--Thursday is Steve Schwarzman's birthday. He claims he doesn't want to do anything big, just a few close friends over to the manse, and if it turns be mostly couples, perhaps they'll put some keys in a bowl, but nothing too crazy. He's also supposedly telling people "no gifts"; this is a trap. You know he's full of it and if you don't READ HIS MIND and tally ho on over to Brookstone and snatch up one of those fancy $200 ass-hair trimmers he's been eyeing for months (sources say Crab Hands was just relating the other day how he needs to 'deforest the Schwarzwald') and hand deliver it to l'office, along with the perfectly worded card, you'll be looking at the business end of a hissy fit.

--The Fox Business commercial. Remember? We found out that it only costs $250-$900 to buy a 30-second spot on FBN, depending on when it airs, and delineated tasks to the group. I repeat: You: Make a video and send it to us. We: Pick the best and our publisher will send it to Fox's ad sales team. They: Either a) air it, and earn you a piece of quasi-immortality along such leading FBN lights as Fat Boy Cavuto; or b) shitcan it, and we'll reprint a transcript and audio clip of how Fox, who would blow a goat for a few extra shekels, all of a sudden got all 'integrity' on us. I love the idea of sending the ValueStockTips guy, and it may very well come to that but seriously, show me what you can do.

-- Goldman Sachs is still firing people. So sayeth:

A friend and associate in equity derivatives got let go from GS this morning. He's on his way to Maiden Lane to get his severance package. The reason? "Re-organization"

The source said the last thing he saw was a few schmattas throwing the guy in a car with Eddie Dane, who told him, "Everyone's so goddamn smart. Well, we'll go to Maiden Lane. And we'll see who's smart."