It's probably a safe assumption that many of the male participants in Thursday's speed dating event, earnestly taking part in this horrifically embarrassing but very entertaining spectator sport, have some sort of mother issue that is manifesting itself in their desire to be made the kept boys of much older women. But you have to wonder how many of them have gotten their actual mothers (and not their seasoned girlfriends) involved. Three? Four? Half the field? Or is Alex S., pictured here, the only one who, after taking too long to submit his profile because he didn't want to pay the $50 entrance fee (which his new older lady friend surely would've recouped him for later), and was told all slots had sold out, had his mother call the organizers, begging them to reconsider the gross oversight of her little boy? For the love of humanity, I certainly hope not.
Message From Mom [audio clip]
Posted by , Feb 05, 2008 1:34PM
that is phenomenal
Posted by alex's mom , Feb 05, 2008 1:43PM
it really is the saddest story ever told
Posted by , Feb 05, 2008 1:43PM
ha ha
Posted by i wish my mom loved me , Feb 05, 2008 1:52PM
hahaha
Posted by , Feb 05, 2008 1:58PM
its awesome. just awesome. he would be a real attribute to the event!
but bess ... is it really a spectator sport? can i actually show up and watch the speed dating happen??
Posted by , Feb 05, 2008 1:58PM
its awesome. just awesome. he would be a real attribute to the event!
but bess ... is it really a spectator sport? can i actually show up and watch the speed dating happen??
Posted by A-Non , Feb 05, 2008 1:59PM
Agree with 1:43...
Posted by Anonymous , Feb 05, 2008 2:01PM
That beats this one, http://www.dealbreaker.com/2008/01/speed_dating_scandal.php
Posted by , Feb 05, 2008 2:01PM
why don't you come over,you can have some hot chocolate and then afterwards you can maybe knock around my little alexander's cock and balls for a while.
Posted by , Feb 05, 2008 2:02PM
She sounds like a babe.
Posted by jon lichtenstein , Feb 05, 2008 2:13PM
i never comment, but this could be the most priceless blog post i have ever read!!!! Well played Bess, well played.
Posted by Andy Tabbo , Feb 05, 2008 2:17PM
You've got to be kidding me. Agreed with 2:02....she sounds sort of good looking for a cougar.
Posted by taylor lazar , Feb 05, 2008 2:20PM
i'm a little confused as to why my mother never felt it appropriate to whore me out
Posted by JP , Feb 05, 2008 2:24PM
I cheated on my 35 year old wife with a 46 year old cougar, and all I can say is WOW!!!! Better body, better attitude, and lastly, mind blowing sex. Cougars are ok by me.
Posted by , Feb 05, 2008 2:26PM
wow JP, you cheated on your wife, you're so cool!
Posted by , Feb 05, 2008 2:27PM
@2:13-2:15 making up for lost time with your commenting?
Posted by GAnalYst , Feb 05, 2008 2:36PM
This guy is too much of a pretty boy. Tanner is still the one to beat.
Posted by JP , Feb 05, 2008 2:37PM
I didn't consider it an act of being cool, it's just normal considering the fact that I am a Wall Street sociopath.
Posted by JP , Feb 05, 2008 2:41PM
I didn't consider it an act of being cool, it's just normal considering the fact that I am a Wall Street sociopath.
Posted by big r , Feb 05, 2008 2:44PM
i wish i was cool enough to proclaim myself a "Wall Street sociopath"
tool
Posted by JP , Feb 05, 2008 2:49PM
Well you are not, so deal with it, and the cougar just happened to like my "tool"
Posted by , Feb 05, 2008 2:53PM
What I am feeling now can only be described in German, and I don't know German, but listening to that made me feel good about myself.
Posted by big r , Feb 05, 2008 2:54PM
hey JP, do you walk around parties saying how drunk you are hoping that someone would say "wow look how drunk that guy is"? or how about when you hear a story and then feel the need to go "yea well me too, but mine is more extreme" just to validate yourself to the crowd? so pathetic you feel you need to claim yourself to be a sociopath on a blog comment.
the "cougar" was probably a dude
Posted by JP's Wife , Feb 05, 2008 2:55PM
JP, I just found out that I have AIDS because of your philandering. Thanks dude, appreciate it.
Posted by Fancy , Feb 05, 2008 2:56PM
I am not believing this.
Posted by , Feb 05, 2008 2:57PM
Hey Bess - think you can set something upo between big r and JP's wife? I sense compatibility.
Posted by JP's Wife , Feb 05, 2008 3:07PM
Just to put any rumors to bed, I do indeed have a penis.
JP, me and "Mr. Winky" are waiting for you at home to play.......
Posted by , Feb 05, 2008 3:14PM
you guys need to calm down. JP fwiw I enjoyed reading your comment although i do question whether 46-35 is still considered cougaring, you seem a bit old for that, thoughts anyone? where is the cutoff? in my opinion, you gotta be 30 or under.
Posted by Nominate me , Feb 05, 2008 3:14PM
JP -
Take it from me (strippers w/ daddy issues), if you are going to make that caliber of joke be ready for the onslaught.
