The Most Important Hedge Fund Story Of All Time

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tb.jpgLike you, we can’t get enough of the Seth Tobias murder case. It’s so twisted, so kinky, so against God’s plan- or Richard Dawkins’s plan for that matter. Plus, it fills the hugely gaping “grown hedge fund managers who supposedly can’t swim” void, left open since someone told John Devaney that a person engaging in as much watersports as he should really know how to paddle.
Making up for the fact that the latest information is-relatively-boring (on Friday attorneys for Tobias’s brothers filed a new motion to bar T’s window, Filomena, from seeing a dime of the dead guy’s $25 million estate) is CNBC anchor Joe Kernen’s enthusiasm. (As if in the hedge fund world $25 million is even worth fighting over). At the idea that this case still hasn’t been solved yet, he screams at correspondent Scott Cohn, “Anything raising an eyebrow yet?” with palpable sarcasm. “Nothing suspicious at all about this case?!” he presses further. “Clouseau?” “Columbo?” “Go Go motherfucking Gadget???”
Someone, dig up something. If not for us, then for Joe Kernen, who’s going to throw his back out by closing bell if you don’t get some answers. In the meantime, please enjoy this recently released photo of Tobias’s assistant Billy Ash, released by Billy Ash. It should explain the lustful urges that surround the case, or at least tide us over until lunch.


billy ash.JPG
[I'm not saying long lost brother of Sleve Dohen, I'm just saying long lost brother of Sleve Dohen]
Earlier: Everything About The Seth Tobias Murder Case Is True
Murder Accusation Made in Tobias Estate Case [CNBC]
Longer Clip Of Joe Kernen Getting All Riled Up [MSN Video]

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    Comments (18)

    1. 1
      Posted by FakeRobKissel | January 7, 2008 at 12:02 PM

      Ambien laced pasta?
      Back in my day, we used to drink the sedatives in milkshakes.

    2. 2
      Posted by FakeRobKissel | January 7, 2008 at 12:03 PM

      Ambien laced pasta?
      Back in my day, we used to drink the sedatives in milkshakes.

    3. 3
      Posted by Anonymous | January 7, 2008 at 12:22 PM

      “…since someone told John Devaney that a person engaging in as much watersports as he should really know how to paddle.”
      Bess, sometimes the smalles things absolutely make my day.

    4. 4
      Posted by Anonymous | January 7, 2008 at 1:04 PM

      Looking at that picture, I didn’t know Karl Rove gained so much weight.

    5. 5
      Posted by Anal_yst | January 7, 2008 at 1:19 PM

      Unrelated (well mostly), but does this list from Verizon look a bit strange to anyone else (I mean no f’in way the NHL is top-10!)?
      “Last year’s most popular Mobile Web activities among Mobile Web users included
      checking e-mail and staying up-to-date on their favorite sports teams. Top
      Mobile Web destinations for 2007 include:
      1. Yahoo!(R) Mail 6. Lavalife Chat
      2. ESPN 7. MyVerizon/My Account
      3. MSN(R) Hotmail 8. CBS Sportsline
      4. AOL(R) Mail 9. LSN Local News
      5. Airdate Friendz 10. NHL”

    6. 6
      Posted by Anal_yst | January 7, 2008 at 1:21 PM

      crap, got cut off, here ya go 6-10:
      6. Lavalife Chat
      7. MyVerizon/My Account
      8. CBS Sportsline
      9. LSN Local News
      10. NHL

    7. 7
      Posted by NHL Fan | January 7, 2008 at 1:37 PM

      adreed, very unlikely in the extreme

    8. 8
      Posted by Aleksey Vayner | January 7, 2008 at 1:44 PM

      I have a new book coming out. I have little or no basis to be writing this book, but what the hell maybe some depressed idiot who was just fired from his line job in motor city will pick it up and have no idea i am a complete fraud.
      http://alekseyvayner.com/test/

    9. 9
      Posted by Aleksey Vayner | January 7, 2008 at 1:48 PM

      I have a new book coming out. I have little or no basis to be writing this book, but what the hell maybe some depressed idiot who was just fired from his line job in motor city will pick it up and have no idea i am a complete fraud.
      http://alekseyvayner.com/test/

    10. 10
      Posted by Anonymous | January 7, 2008 at 1:55 PM

      timmay?

    11. 11
      Posted by L'Emmerdeur | January 7, 2008 at 2:13 PM

      Joe Kernan + Mark Haines’ scotch + Larry Kudlow’s coke = EPIC FAIL.

    12. 12
      Posted by Anonymous | January 7, 2008 at 2:22 PM

      That’s not a picture of Billy Ash. It’s a picture of Tobias Funke (David Cross) from Arrested Development, wearing his never-nude shorts…
      http://z.about.com/d/tvcomedies/1/7/U/-/-/-/tobias_funke.jpg

    13. 13
      Posted by fake Aleksey Vayner | January 8, 2008 at 1:29 AM

      His father, abusive to the family, indulges in hobbies that included professional rock climbing, Olympic-level swimming, and skiing. “From a very early age I followed suit, climbing a lot, and spending winters skiing – training under his friend who was even better at skiing,” says Aleksey.
      (http://alekseyvayner.com/test/author.php?mode=biography)
      as long as i’m listing dad’s hobbies, i guess i’ll throw in the fact that he beats me

    14. 14
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    15. 15
      Posted by Juegos de futbol 2013 | May 3, 2012 at 12:00 PM

      Thank you ever so for you article. Much obliged.

    16. 16
      Posted by Met | May 3, 2012 at 12:58 PM

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    17. 17
      Posted by Marketing | May 3, 2012 at 3:04 PM

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    18. 18
      Posted by Truth In Gold | May 3, 2012 at 7:14 PM

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