Can We Get Another Shot Of That Semen Detector, Jimmy?

Posted by Bess Levin, Feb 14, 2008, 10:21am

I spent the better half of yesterday cheating on my spouse which was unfortunate because it caused me to miss this wonderful FBN segment on the “business of infidelity.” According to Todd Morris, Brickhouse Security CEO, “cheating season” begins just after Christmas, picks up steam in January, and comes to a head on February 13. That’s where he comes in—Morris sells a product called the Semen Detector, for “spouses who just don’t know.” Fifty percent of the time you’re just being paranoid; what Brickhouse is really offering, for the bargain basement price of $49.95, is “a good night’s sleep." Cavuto’s questions are excellent: “What must it feel like for the person being spied on?” “What does this say about the relationship if the suspicion is such that you need to look for foreign DNA?” “Where were you last night, Todd?” His response at the end to Morris’s reflection that it’s sort of bittersweet that things have been so lucrative also cannot be topped: “That’s sad, that's sad. But, your business is booming as a result, so..." Every cloud, Todd. Every cloud.

Infidelity happens - don't let it happen to you! [Brickhouse Security]

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Posted in: Fox, Fox's new tagline: When shit happens, we rub your noses in it., NYMEX

Comments

Posted by Leisure Suit Larry, Feb 14, 2008 10:26AM

Since today is apparently the day to post FBN videos, can the video of Happy Hour host Rebecca dressed in authetic Year of the Rate wardrobe be posted for all to enjoy (and laugh)? Or how about some videos of hot girls in bikinis, lingerie, or nothing involving finance or administrative work (read horny secretaries) so I can see if that semen detector really works.

Posted by , Feb 14, 2008 10:28AM

Oh shits. Bonus discussions today.

Posted by The Office, Feb 14, 2008 11:09AM

Dwight holds the black light on the bed that Michael has to sleep in, in the hotel room.

Dwight Schrute: That's either blood, urine or semen.
Michael Scott: Oh, God. I hope it's urine

Posted by The Observer, Feb 14, 2008 11:17AM

If you shined the "semen detector" in Tim Sykes office, you'd probably need a welder's sunglass to protect your eyes

Posted by Timmay, Feb 14, 2008 11:36AM

The Observer: And you know this how? I think I'm going to be sick. Is that what he means when he goes 'long and then 'short' during the trading day? Is that why he's almost always short? Ewwww....

Posted by J$, Feb 14, 2008 11:41AM

Well, if you're not putting semen in her, she has every right to seek sex elsewhere.

Posted by Nominate me, Feb 14, 2008 11:57AM

This system is totally faulty. For the road warriors, it is hard to walk into a Holiday Inn without slogging through piles of jizz. Put a blacklight on that shit if you don't believe me.

Flip flops bitches, flip flops.

Posted by , Feb 14, 2008 12:01PM

There is a reason they call the top layer of the bed a "cum-forter"

Posted by John Sherlock Holmes, Feb 14, 2008 1:05PM

Is CSI a generic term or does the TV series have proprietary rights to that? Either way, it makes the kit look a bit cheesy.

Posted by , Feb 14, 2008 1:25PM

Cheating with your left hand or your right?

Posted by Lowly Assistant, Feb 14, 2008 2:51PM

Cavuto's such a fucking stud. He always looks like he's contemplating an intense chess move.
Cavuto vs. Rza? Tiger style.

Posted by de Cosmos, Feb 14, 2008 3:55PM

CSI? HaHa!! That would be Cum Scene Investigators?

[Link saucy and maybe NSFW...]

Posted by guest, Feb 16, 2008 10:58AM

Hi Gang, I admit I personally used the SemenSPY kit, it was amazing just like they said. I knew in just a few seconds. It did come out positive like I expected and my spouse had no choice but to admit it then. I now at least have piece of mind. It does state it is made by a prior law enforcement detective right on the box. It was the best one I could find and I found great postings about it all over the web, now I know why.

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