How to Think About Making Fun of Portly Yet Successful People

It was recently suggested by someone too close to the matter for objectivity that I, as in Bess Levin, am “unnecessarily harsh” on Steve, as in Steve Cohen. “You’re always calling him fat or bald” said the person with eyes. Obviously, my initial reaction was “watchu talkin’ about Willis?” because I can’t remember the last time I called the Big Guy (BG) fat. “Fine, rotund, portly. You called him ‘portly’ just today,” his mother countered. In his mind, he had won this “You’re too mean to Steve” argument and there was nothing I could do to sway him (he didn’t believe me when I said I described the BG as rotund so as to paint him as a distinguished gentlemen, a man of wealth and taste, or that I just wanted to know, not for fat reasons but just because I was interested, if the BG ordered out three Monte Cristos and a coke yesterday or four, in light of the circumstances, those being that SAC had really shitty offerings for lunch), so I did what any person faced with an insurmountable obstacle of words placed before her would do, and signed offline. Dramatically. Without saying goodbye. I had won the war.
But now, thinking about it, I wonder, am I unnecessarily harsh on Steve Cohen? One could theorize that with these posts I’m doing the whole “pull the BG’s ponytail on the playground,” but that doesn’t really work, for several but one notable reason in particular.
What the leading light complaining to me doesn’t realize is something the Big Guy surely does and appreciates: With a few exceptions (Timmay, Blarney, Alexey), being mocked by Ms Levin is one of the great trappings of big-swinging-dickdom that very few ever achieve (Crab Hands, Fatty, ValueStockTipguy). I know nothing about Wall Street, so if I have heard of you, you’re big. But Stef-Boy (people think he is called Stevie, but his true friends know otherwise) won’t come out of his hermetically-sealed full-body condom to clarify this matter on my behalf so I’ll leave it to all of you to decide by poll. Am I too mean to him? If yes, you had better come up with somebody else for me to mock or I will find you and make you my next bitch. If no, congratulations, you answered correctly.
(Eff the Vizu poll. And not because it doesn’t let you use curse words — though you know that grinds my gears — but because I want a forum. The Internet is a collaborative medium; as far as I can tell I’m the only one doing the work here. Except this guy:)


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Comments (21)

  1. Posted by Anonymous | February 12, 2008 at 9:27 AM

    no, but griffin is begging for it too.

  2. Posted by Anal_yst | February 12, 2008 at 9:27 AM

    Glad to see you had that early-morning redbull this am Bess.
    Before I can suggest another name, we’re gonna hafta get some juice on SAC performance this year.
    Btw when is your big interview with Warren Buffet?

  3. Posted by Anonymous | February 12, 2008 at 9:36 AM

    best db post ever

  4. Posted by Bad Leg Quezada | February 12, 2008 at 9:44 AM

    Mr. Cohen employs/employed a man who allegedly wanted another man to fix “personality flaws” that were affecting his trading by wearing certain types of women’s garments.
    ‘Nuff said.

  5. Posted by in the know sac employee | February 12, 2008 at 9:51 AM

    Steve loves it when you talk smack about him and when you don’t wonders where he went wrong.

  6. Posted by lurker | February 12, 2008 at 9:58 AM

    I’m with bad leg on this one. Bring the heat!

  7. Posted by anonymous | February 12, 2008 at 10:05 AM

    submit value stock tip guy for your FBN commercial

  8. Posted by Anonymous | February 12, 2008 at 10:23 AM

    So much awesome :)

  9. Posted by Anonymouse | February 12, 2008 at 10:27 AM

    I believe “Big & Tall” is the preferred nomenclature, Bess. “Portly” is so 1950s. And we all know you weren’t even born in the fifties, you pretty young smack talker, you.

  10. Posted by SeaDog | February 12, 2008 at 10:28 AM

    Not mean enough. Start talking about his vagingo and his man-boobs and then you’re closer.

  11. Posted by Sal Di Gerlando | February 12, 2008 at 10:40 AM

    Levin, love your acrid pen, or is it venomous fingers. Mulled over your cold gefilte fish story, and I believe the soppresata should have been accompanied by a loaf of Colandera’s bread.
    By the way, are you married?

  12. Posted by Sal Di Gerlando | February 12, 2008 at 10:41 AM

    Levin, love your acrid pen, or is it venomous fingers. Mulled over your cold gefilte fish story, and I believe the soppresata should have been accompanied by a loaf of Colandera’s bread.
    By the way, are you married?

  13. Posted by Tony Nostra | February 12, 2008 at 10:51 AM

    Sal – you can only get her if you send her meat! She really likes meat! She even samples the meat that guys send her way! And like most girls who sample meat they know they shouldn’t swallow, she was on her knees vomitting later that night…

  14. Posted by Anonymous | February 12, 2008 at 10:52 AM

    bash the hell out of cohen, just like he bashes my backside
    love, seth peck

  15. Posted by Anonymous | February 12, 2008 at 11:11 AM

    you culd make fun of the size of john thain’s awkwardly large neck. that thing looks like a tree trunk, california redwood i think.

  16. Posted by sac | February 12, 2008 at 3:38 PM

    he’s not fat , though he looks a bit chubby when he takes his bra off

  17. Posted by anonymous | February 12, 2008 at 11:44 PM

    honestly, are you so bored that you need to comment on the best trader of out lifetime (besides buffet). the people who say cohen deserves bashing can’t beat the S&P and bess you need to get a life… if you had what it takes to make money i highly doubt you would be writing for a blog. have a nice day shleps

  18. Posted by Anonymous | February 13, 2008 at 12:00 AM

    @ 11:44. You sir, are an idiot.

  19. Posted by Anonymous | February 12, 2008 at 9:22 AM

    no, but griffin is begging for it too.

  20. Posted by Anal_yst | February 12, 2008 at 9:23 AM

    Glad to see you had that early-morning redbull this am Bess.
    Before I can suggest another name, we’re gonna hafta get some juice on SAC performance this year.
    Btw when is your big interview with Warren Buffet?

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