anal_yst, Jan 03, 2008 10:22PM

Few points, no particular order:

1. Girl meet me in Town Hall 117. RB, if you're lucky we'll let you watch...

2. I'd venture to say at least 1/2 of the younger crowd on the Street is at least subconsciously fashion-forward. Just because most aren't fashion snobs that demand Zenga/Gucci -or nothing doesn't mean ya can't be well-dressed. Or well kempt/in shape (although ib hours/seamlessweb seriously f#ck with makes that difficult)

3. New York Boat Show this weekend. Erin, if you want to win my heart I'll take an Azimut Jumbo.

Posted by BL lover, Jan 03, 2008 11:48PM

what about 8 ways to Bess Levin's heart?

Posted by JT, Jan 04, 2008 7:11AM

some of you lot are mental. gang-raped by the taliban? nice one

so the girl likes going on holiday and people buying her presents. so fricken what? grow up

Posted by just me, Jan 04, 2008 7:27AM

Is she into oral after anal?

Posted by Bugs Meany, Jan 04, 2008 9:11AM

Esquire was decent about 10 years ago, but today it's like "Air America: The Magazine." Since when is the Modern Gentleman some Keith Olbermann-style fruit who bitches about Bush 24/7 and looks up to Sean Penn and John Walker Lindh?

Posted by , Jan 04, 2008 9:22AM

erin is probably the golddigger slut on craigslist.

@just me, yes i'm sure she does ass-to-mouth

Posted by slimjim, Jan 04, 2008 9:36AM

But does she do ass to ass with another girl? That is the question my friend.

Posted by nichol, Jan 04, 2008 9:38AM

Erin Burnett rules.

Posted by elf, Jan 04, 2008 9:44AM

alright kids, Erin was just trying to be sarcastic because she knows that dude does not EXIST!
She does not need a guy ,she can afford all of those stuff. she now earns more than a million and comes from a well-to-do family.
A loser would act negatively to that list as opposed to confident and secured men.It's behavioral pyschology.
I heard the sell of Men's Health mag went up.

Posted by , Jan 04, 2008 10:04AM

slim @9:36 Here's how it works: You match a nut with a bolt, or possibly match two bolts if one of them has a nut threaded at the end of it already (see "docking"). What you're suggesting is like rubbing two nuts together. How is that gonna stimulate anyone?

Posted by slimjim, Jan 04, 2008 10:10AM

Watch the end of Requiem for a Dream. It will explain it for you.

Posted by , Jan 04, 2008 10:14AM

Rebbeca Jarvis now firmly #1 on the list

Posted by Dranoes, Jan 04, 2008 10:35AM

What the hell? Who would come up with a list like this? Granted, DB punched it up a little, but only a little. I still like her better than the Cash Cow, though.

And no, we can't have a president named Huckabee. That's just stupid. Think about it. "President Huckabee". If he was the reincarnation of John Adams or something, okay...maybe...but this guy is just some God-spewing rustic.

Posted by , Jan 04, 2008 10:43AM

@10:04 your mom rubbed my two nuts together in her mouth and it was quite pleasurable

ps, it would be done with a two-headed dildo cmon man use your imagination

Posted by , Jan 04, 2008 10:48AM

@10:43 Actually my moms been dead a long time so I dont think so. May have been my dads nuts in yr mouth.

Actually, the dildo thing occured to me but I thought that it couldnt be since slim would never pass up on the opportunity to get that word into his post.

Posted by Space Docker, Jan 04, 2008 10:51AM

I want to freeze my poopies and use as a dildo.

Posted by Like Dranoes, Jan 04, 2008 1:51PM

You can bet this shit is all someone's fantasy idea. Totally untrue BUT, I want to AMEN Dranoes feeling about preferring Erin to the CASH COW. Jan 4 10:35 AM, good entry.

Posted by investorcluzo's gf, Jan 04, 2008 1:56PM

from the other half:

Erin Burnett – What The Boys Wanted Her to Say

1. Scratch Your Bag
Any guy who can touch himself in front of me really has a great level of comfort with himself. I admire that.

2. Buy Me a New Rack
You could unlock my heart by helping me get bigger hooters. I love to make you happy, and hope to eventually get some DD’s.

3. Do Something Special for Yourself
You are important to me, so seeing you buy round-trip business-class tickets for you and a pal to go to Vegas lets me see you taking care of #1.

4. Insult Me
My ego is too big, so I'd be impressed if you thought to tell me I was getting a bit heavy or not-quite pretty enough from time to time.

5. Help Me Work Out
Actually, referring to my fat ass in front of others would really help motivate me. Thanks in advance!

6. Edify Me
Do you know what “edify” means, lover boy? Reading is a passion of mine, so a gathering with a couple of YOUR favorite authors – William Patterson and Jenna Jameson…oh, forget it, I know you don’t read! Who needs books when you’ve got cable?

7. Find a good stripper
Hiring a woman to rub her tits in your face really helps me understand how sensitive you are.

8. Send Me Packing
A man who recognizes the importance of my time by myself. If you tell me to get lost or ignore my calls, I’ll love you even more.

Posted by annonymous, Jan 04, 2008 6:12PM

This has got to be a joke. My guess is that she has no interest in having a bf- works waaay too many hours, 6 days a week.

She was also probably laughing so hard and/or fantasizing that she could barely type this out.

Interesting choice of favorite authors...

There is no way a guy would do this for her- at least one under 75 yrs old and she KNOWS that.

