Reminders

By John Carney

blackstoneiposecondayfirstdaypopletdisapointingipoperformancedownwarddowndowndown.JPG–Thursday is Steve Schwarzman’s birthday. He claims he doesn’t want to do anything big, just a few close friends over to the manse, and if it turns be mostly couples, perhaps they’ll put some keys in a bowl, but nothing too crazy. He’s also supposedly telling people “no gifts”; this is a trap. You know he’s full of it and if you don’t READ HIS MIND and tally ho on over to Brookstone and snatch up one of those fancy $200 ass-hair trimmers he’s been eyeing for months (sources say Crab Hands was just relating the other day how he needs to ‘deforest the Schwarzwald’) and hand deliver it to l’office, along with the perfectly worded card, you’ll be looking at the business end of a hissy fit.
–The Fox Business commercial. Remember? We found out that it only costs $250-$900 to buy a 30-second spot on FBN, depending on when it airs, and delineated tasks to the group. I repeat: You: Make a video and send it to us. We: Pick the best and our publisher will send it to Fox’s ad sales team. They: Either a) air it, and earn you a piece of quasi-immortality along such leading FBN lights as Fat Boy Cavuto; or b) shitcan it, and we’ll reprint a transcript and audio clip of how Fox, who would blow a goat for a few extra shekels, all of a sudden got all ‘integrity’ on us. I love the idea of sending the ValueStockTips guy, and it may very well come to that but seriously, show me what you can do.
– Goldman Sachs is still firing people. So sayeth:

A friend and associate in equity derivatives got let go from GS this morning. He’s on his way to Maiden Lane to get his severance package. The reason? “Re-organization”

The source said the last thing he saw was a few schmattas throwing the guy in a car with Eddie Dane, who told him, “Everyone’s so goddamn smart. Well, we’ll go to Maiden Lane. And we’ll see who’s smart.”

Comments (11)

  1. 1
    Posted by al | February 12, 2008 at 12:18 PM

    Bess…..Press the post button once. Then we don’t get duplicates of the same shit.

  2. 2
    Posted by Living the Dream | February 12, 2008 at 12:19 PM

    Got to love the Miller’s Crossing ref. Made a cold day a bit warmer.

  3. 3
    Posted by Anonymous | February 12, 2008 at 12:21 PM

    @al: kill yourself once. then we don’t have to hear your shit.

  4. 4
    Posted by Nominate me | February 12, 2008 at 12:35 PM

    The ValueStock Tips guy with a GoDaddy dot com type commercial. Fat guy in a bikini? Fox has no problem with that.

  5. 5
    Posted by Wish I was Fired by Goldman | February 12, 2008 at 12:43 PM

    Then I could start my $7 billion hedge fund with my GS credentials and man o man that 2/20 is lookin good, Billy Ray!!
    By the way, that is the last time I will use a phrase from “Trading Places”. If I had a dollar for everytime I heard , “Sell Mortimer, Sell !!!!” I’d have my $7 billion at present.

  6. 6
    Posted by 1-2 | February 12, 2008 at 12:50 PM

    Just spoke to a guy at GS equity derivatives. He said that their teams are pretty much intact. Layoffs are just part of the 5% haircut the total workforce there is part of.
    At least that’s what he said.

  7. 7
    Posted by :( | February 12, 2008 at 12:58 PM

    not my guy in equities.

  8. 8
    Posted by Anonymous | February 12, 2008 at 1:02 PM

    well even at goldman sometimes someone actually deserves to be fired

  9. 9
    Posted by chad | February 12, 2008 at 2:06 PM

    there is no way any idea is better than posting ValueStockTips guy as the commercial.
    Do you realize that this type of exposure could give him enough capital to start a hedge fund? Dealbreaker would have to start another site dedicated to just that topic.

  10. 10
    Posted by AJ | February 12, 2008 at 3:23 PM

    Crab hands!

  11. 11
    Posted by Anonymous | February 12, 2008 at 4:12 PM

    I’d put in a $100 towards the chris farley wannabe.

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