• 07 Feb 2008 at 1:21 PM
  • Tim Sykes

Tim Sykes Wants You To Kill Him

timothy.jpgEarly this morning, there was a fire in an Upper East Side apartment building. Luckily no one died and almost all of the injuries were minor, save for a fire fighter who was hospitalized and in “serious condition.” I hadn’t read or heard about what happened. Hedge fund manager Tim Sykes rectified that:
CilantroFP: you hear?
CilantroFP: http://www.newsday.com/news/localfire02

CilantroFP:that was my building, i almost died
CilantroFP: what would DB do then?
DBBL: wow
CilantroFP: dude it was scary
CilantroFP: no fire alarms
DBBL: that’s got to be illegal, no?
CilantroFP: they’re “under repair”
CilantroFP: waking up coughing in a smoggy room is no fun
CilantroFP:let me tell ya
CilantroFP: you still there?
CilantroFP: it was crazy!
DBBL: you think it’s a sign of what’s to come
DBBL: like, with your hedge fund?
CilantroFP: i think some angry DB reader tried to kill me
CilantroFP: is what i think
CilantroFP: but i prevailed, just like i always will
DBBL: ill let them know
CilantroFP: yeah yeah, they’re gonna have to do better than that!
DBBL: how do you think they would do it?
CilantroFP: they did do it…but they failed
CilantroFP: they just sabotaged the fire alarms
CilantroFP: but they forgot i live on low floor so my escape was quick
DBBL: no attention to detail with these guys
CilantroFP: well i like a challenge
CilantroFP: so hopefully they won’t quit trying
30 injured in Upper East Side fire [Newsday]

Comments (26)

  1. Posted by Anonymous | February 7, 2008 at 1:26 PM

    i love that timmay reads newsday. what a populist this kid.
    go tim!

  2. Posted by Anonymous | February 7, 2008 at 1:32 PM

    I though he lived in Nou Jersaaay like the blogger of retardtrader claimed. Or is that guy a retard himself? Whoops! No Pulitzer for him! Can’t even read a map or didn’t bother to watch Wall Street Warriers. Putz!

  3. Posted by Anal_yst | February 7, 2008 at 1:45 PM

    …aaaand we have the beginnings of paranoid schizophrenia, this should be interesting…

  4. Posted by Anonymous | February 7, 2008 at 1:53 PM

    didnt you read his site? he recently moved out of his own townhouse into a penthouse apartment (does top floor of a 4 storey brownstone in the east village count as a penthouse?)

  5. Posted by HAM'05 | February 7, 2008 at 1:54 PM

    don’t flatter yourself timmay – the cause of the fire was entirely accidental
    i was getting ready for tonights speed dating event and after applying LA Looks to my mane looked SO good that my gf’s head exploded sending singed and still-burning headflesh onto the drapes
    let that be a lesson to you – there is such a thing as being too hott

  6. Posted by Third Eye | February 7, 2008 at 2:03 PM

    Anonymous @ 1:54 pm — the newspaper clip said the building was located at 72nd and Third Avenue. And how can he live in a penthouse? He told db that he lived on a lower floor.

  7. Posted by BSD | February 7, 2008 at 2:28 PM

    This is the last time I hire anyone referred to me by Charlie Gasparino. The fat fuck couldn’t be bothered to actually come in and piano wire the mark, so he just lit up the damn newspaper stand outside. Fuckin’ soopresata eating bitch. If you’re going to smoke out a rat at least be there to catch it when it scurries out its hole.
    P.S. Just kidding Timmay, if I’m going to kill you it’ll have to at least top the Seth Tobias hit.

  8. Posted by s75 | February 7, 2008 at 2:30 PM

    “singed and still-burning headflesh” is that copyrighted? can i use that? when i could possibly use that is still up in the air but i want to know it is an option at least

  9. Posted by Anonymous | February 7, 2008 at 2:41 PM

    Guess I better get my refund

  10. Posted by Anonymous | February 7, 2008 at 2:43 PM

    didn’t anyone notice that the fire burned out Grace’s, a Balducci’s outgrowth and prime souce of sopressata on the generally preppy upper east side.

  11. Posted by Tim's address | February 7, 2008 at 3:17 PM

    Where does Tim actually live? I think he’s BSing.

  12. Posted by slimjim | February 7, 2008 at 3:50 PM

    I hope timmy does not forget to take his AZT cocktail.

