Tim Sykes Wants You To Kill Him

timothy.jpgEarly this morning, there was a fire in an Upper East Side apartment building. Luckily no one died and almost all of the injuries were minor, save for a fire fighter who was hospitalized and in "serious condition." I hadn't read or heard about what happened. Hedge fund manager Tim Sykes rectified that:
CilantroFP: you hear?

CilantroFP: http://www.newsday.com/news/localfire02

CilantroFP:that was my building, i almost died

CilantroFP: what would DB do then?

DBBL: wow

CilantroFP: dude it was scary

CilantroFP: no fire alarms

DBBL: that's got to be illegal, no?

CilantroFP: they're "under repair"

CilantroFP: waking up coughing in a smoggy room is no fun

CilantroFP:let me tell ya

CilantroFP: you still there?

CilantroFP: it was crazy!

DBBL: you think it's a sign of what's to come

DBBL: like, with your hedge fund?

CilantroFP: i think some angry DB reader tried to kill me

CilantroFP: is what i think

CilantroFP: but i prevailed, just like i always will

DBBL: ill let them know

CilantroFP: yeah yeah, they're gonna have to do better than that!

DBBL: how do you think they would do it?

CilantroFP: they did do it...but they failed

CilantroFP: they just sabotaged the fire alarms

CilantroFP: but they forgot i live on low floor so my escape was quick

DBBL: no attention to detail with these guys

CilantroFP: well i like a challenge

CilantroFP: so hopefully they won't quit trying

30 injured in Upper East Side fire [Newsday]

Comments

1

Posted by , Feb 07, 2008 1:26PM

i love that timmay reads newsday. what a populist this kid.

go tim!

2

Posted by , Feb 07, 2008 1:32PM

I though he lived in Nou Jersaaay like the blogger of retardtrader claimed. Or is that guy a retard himself? Whoops! No Pulitzer for him! Can't even read a map or didn't bother to watch Wall Street Warriers. Putz!

3

Posted by Anal_yst , Feb 07, 2008 1:45PM

...aaaand we have the beginnings of paranoid schizophrenia, this should be interesting...

4

Posted by , Feb 07, 2008 1:53PM

didnt you read his site? he recently moved out of his own townhouse into a penthouse apartment (does top floor of a 4 storey brownstone in the east village count as a penthouse?)

5

Posted by HAM'05 , Feb 07, 2008 1:54PM

don't flatter yourself timmay - the cause of the fire was entirely accidental

i was getting ready for tonights speed dating event and after applying LA Looks to my mane looked SO good that my gf's head exploded sending singed and still-burning headflesh onto the drapes

let that be a lesson to you - there is such a thing as being too hott

6

Posted by Third Eye , Feb 07, 2008 2:03PM

Anonymous @ 1:54 pm -- the newspaper clip said the building was located at 72nd and Third Avenue. And how can he live in a penthouse? He told db that he lived on a lower floor.

7

Posted by BSD , Feb 07, 2008 2:28PM

This is the last time I hire anyone referred to me by Charlie Gasparino. The fat fuck couldn't be bothered to actually come in and piano wire the mark, so he just lit up the damn newspaper stand outside. Fuckin' soopresata eating bitch. If you're going to smoke out a rat at least be there to catch it when it scurries out its hole.

P.S. Just kidding Timmay, if I'm going to kill you it'll have to at least top the Seth Tobias hit.

8

Posted by s75 , Feb 07, 2008 2:30PM

"singed and still-burning headflesh" is that copyrighted? can i use that? when i could possibly use that is still up in the air but i want to know it is an option at least

9

Posted by , Feb 07, 2008 2:41PM

Guess I better get my refund

10

Posted by , Feb 07, 2008 2:43PM

didn't anyone notice that the fire burned out Grace's, a Balducci's outgrowth and prime souce of sopressata on the generally preppy upper east side.

11

Posted by Tim's address , Feb 07, 2008 3:17PM

Where does Tim actually live? I think he's BSing.

12

Posted by slimjim , Feb 07, 2008 3:50PM

I hope timmy does not forget to take his AZT cocktail.

