Well, I spoke to 1-2, who’s taking the day off from work to recover from his date with ‘girl’ (kidding, he always takes Fridays off, sometimes Mondays, too, and every other Wednesday, and the second and fourth Tuesdays of each month). On the one hand, it sounds like they had a nice little first date. On the other, 1-2 didn’t give me shit! Honestly, the whole experience (the recap, not the date) was like pulling teeth. I get that he has to “play it cool” and “respect” her by not kissing and telling but John Francis Carney III, Esquire! show me some freaking gratitude. I brought you two together, I facilitated this whole thing. I’m not asking you scream out my name in the throes of passion (though people often do) or let me babysit the kids but show a little leg for god’s sake.
So. If anyone has a problem with the lack of entertainment value after the jump, take it up with 3-4, not me. The next time DealBreaker gets involved in the love lives of our readers, you can bet there’ll be a contractual obligation for explicit details and video footage. To that end, as soon as the editing is completed, we’ll be posting the results of commenter anal_yst’s date with commenter anal_yst. You will not be disappointed, this much I promise you.
DBBL (1:37:57 PM): ok so you met at the smith
DBBL (1:37:59 PM): what time
1-2 (1:38:03 PM): 830
DBBL (1:38:09 PM): who got there first
1-2 (1:38:22 PM): she did
DBBL (1:38:32 PM): were you late?
1-2 (1:38:46 PM): nah, i got there at like 832
DBBL (1:38:50 PM): ok
DBBL (1:38:59 PM): did you do any pre-date rituals beforehand?
1-2 (1:39:25 PM): haha…no. i really didnt know what to expect.
DBBL (1:39:36 PM): what did you wear?
1-2 (1:39:50 PM): suit, no tie
DBBL (1:40:04 PM): suit
DBBL (1:40:09 PM): that’s a little intense dont you think?
DBBL (1:40:13 PM): were you coming from work?
DBBL (1:40:20 PM): you already got your bonus
DBBL (1:40:25 PM): so no sense staying late
1-2 (1:40:45 PM): nah. it worked. it was a dark dark tan suit and striped shirt.
1-2 (1:40:53 PM): she was in a dress
DBBL (1:40:59 PM): what did it look like
DBBL (1:41:01 PM): color?
DBBL (1:41:03 PM): cut?
1-2 (1:41:11 PM): you had better get ‘girl”s approval on anything before writing
DBBL (1:41:16 PM): i will
DBBL (1:41:22 PM): answer my questions
DBBL (1:42:27 PM): hello?
DBBL (1:42:30 PM): let’s go
1-2 (1:42:42 PM): damnit woman
1-2 (1:42:43 PM): settle
DBBL (1:42:53 PM): i’m completely calm
DBBL (1:42:56 PM): cut/color?
1-2 (1:43:00 PM): she just wore a nice dress. strapless and black.
DBBL (1:43:08 PM): ok
DBBL (1:43:15 PM): you were both pretty dressed up
DBBL (1:43:24 PM): was she wearing heels?
1-2 (1:43:28 PM): yes
DBBL (1:43:30 PM): what was the height differential like
DBBL (1:43:34 PM): you’re pretty tall
1-2 (1:44:12 PM): she was shorter than i, but i dont know really. i’d say 5’9 with heels?
1-2 (1:44:16 PM): really bad guess though
DBBL (1:44:54 PM): first thought when you saw her?
1-2 (1:45:03 PM): cuter than i expected
DBBL (1:45:10 PM): that’s nice
1-2 (1:45:28 PM): easy to pick out though. her back was to me, but i could tell it was her.
DBBL (1:45:37 PM): how
DBBL (1:45:43 PM): just a “feeling”?
1-2 (1:45:48 PM): yea
DBBL (1:45:58 PM): what was the awkwardness level like at first
DBBL (1:46:14 PM): and did you acknowledge it
DBBL (1:46:18 PM): “this is weird”
DBBL (1:46:19 PM): etc
DBBL (1:46:29 PM): did you talk about ron blarney at all?
1-2 (1:46:50 PM): ron blarney?
1-2 (1:47:01 PM): it actually wasnt weird
DBBL (1:47:16 PM): dont act lke you don’t know who ron blarney is
DBBL (1:47:25 PM): ron blarney?
