Getting You Out Of Jail Free

Posted by Bess Levin, Mar 31, 2008, 2:13pm

I love every aspect of this quaint tale about Canadian hedge fund manager Matthew MacIsaac (MM Asset Management) facing cocaine charges (he was arrested at the end of a six-week investigation known as Project White Rabbit, at a club called the Comfort Zone; the damning bit of a evidence from a “rival” manager that MacIsaac is building a new house with his and her sinks in the master bath) but here’s what I love most: the fact that MacIsaac apparently attempted to “explain” the $600 in his pocket to the police officers on the raid by saying, “I’m a hedge fund manager.” A little bit because (and I could be wrong) I’m pretty sure it’s not illegal to have cash in your pocket, so it sounds like MM folded like a cheap suit even Thain* wouldn’t be caught dead wearing, and a lot a bit because in my mind, it’s the new default excuse everyone can use, for any situation with even the hint of consequence. Just imagine yourself to be one of your favorite hedge fund managers, and respond as they would -- as in the examples below.

Officer: Did you just litter, pal?
Leon Cooperman: Yes, but officer, I can explain: I'm a hedge fund manager.

Officer: Sir, this is a peaceful demonstration. We don't allow people to immolate themselves to protest eating meat.
Dan Loeb: First off, fuck you and your animal-clogged arteries. And b., I answer to a higher authority—I’m a hedge fund manager. [Douses himself in lamp oil and lights a match.]

Angry Shareholders: Did you just lose our company $100 billion in shareholder capital?
Jim Cayne: It's OK, I'm Big Daddy Cayn--I mean, I'm a hedge fund manager.

Barnes and Nobles employee: Did you just take that book in the bathroom with you?
Larry Robbins: Yeah, and I was in there for a while, too but don’t worry about it: I’m a hedge fund manager.

Guard: There's no smoking in the museum, pal.
Jim Simons: Oh, it's all right, buddy. I'm a hedge fund manager.

David Spade: Melted chocolate inside the dash, that really ups the resale value.
Steve Cohen: I think you're going to be okay here because I deep fried the chocolate then coated it with caramelized sugar, thereby creating a hard candy shell. Plus, I’m a hedge fund manager.

Hedge fund manager faces cocaine charge [Globe And Mail]

*He looks like a cheap Midwesterner.

Comments

Posted by guest, Mar 31, 2008 2:24PM

obTrivia: The Comfort Zone was featured in the movie "Police Academy" as the Blue Oyster Bar.

Posted by guest, Mar 31, 2008 2:30PM

Jail in Canada? What's that - a week at Whistler with a medium cup of hot chocolate instead of a large cup? Having to listen to Celine Dion for a month?

Thadius R. Rogers
Canadian Basher/Evaluator of Talent

Posted by Investorcluzo, Mar 31, 2008 2:32PM

does this mean coke's not legal in canada? why do they call it the great white north? just askin'...

Posted by guest, Mar 31, 2008 2:35PM

this is hilarious!!

comfortzone is the most notorious all night (and all day sunday) drug den in Toronto. used to be a raver hangout. now its a meeting place for strippers, street people, clubbers and anyone else who is desperately trying to keep their buzz going straight through the daytime

Posted by BruceWayne, Mar 31, 2008 2:38PM

Not that I have any first hand knowledge but Vancouver has some of the best blow out there.

Posted by guest, Mar 31, 2008 2:38PM

ps its located in the basement of the Waverley Hotel, which is a nasty prostitution hotel

Posted by BSD, Mar 31, 2008 3:02PM

Bess - one of your best posts yet!

Posted by guest, Mar 31, 2008 3:08PM

And speaking of getting out of jail:

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB120692150286375551.html?mod=todays_us_nonsub_marketplace

I say let him out and let the mobs deal with him! I wonder how many "dates" he's had in prison. Maybe his bro can teach him to be a weatherman?

Posted by guest, Mar 31, 2008 3:14PM

Comfort Zone is also beside a homeless shelter...quite the seedy row: homeless shelter, hooker hotel, drug gen

Posted by guest, Mar 31, 2008 3:16PM

Hopefully he was going to use that $600 for a handgun and some Valtrex.

-Nom me

Posted by Bulging Bracket, Mar 31, 2008 3:38PM

CZ is a very dodgy joint as mentioned above. It's also been the set for a bunch of music videos. The funniest part of that strip is that it goes Waverley/CZ, Silver Dollar Room (jazz bar), Homeless Shelter, school yard!

http://maps.google.com/?ie=UTF8&ll=43.6585,-79.400763&spn=0.001768,0.004334&t=h&z=19

On the map, Waverley/CZ is second building north of College on West side of Spadina, homeless shelter is just north of that, and you can see it backing on to the playground of the elementary school.