13

Posted by , Feb 07, 2008 3:50PM

In an article from his hometown paper quoted in DB in October 2007 (link no longer works), it said he lived with his parents in their townhouse in Hamden, CT. I call BS, too.

14

Posted by 1-2 , Feb 07, 2008 3:53PM

I wonder if he tripped on his Ping Pong table while running out of his apartment? God that would be the coup de gras of Timmay. I could see it now.

Dateline: New York
Tim Sykes, of self-promotional whore and q-list celbrity, died this morning in a tragic fire that brought down the condemned brownstone he was squatting in. He was found lying under his ping pong table, wearing a Victoria's Secret thong, trademark Timmay shirt, and was holding a picture of Bess Levin. Apparently in a rush to exit the building Mr. Sykes tripped over his ping pong table, hit his head on an improvised idol of himself, fell into a pile of Wall St. Warriors and was knocked unconcious. The coronor issued a release claiming Mr. Sykes primary cause of death was deuchebaggery, with secondary causes indicated as "acute smugness" and eating his own fecal matter. Timmay was twenty-something.

15

Posted by Anonymous , Feb 07, 2008 4:33PM

Timmayyy smells like old fish

16

Posted by Oy vey! , Feb 07, 2008 4:42PM

Can Bess go over to Timmay's pad and actually confirm where he lives? Who knows - maybe these two Jews will have a mohel ceremony is less than two years. I'll bring the ham sandwiches for all to enjoy! You can bring the fish!

17

Posted by Anal_yst , Feb 07, 2008 4:43PM

@ 1-2

Nicely done.

I hate to defend Sykes, but his website (in response to that retardtrader thing) claimed he used to live in the west villiage townhouse, then some penthouse somewhere, now he's on UES, so believe him or not, either way someone tried and failed, and failure is NOT acceptable)

18

Posted by , Feb 07, 2008 4:51PM

1-2:

Am I sensing jealously? Although Timmay is 100% douche, you are living out your dream of popularity and self-importance by your irrelevant dealbreaker comments. At least Timmays doucheness has some fruition.

The "coup de gras" will be when the tension rises between 1-2 and girl... we will finally know they sexed it up!

19

Posted by BSD , Feb 07, 2008 4:55PM

1-2,

That was excellent. Should we ever cross paths, a shot of Johnny Blue on me.

@oy vey!
She did visit his pad, remember the Timmay model search a while back? there were pictures...

20

Posted by CIA , Feb 07, 2008 5:19PM

I thought Timmy was a squatter living under the Brooklyn Bridge .... after his lover Seth Tobias died , he's been beside himself in fear of assassination by CIA

21

Posted by 1-2 , Feb 07, 2008 6:46PM

@4:51,

Thanks, i think. Although my dealbreaker comments, while perhaps irreverent, are never irrelevant. Perhaps you're confusing me with Ron Paul.

22

Posted by Anonymous , Feb 07, 2008 7:06PM

1-2, very clever post @ 3:53 pm. One detail is wrong: NYC has a medical examiner rather than a coroner. There's a difference. NYC reformed the five county coroner's offices into one ME's office in 1918. A coroner is not necessarily a doctor; a medical examiner must be and have special post medical school training. Maybe you're from L.A., which still has a coroner's system.

I raised some points late last night on the Seth Tobias case regarding the toxicology report that was recently released. DB: I made some suggestions of follow-up questions to ask the police and the ME. It was probably posted too late for anyone to see it.

1-2, I'm always interested in the situation with girl, but too polite to ask. When you feel like talking about it ... people are here for you.

The Ron Paul clamor seems to have died down.

23

Posted by I'm a dude , Feb 07, 2008 7:22PM

@7:06 wow you are really smart.

24

Posted by Anonymous@7:06pm , Feb 07, 2008 8:48PM

Dude: I'm not all that smart. Sorry if I came off as wiseass.

25

Posted by I'm a dude , Feb 08, 2008 8:58AM

why is it that this goofball has Bess' IM and nobody else does? this just occured to me.

26

Posted by , Feb 08, 2008 9:10AM

I tried the DBBL screenname, seems to be a fake.

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