Alan Schwartz’s Web Of Lies

So it seems some people are really getting bent out of shape over this whole thing about Bear Stearns CEO Alan Schwartz telling David Faber everything was cool at the firm just a few short days before everything wasn’t cool. No one wants to let this one go– it doesn’t help that the instigators at CNBC have been playing the clip ‘round the clock– or take a second to realize that we should be APPLAUDING Alan Schwartz, not tearing him down, or wondering if his comments about BSC “practically drowning in liquidity” were purposely misleading. As a Bear Stearns executive, CEO no less, the fact that the guy even showed up to answer questions about the solvency of his own company is huge. Factor in that he was at the Breakers Resort in Palm Beach at the time, and had to actually get out of the pool and towel off, walk up to the lobby and ask someone to hold his drink while he “did a thing,” and I think you will agree with me that someone should be getting a raise. Obviously, some of you don’t see it this way. The SEC includes itself in this group of one-dimensional thinkers. Since it doesn’t look like they’ll be backing down from their little threat to investigate why Alan Schwartz said what he said, let’s just get to the bottom of it now, and move on with our lives.

d. should be “got too much sun.” Vizu doesn’t let you just click back, you have to start all over, would’ve taken a decade, etc etc etc.
S.E.C. Eyes Bear Stearns’ Comments [DealBook]

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31 Responses to “Alan Schwartz’s Web Of Lies”

  1. guest says:

    way to not respond to my request this morning for more boobs on the site.
    sadly, this is not what i meant by boobs.

  2. guest says:

    They bring out the boobs when it gets slow. Lately, we’ve had spitzer and then bear to keep us occupied.

  3. guest says:

    What about: “Schwartz didn’t have any lawyers to advise him not to lie, since they didn’t have the money to pay their legal bills.”

  4. guest says:

    Bess, I agree with you. I think you and I are the only ones who thought that it was so cool that Schwartz was in Fort Lauderdale last week assuring us that BSC had huge amounts of liquidity. I think he got the liquidity in the pool and at the bar mixed up with BSC’s liquidity.

  5. guest says:

    First choice would read better as:
    “A bear was, at the time, awash with liquidity”

  6. guest says:

    It is rumored that Playboy will do a “Women of Bear Stearns” issue.

  7. guest says:

    @ 11:45– palm beach, not ft. lauderdale. get it right.

  8. guest says:

    BSC guys are a bunch of Staten Island guids who think they are hitters Im tellin ya. They walk around with the tasseled loafers its hilarious. On your first day at orientation they give you a gold bracelet, no kidding

  9. guest says:

    @ 11:49 — who the fuck do you think you are…you obviously have no clue what BSC or any other firm is like-noone hires that SI trash except retail banker chopshops that like tanned greasy gasbagarinos

  10. guest says:

    @11.49: actually i got a diamond ring

  11. guest says:

    I’m glad to see the SEC doing a thorough investigation about the locks on the barn door now that the barn has burned and all the horses are gone. As opposed to a regulatory inquiry (what’s left to regulate?), it’s a cover-your-ass investigation meant to show the tax-paying public that the SEC is “doing something.”
    How about the SEC taking a proactive look at Lehman Brothers instead?

  12. guest says:

    For some reason, the anti Italian-American contingent is out this morning. @11:49, I don’t see how a guy named Alan Schwartz is a “guid.”

  13. BruceWayne says:

    Agreed, how can anyone mistake Schwartz from being anything but a fucking Jew?

  14. guest says:

    What was Alan supposed to say “We’re fucked”? The truth would have just caused a faster run… Anybody with half a brain knew they were fucked anyways. And the plummet of the stock and the sale to jp for $2 was inevitable. Nothing he said on Wed (?) was going to change that.

  15. guest says:

    Im not anti italian, im anti guido. big difference. To answer your question @ 11:57, Im the guy who drove in this morning in my Maserati, who are you?

  16. BSD says:

    Here’s a nugget for you. I’m happy for Warren.
    March 19 (Bloomberg) — Warren Spector, forced out as
    president of Bear Stearns Cos. last August, may have outdone his
    former mentor James “Jimmy” Cayne as the 85-year-old brokerage
    firm imploded.
    After a spat over politics in 2004, Cayne, then Bear
    Stearns’s chief executive officer, changed the company’s deferred
    compensation plan, prompting Spector to sell $382 million of
    stock. As of last March, his stake in the New York-based firm had
    dwindled to 0.06 percent, worth about $8 million when he left.

  17. guest says:

    @12:17 Seriously doubt it. The guys driving the Maseratis are not the ones with there face here.

  18. Anal_yst says:

    This is a funny one, I like how this guy (clearly self-identifies) as a “professional trader”:
    The comment below responds to the question we posed on Dow Jones NewsPlus:
    Should Bear Stearns holders accept the $2 a share offer and why?
    Please share your own views.
    Email us at
    Here’s what Peter Bohlender, a professional trader who purchased shares for
    himself, in Ontario, writes:
    It sickens me to keep hearing how good a deal JPMorgan (JPM) has made. How is
    this at all fair to me? I was lied to on Friday when I purchased 4,000 shares
    of Bear Stearns (BSC).

  19. guest says:

    Jews have always been anti-Italian. They’re jealous because we have better food and bigger dicks.

  20. guest says:

    It’s going to be a “Naked Bear Ladies” spread in some mag.

  21. guest says:

    @12:22 Warren Spector is Bear’s Lou Pai. I say that with the utmost respect. Nice hand sir.

  22. guest says:

    Just got word JP Morgan will be honoring new hire contracts. This comes from an MD at Bear but obviously its just a rumor as of this moment.

  23. guest says:

    @ 12:31 – Yes, we all know that what really makes a jew jealous “dick size”. Hey paulie walnuts, jews are smart. We know that we can do more with large wallets that you dopes can do with your large dicks!!

  24. guest says:

    What’s funnier?
    Shwartz lying or
    Cayne looking for a higher bidder on BS because he f’d up and lost a ton of money??
    Still he is looking to F the employees!
    What an honorable scout he is.

  25. guest says:

    “Ace” also got out, mostly.
    “By the way, Ace, there is more to running a wall street shop than saving paper clips. But you know that now.”

  26. BSD says:

    @12:24 – why? Maseratis aren’t that expensive.

  27. guest says:

    Schwartz is not a Jew. The tribe wouldn’t fuck this up that bad..

  28. guest says:

    I know for a fact that Schwartz was born a Jew but is now married to a Christian. They had a Christmas tree at their home in Gwich last year, and no menorah.

  29. guest says:

    Who besides the Bear are the 17 firms that the FBI is looking into regarding the subprime shithouse? Maybe Jimmy Cayne’s drunk ass will stay blitzed until the Feds put the cuffs on him.

  30. guest says:

    Hi, Bess~
    We at Vizu would like to thank you for using our polls in your column. I’d like to address the editing problem you mention, though. Vizu Web Polls do allow you to edit polls without inputing the information all over again. This can be done throughout the poll creation process, however when you get to the exporting code page, if you want to edit it, you can simply look under the Create Polls tab and click on Edit Polls. Your information is saved, and you need only edit what’s necessary.
    Your current poll can still be changed in your account. I’d also be happy to change it for you if you’d like.
    ~Abbey Keck, Marketing Associate
    abbey at vizu dot com

  31. guest says:

    hahah awesome