DBBL (1:47:29 PM): lon varney?
DBBL (1:47:31 PM): don klarney?
DBBL (1:47:40 PM): stop me when the lightbulb goes off
1-2 (1:48:11 PM): keep going
DBBL (1:48:28 PM): ill let you think about it
DBBL (1:48:32 PM): ok the date
DBBL (1:48:36 PM): back to it
DBBL (1:48:39 PM): what did everyone order
DBBL (1:49:08 PM): and were you at a round table or a square one, across from each other or side by side
1-2 (1:49:18 PM): we split mac n cheese and then she wanted a “bloody steak” so i agreed to split a ny strip and fried
1-2 (1:49:21 PM): fries
1-2 (1:49:29 PM): they put us in a corner
1-2 (1:49:36 PM): i made a crack that you did that somehow
DBBL (1:49:41 PM): hah
DBBL (1:50:14 PM): ok so she likes rare meat, that’s good, i hate ppl who get it any more cooked than medium rare
DBBL (1:50:17 PM): what did you drink
1-2 (1:50:39 PM): i had hendricks on the rocks
DBBL (1:50:54 PM): and she had….
1-2 (1:51:00 PM): dewers and diet
DBBL (1:51:25 PM): what did you talk about
DBBL (1:51:48 PM): what was the fliration level like
DBBL (1:52:08 PM): and was her hair up or down
1-2 (1:52:14 PM): hair down
1-2 (1:52:55 PM): talked about everything from how weird it was to our lives to the fact commener Random Banker claimed to have emailed us both yet he had only emailed her
DBBL (1:53:05 PM): at any time did she leave the table and you thought to yourself “yeah she’s probably not going to come back”
DBBL (1:53:16 PM): wait, Random Banker emailed you?
DBBL (1:53:24 PM): i mean her
DBBL (1:53:26 PM): what’d he say
1-2 (1:53:26 PM): YEA
1-2 (1:54:05 PM): i made the first trip to the bathroom, which was rediculous (peep show, barber chair, photobooth) and told her she had to check it out before we left
DBBL (1:54:19 PM): the men’s room?
1-2 (1:54:47 PM): uni
DBBL (1:54:57 PM): oh. that would’ve been a good “first date test,” telling her to go into the men’s room and see how she handled the challenge
DBBL (1:55:17 PM): anyway. what was her reaction (to the room, not to your forcing her to go in there)
1-2 (1:55:36 PM): thought it was rediculous like i did
DBBL (1:55:45 PM): who paid for dinner
1-2 (1:56:19 PM): i did, while she was in the bathroom
1-2 (1:56:27 PM): she bought drinks at amsterdam
DBBL (1:56:34 PM): how much was diner
DBBL (1:56:36 PM): dinner
1-2 (1:57:53 PM): under a hundred with drinks and tip
DBBL (1:58:20 PM): is there any particular reason you dont want to tell me the actual amount?
DBBL (1:58:25 PM): or do you just not remember
1-2 (1:58:38 PM): 95
DBBL (1:58:47 PM): k
1-2 (1:58:51 PM): drinks>food
DBBL (1:59:24 PM): Did you get wasted because you were having fun, or to dispel any lingering memories of the fact that you agreed to do this?
1-2 (1:59:56 PM): the former
DBBL (1:59:59 PM): nice
DBBL (2:00:08 PM): ok whose idea was it to go play pool
1-2 (2:00:11 PM): she was pretty hammered too though. i was playing catch up most of the night.
DBBL (2:00:17 PM): hah
1-2 (2:00:25 PM): mine. we were walking by it and thought it’d be fun
DBBL (2:00:28 PM): do you think she’d been drinking beforehand?
DBBL (2:00:35 PM): like before dinner
1-2 (2:00:37 PM): she had some wine before
DBBL (2:00:45 PM): smart
DBBL (2:00:52 PM): how was pool
DBBL (2:00:57 PM): who won
1-2 (2:02:24 PM): i won both games handidly
DBBL (2:02:34 PM): was she awkwardly bad or cute bad
1-2 (2:02:39 PM): tried to help her out
DBBL (2:02:52 PM): like were you embarrassed for her or did you find it endearing
DBBL (2:02:58 PM): did your pointers help?
