Something’s amiss at UBS. Though the bank was set to pass out bonuses made entirely out of craptastic stock (down 35 percent for the year) and marshmallows today, employees are acting surprisingly calm, almost…too calm. One in wealth management tells us “we’re doing alright…it’s not a bloodbath” and the word from banking and trading is “it’s not the end of the world.” Is it possible that despite blowing a ton of money on worthless (but pretty!) ice sculptures for the holiday party at the Natural History Museum and losing a few billion dollars the other day, the friends o’ the SS aren’t stiffing all on b’s? We’re skeptical. And we remain unconvinced that no one’s angry enough to pull a Merrill. Are you planning something? Let us know.
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- Use the Bloomberg command
NH BLG_DEALBREAKER <GO>
to access Dealbreaker
I can confirm the quiet smugness of UBS employees. My guy on the energy desk, despite rumors of shit bonuses, was as chipper as can be today.
He didn’t even try to rape me on the deals we did.
From what I heard UBS IB bonuses were up this year.
Could be that you were raped and didn’t know it. And that’s why he was chipper.
You did mention they brought a “therapist” in today, I could see if her prior work experience includes posts at esteemed institutions of counselling such as Scores, Penthouse Executive Club, etc, how the “friends o’ the SS” (great line btw) were “chipper as could be” today…
Probably have enough cash to pay those remaining nazis with the money they saved firing their CMBS team
Just in case you weren’t able to listen to our call today, there is not even the remotest chance that we will be downgraded. Really.
I pooped in the men’s room sink.
There were ICE SCULPTURES??
It’s not Friday yet. I haven’t sat down in the Oval Office ALL WEEK! I’m also taking in as much fiber as I can. When I get to work tomorrow: thar she blows!
Yep, calm smugness. I got paid 25k bonus as yst 1r s&t analyst. How about *them* apples?
I pooped in the sink and washed my hands in the toilet.
I was so pissed that I didn’t bother to decimal align the numbers in my comps table going out to a client.
nazi sympathizers
nazi sympathizers
nazi sympathizers
Ron Paul sympathizers
Ron Paul sympathizers
@5:47 – try 10k as a first year…how do you like DEM APPLES!
@6:22 at ubs? non-stub?
@1-2, How much were you expecting July 4th? How much were you expecting at New Years?
How many hours did you work in 07?
How much was that per hour? In hindsight was it worth it?
@5:47 – try 10k as a first year (not this year)…how do you like DEM APPLES!
@6:37 – it was pro-rata for 6mo. Bonuses were super low that year. Also, not in IBK, but which group I can’t say. Just know i’m an investment professional, not back office or something else bs.
legit job – shit pay
@everyone – sorry bout the double-post. not sure what’s up with that.
I am going to poop in the urinal.
Is there a limit to the number of times we can vote for Ron Paul?
@1-2, ouch, sorry bro… was it restricted paper also? so in reality just base?
nazi sympathizers
@6:46 – Vote as many times as you can and pay poor people to vote for him as well.
That was last year (2006). It’s all gravy on my end this year. Big jump in base actually.
Thanks for the brotherly love though.
I voted 12 times for Ron Paul , thus he now has 2% of the vote
Cash bonus was fine, but we didn’t get to take a ‘Nazi-appropriated’ painting from the vault in the basement like they have in previous years.
How did the md’s and above do? Did they make any distinction betw global and US? or was everyone punished?
If Chuck Norris voted for Ron Paul, he’d win the election
plenty of goose eggs were passed out to people who were not the cause for blame for the amount of risk we took on. plenty of ubs peeps still waiting for the full story as to what was going on.
forgive me…i don’t work in the finance industry but have been rivetted by the “story” of it all. How do these men and women, used to making 4 -6 million $ a year or more, sustain their lifestyles? and their stock awards from years past??? are any of them worth anything? can the strike price be rolled back on an individual’s award so they can make at least something for the year?
I mean it. I’m sick of these posts.
@ 11:58 I am sick and tired of the nation building!
And I am sick of the RP haters…and sick of the MHL posts. I mean it!
a stock award doesnt have a strike price. You get a fixed number of shares, that will be yours to keep (“vest”) typically three years from today. The idea is that if the value of the firm grows over that period, so will the value of the reward. One downside is that you need to hang around till it vests, so its therefore considered a retention tool by the firm and a jail sentence by the employee. Certainly less preferable to having a cash bonus in your hand today.
To 1-2:
“legit job – shit pay”. You lost me. None of Dealbreaker’s readers’ jobs make the world a better place (mine’s to make really rich people more really rich) so the only legitimacy we have is our pay check.
I am anti-ron paul crazy supporters, pro-MHL platform. Also I would nominate Bess to the SCOTUS.
Give a fuck? Vote for Huck.
Yeah! I like Bess for SCOTUS, too.
vxCYqT Fantastic blog post.Much thanks again.