  13. Posted by Anonymous | February 7, 2008 at 3:50 PM

    In an article from his hometown paper quoted in DB in October 2007 (link no longer works), it said he lived with his parents in their townhouse in Hamden, CT. I call BS, too.

  14. Posted by 1-2 | February 7, 2008 at 3:53 PM

    I wonder if he tripped on his Ping Pong table while running out of his apartment? God that would be the coup de gras of Timmay. I could see it now.
    Dateline: New York
    Tim Sykes, of self-promotional whore and q-list celbrity, died this morning in a tragic fire that brought down the condemned brownstone he was squatting in. He was found lying under his ping pong table, wearing a Victoria’s Secret thong, trademark Timmay shirt, and was holding a picture of Bess Levin. Apparently in a rush to exit the building Mr. Sykes tripped over his ping pong table, hit his head on an improvised idol of himself, fell into a pile of Wall St. Warriors and was knocked unconcious. The coronor issued a release claiming Mr. Sykes primary cause of death was deuchebaggery, with secondary causes indicated as “acute smugness” and eating his own fecal matter. Timmay was twenty-something.

  15. Posted by Anonymous | February 7, 2008 at 4:33 PM

    Timmayyy smells like old fish

  16. Posted by Oy vey! | February 7, 2008 at 4:42 PM

    Can Bess go over to Timmay’s pad and actually confirm where he lives? Who knows – maybe these two Jews will have a mohel ceremony is less than two years. I’ll bring the ham sandwiches for all to enjoy! You can bring the fish!

  17. Posted by Anal_yst | February 7, 2008 at 4:43 PM

    @ 1-2
    Nicely done.
    I hate to defend Sykes, but his website (in response to that retardtrader thing) claimed he used to live in the west villiage townhouse, then some penthouse somewhere, now he’s on UES, so believe him or not, either way someone tried and failed, and failure is NOT acceptable)

  18. Posted by Anonymous | February 7, 2008 at 4:51 PM

    1-2:
    Am I sensing jealously? Although Timmay is 100% douche, you are living out your dream of popularity and self-importance by your irrelevant dealbreaker comments. At least Timmays doucheness has some fruition.
    The “coup de gras” will be when the tension rises between 1-2 and girl… we will finally know they sexed it up!

  19. Posted by BSD | February 7, 2008 at 4:55 PM

    1-2,
    That was excellent. Should we ever cross paths, a shot of Johnny Blue on me.
    @oy vey!
    She did visit his pad, remember the Timmay model search a while back? there were pictures…

  20. Posted by CIA | February 7, 2008 at 5:19 PM

    I thought Timmy was a squatter living under the Brooklyn Bridge …. after his lover Seth Tobias died , he’s been beside himself in fear of assassination by CIA

  21. Posted by 1-2 | February 7, 2008 at 6:46 PM

    @4:51,
    Thanks, i think. Although my dealbreaker comments, while perhaps irreverent, are never irrelevant. Perhaps you’re confusing me with Ron Paul.

  22. Posted by Anonymous | February 7, 2008 at 7:06 PM

    1-2, very clever post @ 3:53 pm. One detail is wrong: NYC has a medical examiner rather than a coroner. There’s a difference. NYC reformed the five county coroner’s offices into one ME’s office in 1918. A coroner is not necessarily a doctor; a medical examiner must be and have special post medical school training. Maybe you’re from L.A., which still has a coroner’s system.
    I raised some points late last night on the Seth Tobias case regarding the toxicology report that was recently released. DB: I made some suggestions of follow-up questions to ask the police and the ME. It was probably posted too late for anyone to see it.
    1-2, I’m always interested in the situation with girl, but too polite to ask. When you feel like talking about it … people are here for you.
    The Ron Paul clamor seems to have died down.

  23. Posted by I'm a dude | February 7, 2008 at 7:22 PM

    @7:06 wow you are really smart.

  24. Posted by Anonymous@7:06pm | February 7, 2008 at 8:48 PM

    Dude: I’m not all that smart. Sorry if I came off as wiseass.

  25. Posted by I'm a dude | February 8, 2008 at 8:58 AM

    why is it that this goofball has Bess’ IM and nobody else does? this just occured to me.

  26. Posted by Anonymous | February 8, 2008 at 9:10 AM

    I tried the DBBL screenname, seems to be a fake.

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