1-2 (2:03:41 PM): cute bad. she was trying.
DBBL (2:04:03 PM): how did she react to losing?
1-2 (2:04:06 PM): its really hard for someone to embarrass me with their own actions (ie, being bad at something)
1-2 (2:04:12 PM): so i guess it was endearing
1-2 (2:04:19 PM): she bought drinks
DBBL (2:04:27 PM): i always experience second hand embarssment
DBBL (2:04:33 PM): the losing though
DBBL (2:04:36 PM): how did she take it
DBBL (2:04:44 PM): i sense a competitive streak in her
DBBL (2:04:47 PM): (in a good way)
DBBL (2:05:20 PM): and is she a trash talker?
DBBL (2:05:47 PM): take your time in addressing any of these
DBBL (2:05:51 PM): i have all the time in the world
1-2 (2:06:57 PM): the losing?
DBBL (2:07:17 PM): i actually meant please address all the questions
1-2 (2:07:51 PM): oh jesus, i didnt see those
1-2 (2:07:53 PM): weird
1-2 (2:07:53 PM): ok
1-2 (2:07:54 PM): hmmm
DBBL (2:08:10 PM): pointers/trash talk/losing
1-2 (2:08:15 PM): pointers helped
DBBL (2:08:22 PM): cool
1-2 (2:08:35 PM): not much trash talking to be honest. more just flirting enjoying the night.
DBBL (2:08:53 PM): i mean, TT is a form of flirtation
DBBL (2:09:03 PM): was she ok w/ losing?
1-2 (2:09:36 PM): she knew she was a bad at pool walking in so she didnt trash talk or worry about her game
1-2 (2:09:43 PM): although she missed the cue ball a few times
1-2 (2:09:44 PM): haha
1-2 (2:09:54 PM): tt is flirty, but it wasnt right
DBBL (2:10:07 PM): what does that mean
DBBL (2:10:13 PM): it wasn’t appropriate to trash talk?
DBBL (2:10:18 PM): k anyway
DBBL (2:10:21 PM): what did you drink there
1-2 (2:10:51 PM): beers
1-2 (2:10:53 PM): bud for me
1-2 (2:10:56 PM): stella for her
DBBL (2:11:06 PM): any shots?
1-2 (2:11:09 PM): tt just wasnt right at the time
1-2 (2:11:09 PM): none
DBBL (2:11:21 PM): then what
DBBL (2:12:09 PM): ?
1-2 (2:12:41 PM): then we went to kiss n fly
DBBL (2:12:49 PM): whose idea was that
1-2 (2:12:50 PM): walked half way then jumped in a cab
1-2 (2:12:52 PM): mine
DBBL (2:12:58 PM): why’d you chose that place
DBBL (2:13:08 PM): out of curiosity
1-2 (2:13:22 PM): my buddy had a group of people there
DBBL (2:13:36 PM): interesting
DBBL (2:13:41 PM): was there any making out in the cab?
1-2 (2:14:05 PM): maybe
DBBL (2:14:19 PM): you already told me you made out
DBBL (2:14:35 PM): so let’s just establish when/where the first kiss occurred
1-2 (2:14:49 PM): cant tell you that
1-2 (2:14:52 PM): you can ask her
DBBL (2:14:54 PM): show a little gratitude for me bringing you two together
DBBL (2:14:58 PM): fine
DBBL (2:15:00 PM): i will ask her
[This was her response via email: "Wait we made out?? JK. A lady never tells."]
DBBL (2:15:15 PM): so what happened at K&F
1-2 (2:15:26 PM): i have given you a freaking play by play, it’s not like im stone walling
1-2 (2:15:46 PM): we sat on the stage with my buddy and his group (mostly girls oddly)
1-2 (2:15:54 PM): drank jack and goose
1-2 (2:16:02 PM): stayed til like 245
DBBL (2:17:12 PM): what were her interactions like w/ the other ladies
1-2 (2:17:32 PM): stayed mostly to us
DBBL (2:19:02 PM): did the ppl you were hanging out with know you guys had met on the internet?
