Alright so there’s a slight clarification to be made to the story about the mother trying to peddle her son’s ass out to rich older women. Suzanne, the mom who really wanted her son Alex to at least be afforded the opportunity to become the sex slave of someone old enough to be his—wait for it—mother, didn’t actually give birth to Alex. She’s just his stepmother (more on that later). Yesterday, Big S placed a second call to PocketChangeNYC organizers, who weren’t yet entirely convinced they should make room for the kid at Thursday’s event, considering all slots were filled while he hemmed and hawed about forking over the fifty dollar entrance fee. Suzanne remains so certain that Alex’s participation in the singular awesomeness that is an evening of matchmaking between sugar mamas and boy toys under time constraint that she and her husband are willing to pay the $50 themselves, provided Alex is allowed to be whored out like everyone else. Suzanne adds at the end, as I guess her “final plea” or whatever, that she hopes they’ll reconsider, if for no other reason than the fact that she’s not Alex’s biological mother, and “part of the reason [she’d] really like him to be able to go is because it would cause her* so much agony.” Presumptuous insinuations about what sort of scenarios would or wouldn’t pain Alex’s real mom (who knows, perhaps this is exactly the sort of thing she’s always dreamed of for her baby boy), I have to say, we’re sold. And also that I hope to one day be so lucky as to have stepchildren at my disposal through which I can carry out vindictive but hilarious schemes that speak to my severe psychological problems. Additionally, and this is just me talking crazy, but I can’t help thinking there’s something going on between these two. Now that it's printed as fact through the magic of the Internet, feel free to embellish on this incontrovertible truth and disseminate widely.
Earlier: That Cougar Will Feel Like She's Sixteen Again When MY Son Is Banging Her, THIS MUCH I PROMISE YOU
*"her" = biological mom, if you were confused.
Posted by kinky! , Feb 06, 2008 11:24AM
hahah "all the slots were filled"
Posted by , Feb 06, 2008 11:26AM
no props to eddy?
Posted by whachathink? , Feb 06, 2008 11:29AM
Oh. My. God.
Now I'm convinced: Stepmom and Biodad are eager to pay for widdle Alex to go to the event because they are desperate to get him out of Stepmom's pants.
Oedipus Rex has nothing on this story.
Excuse me now, I have to go change my pants because I pissed myself laughing.
Posted by , Feb 06, 2008 11:30AM
ooh, so send the boy and torment the real mother? Wow, that sounds great, let's slot him in! For only $50? They should really charge $200+ for latecomers.
Posted by , Feb 06, 2008 11:33AM
He's welcome in my slot! But, @11:24, only in one of them!
Posted by , Feb 06, 2008 11:34AM
whachathink? Twisted, but no factual basis behind this idea. But let's not have facts get in the way of your fantasies, eh?
And Oedipus Rex actually had children with his biological mother as returning king. A tad bit more screwed up...
Posted by big r , Feb 06, 2008 11:36AM
did she think throwing in the real reason (re agony) would give him a better chance of getting in? or is she just nuts?
Posted by BSD , Feb 06, 2008 11:37AM
A little late to be censoring her number, after most everyone got it yesterday (but in such an appropriate way though, kudos)...incidentally - I want to hear the prank calls please.
Posted by Fake 1-2 , Feb 06, 2008 11:38AM
11:33,
What are you doing Thurs night?
Posted by Light House For The Blind , Feb 06, 2008 11:39AM
So, I decided to tell my son that frequent masturbation, or "self abuse" as they called it at Bishop Vincent High School, would ultimately lead to blindness......
And my son tells me, "Dad....I'm over here."
Posted by , Feb 06, 2008 11:46AM
Fake 1-2, how do you know 11:33 is (a) female (b) who doesn't have an STD and (c) who isn't joking.
Posted by Dirty chef , Feb 06, 2008 11:49AM
@11:33 Do you like double-meat sandwiches? I bet you like pounded sandwiches? Admit it - you'd beg Alex and I for a hot panini...with lots of white cream sauce.
Posted by 11:33 , Feb 06, 2008 11:49AM
... and how do you know which slot I mean, or does it not matter?
Posted by Fake 1-2 , Feb 06, 2008 11:53AM
11:46 am I was serious as shit dumbass.
11:33 assuming you are female, don't have an std and are serious, I'm pretty flexible.
Posted by 11:33 , Feb 06, 2008 12:04PM
I moonlight as a yoga instructor. I can do the scorpion pose and the firefly. I'm pretty flexible too.
Posted by Spleen , Feb 06, 2008 12:07PM
There once was a man named Oedipus Rex
You may have heard about his odd complex
His name appears in Freud's index 'cause he
Looooved his mother...
And when he found what he had done
He tore his eyes out, one by one
A tragic end to a loyal son who
Looooved his mother
So be sweet and kind to mother, now and then have a chat
Buy her candy or some flowers or a brand new hat
But maybe you had better let it go at that....
in the immortal words of Tom Lehrer
Posted by , Feb 06, 2008 12:07PM
but do you meet the other 3 criteria?
Posted by 11:46 , Feb 06, 2008 12:15PM
Fake 1-2, you call me dumb? It is the Internet you are posting on! I've had some fun posing as a female in a chat room, and it is truly amazing how many people can fall for that. But how do you know I'm not a female?
