"There is no high-tech lingo or business strategy that you can talk that is above my head," Hammer boasted during an interview. "I breathe this stuff."

I’m sure all you rabid Stanley Burrell fans have known about/been discussing the news in chat rooms for weeks at this point but Carney sent me a “high-priority” e-mail this morning outlining the reasons—too embarrassing, for him, to mention—why it bears repeating so here and now: MC Hammer is launching DanceJam.com, a new site MCH hopes will become “the Internet’s hub for sharing and watching dance videos,” this month. DJ will apparently provide “demonstrations and information about a wide variety of dances,” and also offer viewers the chance to judge user submitted videos, which should be good for a laugh. There’s no one on earth who wants to see this thing, via ad sales*, help MC get out of the $14 million in debt he got himself into in the mid-late ‘90s more than us but our inner cynical asshole is skeptical. We don’t disagree that Mr. Hammer inhales and exhales “this stuff,” and we’ll note that someone we work with has been waiting for what feels like years for a site to come along that will show the unwashed masses proper “Hands Up (Give Me Your Heart)” technique so he can “stop going to weddings and Bar Mitzvahs and watching people fumble around and fuck it up.” But other than that co-worker, who we like to call “Ron Blarney,” and a few sick freaks who get off on watching strangers look like idiots on the internet, who’s going to use this thing? And, more to the point, can any of these amateurs top this?

We submit no. But let's end this on a high (low?) note: there were several times over vacation that we seriously considered adding “Can’t Touch This” to our running playlist. I’ll elaborate more on that later.

Ex-rapper tries hand at Internet [Boston Globe]

*we’ve heard Mike’s HL is in talks.