• 13 Feb 2008 at 12:53 PM
  • Gooch

Big News

gary-coleman.jpgWell everyone, it’s finally happened—Gary Coleman lost his virginity. The lucky woman was Shannon Price, who not only won the first aforementioned prize, but the second as well, which was Gar’s hand in marriage (third prize is a night with Dana Plato). The whole thing happened back in August but was just made public yesterday, when the nuptial photographs were released. The Post notes that though the differentials are staggering—18 years and 11 inches—Price says her husband’s “sweet[ness]” makes him “10 feet tall,” in her eyes. I know what you’re thinking and my answer is this—who cares that there’s no business angle (or one that we can come up with, though I’m sure FBN and Jim Cramer’s US Weekly will shortly). This is our happy story of the day, except for the part about G to the C possibly being an abusive husband (“He lets his anger conquer him sometimes,” Price admitted. “He throws things around, and sometimes he throws it in my direction.”) which we’re going to just chalk up to an effort on G’s part to no get too tall (in her eyes) for the door frame, or demons associated with the time he and Dudley almost got molested by the bicycle store owner who said, ‘Let’s play Tarzan.’
‘Strokes’ Star Secretly Wed [NYP]

Comments (18)

  1. Posted by ab | February 13, 2008 at 1:06 PM

    Um…a night with Dana Plato might not be so great, seeing how she committed suicide 8 years ago.

  2. Posted by Anonymous | February 13, 2008 at 1:08 PM

    @ ab…thanks for spelling out the joke.

  3. Posted by Lee D | February 13, 2008 at 1:10 PM

    WIDE OPEN opportunity to say that Gary’s starting his own fund, and he’s a short seller, but you didn’t.

  4. Posted by Lee D is an idiot | February 13, 2008 at 1:11 PM

    wide open opportunity to make a stupid joke, obvious joke, but she didn’t.

  5. Posted by Anonymous | February 13, 2008 at 1:12 PM

    He’s just a typical hedge fund. He’s both long and short.

  6. Posted by Anal_yst | February 13, 2008 at 1:17 PM

    “…C to the G…”
    Was that an intentional possible double entendre or whatnot?

  7. Posted by Yo! | February 13, 2008 at 1:24 PM

    OK, it was a stretch to link this in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit bit yesterday, but it just feels right here:
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/worldnews.html?in_article_id=513820&in_page_id=1811
    (Where can I get one?)

  8. Posted by Anonymous | February 13, 2008 at 1:26 PM

    Any post about Gary that doesn’t include the phrase “What cho talkin’ ’bout Willis?” is lacking. A solid B- post saved only by the reference to the ‘extra-special’ episode.

  9. Posted by Anal_yst | February 13, 2008 at 1:30 PM

    @ Yo: that sh!t is f’in freaky, that lil 1/2 pint scares the sh!t out of me!

  10. Posted by Anonymous | February 13, 2008 at 1:32 PM

    How bout a pic of that cougar Charlotte Rae??

  11. Posted by Anonymous | February 13, 2008 at 1:39 PM

    @ 1:26- she used that phrase yesterday.

  12. Posted by HAM'05 | February 13, 2008 at 1:52 PM

    i wonder how big the little guys member is
    in doing some research i found: The blue-billed duck (Oxyura australis) is just a little fellow — he weighs less than one kilogram (two pounds) — but his penis measures 28.5 centimeters (11 inches), and it’s covered with knobs.
    rest of the article, plus other gems here:http://judson.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/02/12/a-tyrannical-romance/index.html

  13. Posted by The Forehead Slapper | February 13, 2008 at 2:04 PM

    You say that whipped cream can actually be used on food, too?

  14. Posted by Anonymous | February 13, 2008 at 2:59 PM

    you people are pathetic

  15. Posted by Nominate me | February 13, 2008 at 3:05 PM

    “…and it’s covered with knobs.”
    DB readers are having horrible college flashbacks.

  16. Posted by Anonymous | February 13, 2008 at 3:32 PM

    I usually find this Web site pretty entertaining. But if the Dana Plato line really was a joke and not just a ridiculous oversight (which would be pretty hard to believe with the link) it wasn’t very funny. Cheap shots at people who’ve commited suicide generally aren’t.

  17. Posted by Anonymous | February 13, 2008 at 3:51 PM

    I think suicide is an excellent idea for many of the posters on this site

  18. Posted by Cincinnatus_C | February 13, 2008 at 4:04 PM

    so has 1-2 stuck it to girl yet?
    someone fill me in…

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