I thought cynicism was at least one trademark of the banking culture. I'm going to say 11:33 is either not female or has some sort of STD.
Posted by Ron Paul was here , Feb 06, 2008 12:19PM
11:46 - you a chick? if so, I'm down.
Posted by Ron Paul was here , Feb 06, 2008 12:21PM
I have to warn you though that in the throngs of excitement, I may exlcaim "Ron Paul" rather than "baby"
Posted by , Feb 06, 2008 12:22PM
the way to determine if someone is a female is to ask them their panty hose size. If they say S, they're a guy. panty hose comes a, b, c, d or some such thing.
Posted by Fake 1-2 , Feb 06, 2008 12:22PM
11:46 I dont know or care, I'm a hermaphrodite. This is the fucking internet dumbass.
11:33 - Scorpion......nice.
Posted by Ron Paul was here , Feb 06, 2008 12:24PM
11:46 - What's your pantyhose size?
Posted by Monte fan , Feb 06, 2008 12:25PM
what is Monte's status? has he been selected to participate? is there time for autograph signing and indecent proposals after the event?
Posted by , Feb 06, 2008 12:26PM
@12:22
That's also a great way to determine that the female you're talking to is over 40 and not the hot young 18 year old she claims to be. Who the fuck wears drugstore pantyhose except fat old secretaries?
Posted by big r , Feb 06, 2008 12:30PM
@ Ron Paul was here
i normally dont encourage the RP comments but that 12:21 comment was priceless
Posted by r , Feb 06, 2008 12:45PM
bess levin has jumped the shark - please fire her and get back to something relevant - her posts have become unreadable
Posted by 11:46 , Feb 06, 2008 12:46PM
I don't wear pantyhose...as Britney Spears demonstrated, panties are optional.
I was 11:33's yoga instructor and mentor. She learned all her Tantra from me. Did anyone say catfight?
Exclaiming "Ron Paul" is rather disturbing...considering his history as an ob-gyn.
Posted by 11:46 , Feb 06, 2008 12:50PM
r, Bess Levin is under the influence of the soppresata
It was quite a disturbing experience for her, and your sympathy is welcome. ;)
Posted by Ya Baby! , Feb 06, 2008 12:52PM
I want to get any of the hot girls reading onto this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9_amg-Aos4&eurl=http://consumerist.com/index.php?refId=352854
Call me?
Posted by , Feb 06, 2008 12:55PM
@ r: her posts are the best part of this site, moron. this thing would go to shit without her.
Posted by agreed , Feb 06, 2008 1:18PM
Bess IS DB
Posted by 11:33 , Feb 06, 2008 2:09PM
Scorpion is tough on the abs and shoulders so please try to make it worthwhile.
I don't wear pantyhose, or underwear of any sort when I can avoid it.
Posted by Fake 1-2 , Feb 06, 2008 2:18PM
11:33 - you're making my bracket bulge.
Posted by 11:33 , Feb 06, 2008 2:25PM
Just one more reason the boys on the desk don't want to cut me lose during a down cycle
Posted by Fake 1-2 , Feb 06, 2008 2:46PM
Do you do private yoga instruction??
I'll bring my handicam and we can give these voyeurs what 1-2 & girl wouldn't....
Posted by , Feb 06, 2008 2:52PM
Depends, how big was your bonus?
Posted by 11:46 , Feb 06, 2008 2:56PM
LOL @ 2:52. 700k bonus and no one to spend the holidays with...oh wait, nvrmind. :D
Posted by Cougar Hunter , Feb 06, 2008 2:57PM
867-5309 = 917-751-0419
I'm gonna call her and see if she needs a young stud since she probably shouldn't boff her step-son.
Posted by F12 , Feb 06, 2008 3:16PM
not on a bonus system.
Posted by 11:46 , Feb 06, 2008 3:20PM
Fake 1-2, work in the adult industry i guess?
Posted by F 1-2 , Feb 06, 2008 3:22PM
own a hedgefund, jackass.
(Isn't there an excel spreadsheet you should be working on?)
Posted by 11:46 , Feb 06, 2008 3:29PM
no, F 1-2, I don't work for you. Maybe there's a hedgefund you should be running (into the ground)?
Posted by 11:33 , Feb 06, 2008 3:42PM
Sounds like you two will do just fine on your own with the sexual tension you are developing, sorry boys but I am not into 3-way
Posted by General Zod , Feb 06, 2008 3:49PM
Fake 1-2, it's a shame you had to let 11:46 get to you. i thought you had a real shot.
Posted by F1-2 , Feb 06, 2008 4:15PM
What am I going to do now?
Posted by 11:33 , Feb 06, 2008 4:23PM
Well, to be fair I am into it with another lady but two men is right out. As I already said, only one slot please.
Posted by General Zod , Feb 06, 2008 4:26PM
What bravery. Be nice to him, my dear. Blow him a kiss.
Posted by 11:46 , Feb 06, 2008 4:36PM
F1-2, admit I won...and I could care less about the rest.
I don't care about 11:33 anyway, I was only gunning for your rather large ego.
Posted by Ron Paul was here , Feb 06, 2008 5:07PM
The Dr. wants a piece of that ass.
Posted by , Feb 06, 2008 9:04PM
11:33 at least 185lbs
11:46 is a retard
Fake 1-2 lives with his mom
Posted by , Feb 07, 2008 12:11AM
Does MHL come in cases?