• 26 Feb 2008 at 1:26 PM

Non-Dairy Creamer

By Bess Levin

rachaelray.jpgSympathies to my Starbucks junkies in the audience who need it between the hours of 5:30 and 8:30 pm—the drug pushers are closing up shop for three hours tonight to re-train the 135,000 baristas that didn’t get fired last week on how to make your bullshit drink. CEO Howard Schultz said he thinks the tutorial will “foster enthusiasm [among] employees” which is an interesting take on the situation. (He also noted that the evening’s event is “a bold demonstration of our commitment to our core and a reaffirmation of our coffee leadership” which I’d been more inclined to buy if they could offer some level of assurance that ritual sacrifice will be involved.) The opportunistic leeches at Dunkin’ Donuts, in order to “ensure that no coffee lover is denied a delicious espresso-based beverage” will be selling lattes, cappuccinos and espresso drinks for the Suck It Starbucks promotional price of 99 cents from 1 p.m. to 10 p.m.
Speaking of Dunkin Donuts, after the jump, a word from DD spokeswoman Rachael Ray. Don’t bother with headphones; this is something you’ll want everyone within earshot to enjoy.



Coffee break for Starbucks’ 135,000 baristas [Fortune]

Comments (10)

  1. 1
    Posted by Anal_yst | February 26, 2008 at 1:52 PM

    Starbucks blows, in every sense of the word besides the one in which I could really really use right now…

  2. 2
    Posted by guest | February 26, 2008 at 1:55 PM

    Check this out, then try to watch the video without throwing up in your mouth a little bit. NSFW.
    http://www.idontlikeyouinthatway.com/2007/09/rachael-ray-has-nipples.html
    Anyone for pancakes?

  3. 3
    Posted by guest | February 26, 2008 at 1:59 PM

    Rachel Ray is a hottie

  4. 4
    Posted by guest | February 26, 2008 at 2:00 PM

    Jesus!!!!
    Regards,
    The Forehead Slapper

  5. 5
    Posted by guest | February 26, 2008 at 2:17 PM

    oh man that is so gross!

  6. 6
    Posted by step on all the bids | February 26, 2008 at 2:30 PM

    Homegirl’s got some silver dollar nips

  7. 7
    Posted by guest | February 26, 2008 at 2:35 PM

    who is she? anyways, i would like to cream her face

  8. 8
    Posted by mbaer | February 26, 2008 at 2:49 PM

    As much as I hate SBUX, nothing’s worse than Dirty Donuts. Anyone tried their hash browns..fn nasty!

  9. 9
    Posted by american bandersnatch | February 26, 2008 at 3:53 PM

    What would possess you to eat hash browns at Dunkin’ Donuts? They make good coffee.

  10. 10
    Posted by guest | February 27, 2008 at 6:18 AM

    Starbucks in Europe (and I dont ínclude the UK) is only frequented by US expats , which is in itself one reason not to go, and serves truely DISGUSTING coffee.
    The true coffee lovers stick to the smoke fuelled, rubbish tinny music free, football on the TV, loud talking and extravagant hand gesturing, slightly aged Italian Lavazza cafes.
    Uno Espresso per favore…. Gracie
    p.s. Bess, you maka me so horny… I wanta you.
    BACI
    Eurohedgie

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