[Editor's Note: DealBreaker correspondent Everett Stuckey just returned from covering an important event on Wall Street. His report:]
When I was an analyst scurrying back and forth to my rat’s nest/cubicle the one thing that was missing from my life (besides a soul) was another tourist trap on wall street. Cause what I really need during my red bull run is crowds of slack jawed yokels moving in slow motion down the hallowed canyon of finance. So it is with great fanfare that we announce the opening of Museum of American Finance at 48 Wall Street (where else?). Soon every huckseed from Mayberry with a Scottrade account will be descending upon Wall Street for a history lesson.
Now the so called mission of The Museum of American Finance is to promote financial literacy. Yet there’s a shocking dearth of literature in the place. In fact I’m quite sure the average person can learn more about the finance industry by watching Boiler Room.
[More on the report after the jump.]
During their press conference I over heard such mind grapes as:
“People on Wall Street don’t understand that allocation of the worlds capital is a highly important job.”
Riiiight. You guys have know idea what you do is important do you? That MD screaming at you right now is just exercising his vocal cords, for the hell of it.
“This Museum is about Stocks and Bonds AND everything in between”
Everything in between, really? And what would that be exactly? Mez? Preferred? Do these people have any idea what people in finance actually do?
The Museum of American Finance’s best purpose is as tribute to Alexander Hamilton. And they have a room dedicated solely to Hamilton. Hamilton after all founded both our nations first central bank and our first commercial bank. I personally think the average person doesn’t revere Hamilton enough. Taking a page out of the Facebook, the Museum includes a Wall of quotes by the legendary son of New York. My preamble aside, I found the following Hamilton quote to be quite disturbing.
“Man is either governed by his own laws — freedom — or the laws of another — slavery. Are you willing to become slaves? Will you give up your freedom, your life and your property without a single struggle? No man has a right to rule over his fellow creatures.” Truer words were never spoken, but what of all those shipments of “cargo” from Africa arriving in the southern Colonies when Hamilton spoke these very words?
So what did the $9mn they pumped into this bad boy really get them?
Giant sized fake iPhones and hack artists ripping off Andy Warhol.
huckseed….very nice, Carney
Best. Post. Ever.
ron chernow’s bio should be mandatory reading for every wonk “on the street”
if i recall correctly, this guy Stuckey used to be a geek/douche undergrad at Kelley not too recently who went on to join his kind being an i-banker.
Welcome to DB Stuckey – looking forward to more posts!
“People on Wall Street don’t understand that allocation of the worlds capital is a highly important job.”
Are you sure you heard him right? Maybe he said “not on Wall Street” or …Street understand that…”. I just can’t find any way to defend the second statement.
Who was in the crowd as the press conference, Dave Ramsey and Suze Orman housewives?
Hamilton was a fervent abolitionist
Hamilton also was a hermaphrodite.
Hamilton blended in well at the beach….
(think about it.)
What nice words! And thanks for mentioning our name! We had a funny thing brought to our attention the other day: One of our locals was “Alpha Porter” (played by Ceil Cabot) which is a funny name in a financial world sort of way, don’t you think? Yes…yes….
Also, we had an episode where Barney Fife invested his life savings in CDOs and when they failed he was up on the town’s church steeple shouting “Motherfuckers!! In that high pitched voice of his and waving his pistol around with that one bullet in it and all….hilarious!!……but the network censors killed that show and so we showed it at Christmas in 1966 on the “Blooper Reel”. Yes. Yes.
take my picture by that bull statue!!!
@2:56 – That’s not a very nice thing to say about someone on their first day on the job.
Also, I think investment bankers comprise a large part of the DB readership.
if you are not a nyc jew you are worthless and are being mocked.
That is all.
Most IBs in NY are just one step off the farm with a fancy college degree. I thought they were all headed back to Iowa with the layoffs? Will this museum show them all clinging to the last Amtrak out of NY? Good Lord, I pray there is.
HAM actually I think the Chernows on JP Morgan and John D. Rock Sr. are much better than the Hamilton, whose life was much less interesting, given that the times were sort of simple. That aside, I’m impressed that you’re under 30 and read. (You know what I mean: other than the Post, Ludlum, etc.).
just you… they’re off the farm cause those are the boys that have that corn fed earnest look which, when combined with those fancy degrees, is loved so much by the hiring teams. Makes sense too, since clients lap it up.
Ron Chernow is the motherfucking bomb
Anon, you have recalled correctly… Stuckey is from St. Louis, went to Indiana University (yes, well known d-bag), interned at Goldman twice before getting denied a full-time spot, and subsequently went on to work at Deutsche Bank… where he set the world’s record for worst analyst bonus before getting FIRED after just 15 months on the job.
They should have just used a real Warhol
@Jared D.
You are entirely correct, I am a douche bag, I was a terrible analyst and I am worse human being. (though, I would say Deutsche Bank didn’t want me to leave nearly as much as I wanted to be gone) My malfeasance has been well chronicled. What can I say, mea maxima culpa. My bad dudes.
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