1-2 (2:19:32 PM): nah
1-2 (2:19:37 PM): didnt tell them anything
DBBL (2:20:15 PM): if things get serious will you tell ppl you met on the internet? or come up with an alternative story
1-2 (2:20:34 PM): nah, the true story is too good
DBBL (2:23:02 PM): alright well what happened there
DBBL (2:23:12 PM): i need some fucking details
DBBL (2:23:26 PM): you want to disappoint the readers?
1-2 (2:23:50 PM): no, but i dont want to disappoint her either
DBBL (2:24:03 PM): im checking this w/ her before i post
1-2 (2:24:41 PM): i know
1-2 (2:25:24 PM): we danced, drank
1-2 (2:25:27 PM): hungout
1-2 (2:25:38 PM): there were really no stories from when we were at k n f
DBBL (2:27:14 PM): fine
DBBL (2:27:22 PM): then tell me how it ended
1-2 (2:27:46 PM): ended well.
1-2 (2:28:09 PM): she needed to go home, and i needed to talk with some of the guys for a few minutes longer
DBBL (2:28:12 PM): was there talk continuing things at one of your apts
DBBL (2:28:16 PM): oh yeah?
DBBL (2:28:20 PM): what did yo have to talk to htem about
1-2 (2:28:28 PM): doesnt matter. not date related.
1-2 (2:28:40 PM): i hadnt talked to a few of them all night, so i wanted to say hey
1-2 (2:28:52 PM): no one went home with the other
DBBL (2:28:54 PM): did you walk her out
1-2 (2:29:26 PM): we’ve been emailing today though
1-2 (2:29:28 PM): things are good
1-2 (2:29:38 PM): even though i was a douche bag and didnt walk her out
1-2 (2:29:46 PM): at that point i was pretty wasted
DBBL (2:30:13 PM): think you’ll see her this weekend?
1-2 (2:30:58 PM): probably
DBBL (2:31:25 PM): any last words?
1-2 (2:32:02 PM): it was worth the trouble
I thought that this link might help you:
http://www.ehow.com/how_2062190_have-sex-male-female.html
Elizabess Levin, you are amazing.
No mention of the balloon knot?
Bess, you should start a matchmaking service
It “rediculous” a private joke? This isn’t the first time I’ve seen it here. Anyone want to let me in on it?
@ 3:47…perhaps a spelling error on 1-2′s part? (fucking loser. 3:47, not 1-2)
Either girl is straight up hot (relatively to 1-2), alluded to sex this weekend if things go well, or 1-2 is just desperate to hold on… or maybe he really is a gentleman.
weak, 1-2, weak.
Not to brag, but my prediction of
“No show: 4 with faux spunk
Show: 6 with genuine spunk”
is looking pretty good.
Gimme a: R
Gimme a: O
Gimme a: N
Gimme a: P
Gimme a: A
Gimme a: U
Gimme a: L
Ron Paul
@3:51 I assumed (mistakenly, I guess) that this was the transcript of a phone conversation.
I thought it was a longshot that BOTH Bess Levin and 1-2 would not know how to spell ridiculous.
1-2 :
I was hoping you were joking around, but I guess not. You should learn how to spell ridiculous. I know it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but you consistently spell it with an e. It really sticks out. My spelling sucks too, but this is a really noticable error and doesn’t seem like a typo. Best of luck with your spelling and your dating.
fucking asshole: why would there be time stamps on a phone conversation?
Got too drunk to get it up. That’s what happened.
Since apparently nothing happened, perhaps reviewing this site might help you to feel better:
http://www.siecus.org/parent/now/now0008.html
Should’ve taken her to a Spank Rock show, or shared a carafe of Grand Marnier.
Stranger danger.
Damnit 1-2 can we get a cell phone pic of girl, even a glimpse, just a little glimpse?
She hotter than Ron Paul?
nothing is hotter than ron paul. he won miss america AND mister universe
Good shit.
1-2 (1:45:28 PM): easy to pick out though. her back was to me, but i could tell it was her.
awwwwwwww. it’s fate. 1-2 (1:45:28 PM): easy to pick out though. her back was to me, but i could tell it was her.
awwwwwwww. it’s fate.
