Discovering that the exclusive international ring of prostitutes known as the “Emperor’s Club” charged up to $5,500 an hour for their services, New York governor Eliot Spitzer vowed to put an end to this price gouging practice.
Four people alleged to have run the “Emperor’s Club” were charged with conspiracy to violate federal prostitution statutes, while two of them were also charged with laundering more than $1 million in illegal proceeds.
“That kind of excessive compensation is simply outrageous. Prostitution is allegedly a victimless crime,” Spitzer said in a press conference that took place only in our imaginations. “But now we see that its customers can become its victims.”
Spitzer added it was especially shameful that one of the most trusted names in prostitution had engaged in this shocking betrayal and rank greed.
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There’s no such thing as a $5,500 an hour hooker.
There is such a thing as a John willing to pay $5,500 an hour, however …
When it costs $1500 plus to have sex in the VIP room at Scores West — and Penthouse and Hustler — why shouldn’t cost quite a bit more to have sex with a better looking woman who hasn’t already had sex with four or five fat sweaty guys in the past few hours?
You get what you pay for.
I thought there was no sex in the champagne room.
You’re on fire today, John. Concise and spicy.
Outmotherfuckingstanding. The Onion called, John, and they want their schtick back.
@6:52. agreed. painful.
Very Very Funny!!!!!!!!!!
I had to come in here to comment that this is the funniest headline I’ve seen in a long time.
.
Best Headline ….
since New York Post’s
“Headless Body found in Topless Bar”
.
As the old joke goes, at some level of celebrity, they’re not paying the lady for what she does, they’re paying her to go home quietly afterwards. Looks likes someone got short-changed…
Kristen the hooker will have min:
-Book deal
-Movie deal
-record deal
-Lawsuit aginst Eliott
That was the best night of her life….
Remember, you don’t pay hookers for sex. You pay them so that they will leave when you are done. I know that hurts, but it’s true.
I had a dream where I was sitting next to Elliott Spitzer at Harry’s Bar at the Waldorf. He told me his name was “Rudy Giuliani.” I knew he was lying, but I went with it. He invited me up to his suite to see surveillance tapes of “a notorious wall-street whoremonger,” and then put his hand on my thigh.
He looked into my eyes and told me a joke about how Whisky is like Vaseline.
Does this make me gay?
Nice to see that dealbreaker has achieved an Andy Borowitz level of hilarity.
The internet can tear apart in hours what it used to take the networks and newpapers days or weeks to destroy (assuming they even wanted to go after a friendly). Sweeeet!
Great headline.
One of the best headlines I have ever read. Keep up the great work improving our mundane Wall Street existences with your higher-brow version of locker room humor. Love it love it love it.
Other potential headlines for future use…
Spitzer Swallows Pride
The New Head of State
Spitzer Gets Off, Wife Gets Half
oh the fun we’ll have…
Spitzer Makes Back Door Deal for Constituents
Spitzer Makes Back Door Deal for Constituents
Stock Market up huge, celebration of Spitzer’s disgrace????
For a book about prostitution, you may be interested in Naked in Haiti: A Sexy Morality Tale About Tourists, Prostitutes & Politicians. http://www.dankingbooks.com will get you there.
The AG is aware of the hiring of some beauties to perform as reporters on the financial channels. And we know already about the many perks offered and accepted by some. Is there being under the table fees involved. If you don’t have the authority to track this down and publicize names………get the hell out of Dodge.