Posted by , Jan 04, 2008 10:56PM

Add on to Buy Me List:

# 9. Buy me CITI Group, Morgan Stanley,Merryl Lynch,Bear Sterns and Blackstone for not only you'll be my hero but by the whole nation as well.That way you'll be assured the Bestman job on my wedding with CEO of a Sovereign Wealth Fund.

# 10. Convince the Fed to cut .50 bps. You'll get a kiss from me everyday until the next fed meeting because this is the only way I can save myself from a scary Cramer Fed rant.Besides, I don't know where I kept my infamous giraffe outfit that nobody likes.

Posted by tedclark, Jan 06, 2008 2:28PM

BESS LIED TO US GANG. She said Friday a users guide to laying pipe in Maria Bartiromo. There's a guy named Thomson who could tell us.

Posted by , Jan 10, 2008 9:35AM

8. Send Me Packing

A man who recognizes the importance of my time with the girls is a keeper. A long weekend spa getaway for my sisters and me would be perfection.

THAT I'd like to do - if your sisters look like you and you and your sisters ALL worship the c0ck that sprung for the trip - oh, and most important - dont talk!

Posted by , Jan 10, 2008 9:57AM

Erin may be selfish and greedy, but at least she's not funny.

She and Maria Buttaroma should put out a sex tape next. Or maybe a thighmaster infomercial.

M. Brennan is the hottie on that channel.

Posted by , Jan 10, 2008 11:16AM

anyone like to think about Sue Herrera naked?

(urgh.... scuse me, i just threw up in my mouth a little.)

Posted by mamazboy, Jan 10, 2008 9:48PM

Isn't this the witch who was laughing awhile back about the tons of lead-drenched crap being imported here from China, and tut-tutting that "China is important to us" and "we'd best not antagonize them" -?

Posted by , Jan 11, 2008 3:53PM

9) Beak Tweak

Posted by ItHurtsWhenIPee, Jan 12, 2008 3:55AM

I'm a Michelle Caruso-Cabrera fan myself.

Posted by , Jan 13, 2008 4:26PM

How much does Ms. Burnett charge per hour and does she provide GFE?

Posted by Markr, Jan 13, 2008 4:27PM

Feminism is working well for women. Give her a soft, high paying job, yet she still asks men to pay her way. I feel sorry for he fool that marries her.

Posted by , Jan 13, 2008 4:55PM

Erin BUrnett states that one of her favorite books is The Blue Sword, a fantasy novel about a young girl w/special powers who is better than everyone else, is kidnapped (Freudian) and vanquishes all the bad evil men to become a Queen.

Posted by sadfJackdsfads, Jan 13, 2008 11:55PM

"the scary thing is that some moron is going to do this for her."
Posted by: archie

Yes and I'am that moron! because the sex will be absolutely amazing. Trust me she's worth it.

Posted by klsjddlskdjfd5376dlsafkd, Jan 14, 2008 12:33AM

Ok I've had enough with you pathetic losers. she has nephews and nieces who could come across this. You should be ashamed with your vulgarity and that includes you too Bess you Bitch, how dare you for writing that title if anyone is a whore its you.

Posted by klsjddlskdjfd5376dlsafkd, Jan 14, 2008 12:34AM

Ok I've had enough with you pathetic losers. she has nephews and nieces who could come across this. You people should be ashamed with your vulgarity and that includes you too Bess you Bitch, how dare you for writing that title if anyone is a whore its you.

Posted by , Jan 14, 2008 2:42PM

"You people should be ashamed with your vulgarity....you Bitch....whore..."

Posted by Anonymous Coward, Jan 14, 2008 8:59PM

Why are people surprised by this? She started out in investment banking, after all.

Posted by , Jan 14, 2008 9:56PM

did anybody see the 5376 in the title isn't that erin's DOB I bet it was her who wrote that

Posted by Bob, Jan 29, 2008 12:27PM

She may want all this...but to say it in print is just lame. lol I mean, she's hot and well-educated and interviews princes and billionaires for a living...of course she can land a mega-richy-Rich...but this article makes her sound like a money whore...and maybe she is.

Posted by Guy Next Door, Feb 11, 2008 11:59PM

ain't she a Gold Digger?

Posted by guest, Mar 25, 2008 10:37PM

I'd suck that cunt 'til raw!

Posted by guest, Mar 25, 2008 10:38PM

I mean, I'd suck that c--t 'til raw!

Posted by guest, Apr 01, 2008 11:35AM

My beautiful and gorgeous wife never asked for anything material. She got to travel not business class but First Class all over the world and staying at the very best Hotels. We went to the top Health-Spas, I offered to pay for her parents’ trips (they refused), etc. Erin will have asked/demanded how many children to have, what names to put, what religion to have, and so on. At the end I wouldn't have any children of my own and all my money would be gone. Erin, the first thing you should ask is loyalty and trust but not Trust Funds.

Posted by guest, Apr 01, 2008 11:40AM

@11:35

You'd also have pictures of one very unattractive woman throughout your home

Posted by guest, Jun 06, 2008 2:42AM

you guys are vicious why are people so anti-money these days

posted by Jack576

Posted by guest, Jun 09, 2008 10:41AM

erin you are still number one

Posted by guest, Aug 29, 2008 6:23PM

Erin (motor mouth) Burnett sure likes to hear herself talk. Someone should tell her that quality in what one says is better than quantity. She says a lot of really stupid and unnecessary stuff. Where did they get her? And I thought mush mouth Maria was bad.