“She needs cold and flu medicine, YESTERDAY”

By Joe Weisenthal

I have always been amused at the amazingly dense attempts by FedEx competitors to emulate the pure genius that is the essence of modern speed and efficiency. Or, it could just be that I love the old Federal Express commercials.
So, the news that DHL is planning to put a bunch of locations in Walgreens around the country, well, it just makes me laugh. Kind of loudly. Try it yourself by acting out these parts:
Somewhere in Memphis:
FedEx Executive: “So, where might you be where you suddenly need to ship a document with all speed and haste to a critical location?”
FedEx Junior Executive: “The financial printers?”
FedEx Junior Executive 2: “Your accountant’s office?”
FedEx Junior Executive 3: “Your divorce attorney’s office?”
FedEx Junior Executive 4: “Kinkos?”
FedEx Executive (suddenly to Junior Executive 4): “My god, that’s BRILLIANT man!”
Somewhere in Bonn, Germany:
DHL Executive: “Zo, vere might vone be wann zuddenly to ship dokuments schnell need?”
DHL Junior Executive: “Zee dry kleeners?”
DHL Junior Executive 2: “Zee Bahnhof?”
FedEx Junior Executive 3: “Zee Post?”
FedEx Junior Executive 4: “Zee Apotheke?”
All in unison (suddenly to Junior Executive 4): “Ja- KLAR!”
DHL to Offer Kiosks at Walgreens In Major Expansion for Shipper [WSJ]


Comments (12)

  1. 1
    Posted by George Can'tstandya | January 9, 2008 at 11:59 AM

    These pretzels…are making me FIRSTY

  2. 2
    Posted by Anonymous | January 9, 2008 at 12:05 PM

    haha

  3. 3
    Posted by Anonymous | January 9, 2008 at 12:07 PM

    Hysterical! All hail FedEx!

  4. 4
    Posted by Anonymous | January 9, 2008 at 12:10 PM

    SIEG!

  5. 5
    Posted by Johnny Lawrence | January 9, 2008 at 12:46 PM

    It works for all the ebay sellers in Cedar Rapids, IA and the like cities.

  6. 6
    Posted by Anonymous | January 9, 2008 at 1:07 PM

    I remember that guy he was on Saved by the Bell as Mr. Testaverde. Too funny

  7. 7
    Posted by Anonymous | January 9, 2008 at 1:54 PM

    Welch schrecklicher Verunglimpfung der deutschen Sprache muss ich hier Zeuge werden.

  8. 8
    Posted by I'm a dude | January 9, 2008 at 2:14 PM

    @12:46 you’ve obviously never bought anything from ebay. no seller rushes out to ship the buyer anything. seller needs time to relax after the big auction. only after a dozen threatening emails will the seller actually get moving. to the post office. (oh, i did i say i would ship overnight? well, you got your package, what are you complaining about)

  9. 9
    Posted by Anonymous | January 9, 2008 at 5:10 PM

    1:54, bitte achten Sie auf stets auf Ihre schreckliche Grammatik

  10. 10
    Posted by jag | January 9, 2008 at 6:02 PM

    Awesome post.

  11. 11
    Posted by L'Emmerdeur | January 10, 2008 at 11:05 AM

    Must… resist… temptation… to invoke… Godwin’s… Law…

  12. 12
    Posted by Anonymous | January 11, 2008 at 4:44 PM

    5:10, die korrekte Grammatik in ihrem Fall würde folgendermassen lauten :
    “Bitte, achten sie stehts auf ihre Grammtik”

Leave a comment

You can log in with your account or comment as a guest below.

   or