No matter how much you backpedal, you will end up looking like more of a dick.
Just apologize now for the poor taste in comedy (assuming it was a joke).
Posted by D , Feb 05, 2008 3:15PM
Did anyone notice that the title to this posting was changed? You know, to eliminate a rude word?
Seems kind of childish.
Posted by Anominous , Feb 05, 2008 3:16PM
where is the inevitable hemisemi-insightful Carney post on the freakiest piece of economic data to emerge in 17+ years? or Moody's switching to number grades for CDOs?
I tire of stifling laughter. I want to feel again the cruelty, the bitterness of life.
Posted by Kudos 2:01 , Feb 05, 2008 3:17PM
I'll come in when it's dark.
Posted by mrpink , Feb 05, 2008 3:18PM
mreeeeeeeeeow... Helloooooo Tiger
Posted by Anonymous , Feb 05, 2008 3:20PM
@ 3:16
Leave Ron Blarney alone.
Posted by , Feb 05, 2008 3:21PM
also the 7 posts of commenter @2:13 were removed. they are really getting active with the board management around here. which is great because i know JC will never let it affect our right to free expression/idiotic commenting
Posted by , Feb 05, 2008 3:23PM
"he's got some balls and some cock, you gotta stroke his schlong or at least bite his nuts!"
Posted by s75 , Feb 05, 2008 3:26PM
If you missed it earlier JC will be black out drunk until the beginning of lent at which point he will be trying to sleep off the shivers and delerium of alcohol withdrawal for the next week or so
Posted by , Feb 05, 2008 3:27PM
Is he giving us Blue Steel?
Posted by GAnalYst , Feb 05, 2008 3:29PM
Pink @3:18 You like this guy? He's a little too Fabio for my taste. I doubt he even owns a jockstrap. Plus, I'm surprised you're being so disloyal to Tanner.
Posted by , Feb 05, 2008 3:31PM
has anyone called her yet?
Posted by Andy Tabbo , Feb 05, 2008 3:45PM
Listened to the message again. I must say that it is difficult to wrap your head around the mother-son relationship there. Notice she said, "His father and I convinced him he should sign up"....
WTF?
So, the mother and father sat around and said: "Yes, the best thing for our son is to become a boy toy to a rich older woman. That is probably the best he can accomplish in life."
Posted by , Feb 05, 2008 3:51PM
i agree with 1:59
Posted by , Feb 05, 2008 3:51PM
I have a brother in law like that ...
Posted by JP , Feb 05, 2008 3:56PM
I am very sorry for my comments earlier. Sometimes I forget that some of the readers here are female and/or homosexuals. I just became so excited at the mere mention of a cougar on my favorite blog that I could not contain my opinion. Again, my sincerest apologies, and I will refrain from sharing my own personal experiences.
Posted by , Feb 05, 2008 4:19PM
great lets all move on
Posted by Fake Elle McPherson , Feb 05, 2008 4:19PM
I'm dating someone half my age. His dad is an artist and movie director. Butterfly and Diving bell or somesuch.
Posted by , Feb 05, 2008 4:19PM
Why are you apologizing to the homos? We're extremely open minded when it comes to sex. Its the single straight boys who are hungry and therefore envious.
Posted by , Feb 05, 2008 4:20PM
I would want my son to have a cougar/sugar mama. I would tell him that working sucks and so do older women.. That would be our sex ed talk. But the judge ordered me not to have children.
Posted by , Feb 05, 2008 4:33PM
Elle Mcpherson is so hot i can't even consider her a cougar, just a smokin older babe
Posted by whachathink? , Feb 05, 2008 5:10PM
Sounds like mom is angling for an invite to the cougar side of the event. "Well, if you won't let Alex come, maybe you would like me to come instead?"
Posted by mrpink , Feb 05, 2008 5:48PM
GAnalYst:
I was just trying to have my cake and eat it too. LOL... Pressing on with Tanner!
C'mon Bess, if ya'll could break into the SAC christmas party, SURELY you can find a way to weasel into the speed date NYC thing. They had the press in there before, just get press credentials and SPILL THE BEANS. You can do it! The loyal DBGay population has faith in you!
-mrp
Posted by JorgeCad , Feb 05, 2008 6:17PM
Bess,
Feel for the lad. He is Jerome's secret brother from BNP. Family is not doing too well, so .... a "guy has got to do what he has got to do"". Mom said so.
Posted by eddy , Feb 06, 2008 4:59AM
Bravo!
That's the funniest damn thing on the Net so far this year.
Posted by eddy , Feb 06, 2008 9:00AM
Oh, kind of better but also not better.
See gawker; the woman, actually his step-demon, leaves a second message: "By the way, I'm not his mother. The reason I want Alex to do this is because it would cause her so much agony."
http://gawker.com/5002878/voicemails-cougar-stepmom-begs-rich-lady-speed-daters-to-take-son
Not as funny - hard to pin down why, but humor's kind of slippery that way. Maybe if she'd screamed "agony" and then started sobbing or gibbering in tongues or something before she hung up? Dunno.