DBBL (1:47:25 PM): ron blarney?
DBBL (1:47:29 PM): lon varney?
DBBL (1:47:31 PM): don klarney?
Ok Bess/Carney, can we delete every post and/or comment mentioning senior Paul so these freaks go away? kthnx
1-2 got none, because he was drinking snotty hendricks and Bud.
Everyone knows the Mike’s is what makes the panties drop.
>1-2 (1:45:28 PM): easy to pick out though. >her back was to me, but i could tell it was >her.
>
>awwwwwwww. it’s fate.
or it’s fat.
actually i tried my darndest to get him into my S&M closet but he was all ‘let’s wait until our 3rd date’. c’est la vie
Bess good job …. and nice that 1-2 ‘s a gentleman …. so far anyway…. btw , never let the lady buy anything on a first date
Don’t ya kinda get the impression that girl isn’t like most girls Gent? My question, if you remember Dana Varchon (sp?)’s article about the Women on Wallstreet, which type wood girl be?
Bess good job …. and nice that 1-2 ‘s a gentleman …. so far anyway…. btw , never let the lady buy anything on a first date
http://biz.yahoo.com/ap/080201/snipes_tax_trial.html?.v=1
Wesley Snipes…is actually Ron Paul?
Do you think Girl is …… ???
Is girl a brit? That’s hot.
1-2: it is weak that you didn’t come into work today. Come on man, represent the team.
1-2 you are a tool shed. I don’t think you are going to offend girl if you man up and give some more details. Not walking her out? Are you kidding me? Why wouldn’t you try and close? Put that coffee down!
KLW, call me. You’re roommate has the number.
Big r, no chance bro, me & KLW have been dating since 1972
@ Anal_yst,
Were you even born yet? in 1972…
Uh, While I’m flattered to be included in this little ditty.
I DID NOT and HAVE NEVER E-MAILED GIRL. HOW WOULD I EVEN GET GIRL’S E-MAIL?
Bess I assume you straightened this out already, but anyway….
Random Banker = John Popper
I fucking feel violated. I wish I seen this shit when people were around. Who has been impersonating me? ANAL_YST!!?!?! I swear to god If I ever find out who did this, fuck, i’m a pussy. But i’ll give you the fucking stink eye like you won’t believe.
AND @ 1-2 & girl:
I NEVER CLAIMED TO HAVE E-MAILED EITHER ONE OF YOU.
I’m seriously, pissed. This shit ain’t cool.
Random Banker = Ron Paul??
I agree. Random Banker is the Ron Paul supporter. And why the fuck am I still in the office now?
While I do support Ron Paul, I do not support him enough to post those gayass messages. Random Banker is really Hillary man. When she’s elected you’ll work for us, its just a matter of time. So say good bye to 15% taxes on carried interest, we’re send that shit to Africa to buy mosquito nets, BTICHES.
Ron Paul received my vote … he now has 0.0003%
I am Ron Paul. Vote for me faggots
YOU FUCKER STOP IMPERSONATING ME
@9:22
YOU FUCKER STOP IMPERSONATING ME
God, you see why lots of people post anonymously. Random Banker, I feel your pain.
Finally, some good news. 1-2 and girl got together and enjoyed their date. Girl is cute and a good sport. 1-2 acted (and is acting) like a gentleman.
To hell with Ron Paul and his deluded supporters.
@ Random banker
I aint impersonating you (someone jacked my handle last week too). I’m in the process of starting a new company (status: thinking about writing a biz plan) to address this problem. All I need is about $2m in easy venture funding and we’ll be up and running in no time!
Mmmmm. Good sex. I need a cigarette.
Guess I had that coming…
Fuck, no pun intended
I voted for Ron Paul also …. he now has 0.000031% of the vote , including that very important Lyndon Larouche horde
funny post, delusional.
Chuck Norris is Ron Paul…the rest of you are faggots.
Chuck Norris is a 60+, small market action hero. Ron Paul is a 70+ niche politico, usually pulling in 5% or less of the Republican vote. How these simple facts have any bearing on anyone’s sexual orientation is way beyond me.
1-2 doesn’t sound like a gentleman. He sounds like he’s still trying to get laid.