Building in the middle of the circle on Spadina is home to the fine arts studios at University of Toronto, so they have easy access to drugs for their late night studio sessions.

Posted by guest, Mar 31, 2008 3:46PM

hilarious!

Posted by gatekeeper, Mar 31, 2008 3:49PM

I'd rather go to Chino than have to listen to Celine Dion for a month.

Posted by mrpink, Mar 31, 2008 4:00PM

I concur with BSD. Nice work Bess.

In response to the people criticizing grammar errors on the site, just reply:
"It's ok, I'm a hedge fund manager."

-mrp

Posted by guest, Mar 31, 2008 4:23PM

"He was allegedly approached for drugs by the undercover police officer, a source said. Mr. MacIsaac allegedly tracked down some drugs and gave them to her. When she insisted on paying him, he allegedly refused"

wtf... how Canadian... how is he trafficking if he wouldn't accept money?

Posted by guest, Mar 31, 2008 7:27PM

a cheap midwesterner swimming in pussy.

Posted by guest, Mar 31, 2008 10:17PM

Dan Loeb is such a Jew

-Jesus

Posted by guest, Mar 31, 2008 10:17PM

bulging bracket,
I used to live just up Robert street. often I'd go for a slice at Massimo's around 3 or 4 sunday afternoon. The sun would be out, kids playing basketball, people walking their dogs, and all of a sudden you hear pounding house and trance. Then you realize, holy shit, there's like 200 crackheads down there raving since last night.

also, it was pretty regular to see plainclothes narcs getting out of marked police vans in the alley beside CSC Computers and heading down to CZ to try to bust people. I'm not surprised that they finally busted it for good.

Posted by guest, Apr 01, 2008 12:59AM

Officer, she's 18 and I'm a hedge fund manager.

Posted by guest, Apr 01, 2008 5:31AM

Can't have been a hedge fund manager...
$600 is cheap... a real hedgie would have had more (says he opening his wallet to count the cash... ahh phew €2600 and change)... plus in Geneva or Frankfurt 600 bucks is a one night bar bill (so cheap is the buck)...so none left over for charlie, or whatever his fav high of the moment is.. nice post though Bess.

Made me smile.

Posted by Bulging Bracket, Apr 01, 2008 11:59AM

Who uses cash at the bar? Cash is for taxis, strippers, doormen (if you're not on the list), and multi-national import/export specialists. Plus you only show up to CZ after a very long night...

Posted by guest, Apr 01, 2008 1:20PM

CZ sound like it has a wonderful ambiance. Here is an online review I found:

"I've go to Comfort Zone about 4 times a month, and all I can say is sketchy, sketchy, sketchy. I have really mixed feelings about that place. First off the crowd is great, but every time I go there, it is more and more evident that everyone is a regular there and they all know eachother. To be frank, you need to know what your getting yourself into when you go there. It can be quite addictive, the music is hype and it's open for people who aren't quite done partying at 6 AM. There are a lot of party favours around but, from one of my own personal experineces, bring your own shit. Its very dark and hot there, but what w ould you expect for an after-hours place. Dress lightly and expect everyone to look like Barbie and Ken. One time in the woman's bathroom I overheard one chick say, 'I've only eaten Shake n' bake today cause I have no money." Another time one chick was OD'ing in the bathroom and begging me to punch her in the stomach so she could throw up whatever she was OD'ing on. Yet there have been times where I got too "G'" out along with my friends and total strangers have helped me out. And by the way if you take a little "too much" there is a room where you can go and the staff will help you get through it. (Thanks Paz!) So all and all you need to be prepared for some different types of activities and a different style of partying. Be open minded and a long with the great people and music hopefully you'll have more ups than downs there. Over all for that type of scene. 6 out of 10. Have fun and be safe, Honey"

Posted by guest, Apr 02, 2008 10:10AM

CZ is seriously sketchy. That said, I feel bad for this guy. He was looking to party and this cop, who I assume must be somewhat attractive, essentially set him up.

Posted by guest, Apr 05, 2008 4:16AM

after reading that article and reading this, it really looks like you've twisted the crap out of this story. some guy was in the wrong place at the wrong time and tried to do something nice for the wrong gal. having cash in your pocket as a hedge fund manager is not that shocking, and probably not said to hide other actions. Why don't you write about something important for once? it's despicable to focus on one of the credible people in a group of over 150 others with more interesting stories (illegal immigrants? drug dealers?).